Mother angry at my being pregnant :(

[Sushai]

Well, I finally told my side of the family about my pregnancy. Everyone was really happy, except my mother.

I was really nervous since finding out about telling my mother. I am 23 years old (24 in october), Im married and have 6 months left until I obtain my diploma.

Anyways, my mother got really angry at finding out. She said she gave me plenty of advice and that I dont listen so I can go eat shit. Her advice to me was to finish my studies, get a job and then have kids. I mean advice is advice, you can either follow or you dont. And even when you do listen and try to follow through on that advice, things can come up that may delay that plan.

So Im very upset, I've had my fair share of tears today. But I dont think or feel like I've done something wrong. This child in my womb is a blessing, and as for my husband and I, its a very wanted and loved blessing.

I just thought that her of all people would understand. I mean she had me at 19 out of wedlock, with no further education or a husband (not that a husband is essential but in my family it kinda is) and then she got married and had another suprise once she thought she was done having kids.

Its not fair. Im studying, I am married, we have a house and paying off a mortgage, we are happy and I think 23 almost 24 is an appropriate age to be having children.

Or am I wrong? enlighten me please?!

I've been real stressed for 2 weeks without telling my mother and now that she knows it seems worse. I just feel that if I dont do as she pleases, then whatever I do is wrong. Im so sick of having to please her.

Im at a loss at what to do. My grandparents (her parents) have told me not to go over there by myself, as she may get even more angry and may resort to hitting me.

Sorry for the rant but I really just needed to vent.

 

[ashley2pink]

That is unfair of her! Wow, I see nothing that should have made her upset, she is be reacting oddly!! My parents were the opposite. When I first got married(I had just turned 21) I mentioned waiting to have kids. But they gave me this advice, to not wait, as you never know what could happen to you in the future that could prevent me having kids. They said having a family is so much more important than an education, or work, or money. Because you never know if you will financially stable. We only waited 4 months before TTC and got preg right away.
Now I dont think people need to TTC right away, but it helps to think of the long run...
My Mom had her first just 9.5 months after getting married and by the time the oldest child was not quite 5 she had her 4th baby and after that developed athritis in which her Dr told her she couldnt get pregnant while taking her meds, so it was either no children or be on bedrest, which wasnt an option as my parents were poor and my dad had to work and go to school. So, she is thankful she didnt waist time and her children when she did or she wouldnt have the 4 of us.
I am sure your Mom will come around eventually, hopefully before the baby is born. You havent done anything to make her react that way. Some people just choose to be mad over things that are wonderful just because it means it interferes with something much less wonderful.

 

[Sushai]

thanks ashley2pink and congratulations on your pregnancy.

I really hope she comes around, this is a very important time in my life and I want to share it with her. I need her support.

You're very lucky having very supportive parents. I agree that family and having children is much more important than some material things. But I can also understand that trying to set yourself up for a good future helps.

My husband and I are very happy and at the moment thats all that really matters to me. This is our first baby and we'll try to make it as special as possible, mum or no mum.

 

[Risstron]

Oh wow, I'm really sorry to hear this. I can't even imagine what a hard time you're going through right now. Remember though, that this is indeed a blessing like you said. Your mother should come around eventually and if she doesn't then you don't need that kind of stress during your pregnancy. I'm sorry hun. Hopefully she'll come around.

 

[Sushai]

Thanks Risstron.

Thats right I dont need stress. My husband told me to just try relax and focus on looking after this baby. Its a bit hard not to think about my mother and how she reacted but really my baby is my priority now and Im going to try to shift all my focus on my lentil.

 

[yourstruly10]

Well if your wrong for having a baby at 23 almost 24 then I must really be wrong for having my first at 21 and my second on the way and will be 22 when he or she is born. Your mom was quite harsh and I'm sorry she was not more supportive. I know it's got to be hard but try to take it easy. Stressing about it wont help anything and won't be good for you orne baby. I got lucky my mom was very supportive but my grandmother was much like your mother. She kept telling me I was too young, I needed to go to school first ect.. I was married, had my own place and was very happy with our decision. In the end I just had to forget about the rude comments and get on with my life and enjoy the life growing inside me. Once the baby was born she came around very fast. I hope for your sake your mom comes around before baby is here. Sorry for rambling. Best of luck. I hope things get better for you.

 

[Sushai]

Thank you yourstruly10 and congratulations to you on your second pregnancy.

I do hope she comes around eventually. I mean she is my mother and is someone very important to me. So thankyou all for your comments. You have made me feel so much better.

 

[Mellybelle]

Your mum was pretty harsh, but like any parent she really wants her version of whats "best" for you. It might be better if you stay away from her for a few weeks, in case she overreacts. You dont need to be made feel worse. Try to talk to her on the phone in a few days.
You certainly havent done anything wrong by falling pregnant.

 

[Mommy's Angel]

Oh sweetheart, I'm so sorry.


Listen. Your an ADULT. I think you've done pretty well for yourself. Your almost done with school, your MARRIED, and have your own life. SHE may be disappointed because things didn't work out "her" way as she dreamed, but we must live our own lives and hopefully make the right choices for US. Thing is, I really think you've made adult decisions and what many young parents aren't ready for is how they'll afford the cost of not just food, diapers and a home, but healthcare and daycare expenses. It sounds like most of that on your end is taken care of. There's a father and mother to create love and stability for the child which is SO important for the baby.

I think one thing your mom may be concerned about is that once you bring a child into the world YOUR priorities will change and you put all your focus on baby. She may be afraid that you'll decide NOT to finish school and will not find the stability she may think you need with a job to raise a family.

In the end, while her intentions are good, and she REALLY loves you, what SHE thinks really doesn't matter. Once you married your husband God tells us in our marriage vows that we cleave to our husbands. Which means while we love our parents our lives are now our own. Decisions are "ours" to make.

Eventually when your little baby is here, I bet she'll warm her heart. In the meantime, I wouldn't worry about her outlook. This issue she has is her own. Take that behavior and that attitude of your mothers and wipe it clean. Put it back in her lap "politely" and say, "I'm sorry you feel that way".

You dont need to say anything else but "I'm sorry you feel that way". It sounds like you need to create bounderies with her. Remember she does not run your life. The day you got married was the day you separated from your parents and cleved to your husband. It doesn't mean you stop being your moms baby, but she needs to understand that not everything happens the way SHE wants. Your NOT asking for her approval, your sharing good news with her and if she doesn't approve, your sorry she feels that way but you hope she changes her mind and also would change her attitude toward the way she views her own daughter at least for the sake of her grandchild.

You are on your way darling. Your starting out and you've accomplished MUCH more than many others out there. Be proud of yourself. Finish your degree, figure out with YOUR HUSBAND what your plans are and for heavens sake, enjoy this lovely beautiful miracle you have in your belly and don't let the negativity of moms hopes and dreams for you change the journey God has set before you. It's YOUR journey your not living it for mom.

 

[Sushai]

Thank you Mommy'sAngel.

Your comment really was soothing. You are right, God puts us all on a certain path for a certain reason. We may make plans and God changes those plans, and only He knows why.

I may give it a few days before I make any contact with my mother, but it will definetly not be physical just over the phone.

Thank you for your kind words and encouragement.

 

[knitbit]

You sound like you really have your act together. With only six months left, you should be able to finish your studies before the baby is born. You are married and own a home. Really the only thing you haven't followed in terms of her advice is getting a job first. Her reaction sounds pretty irrational. I'm sorry you are going through this.

 

[LAWGYRL1908]

I am in awe. First of all you are are not in high school at 23 I wouldn't think. You are still continuing with your studies, and three you have a stable father for the baby in place. I know you were probably expecting her to feel the joy that you have. I was told a week or two ago to remember: not everyone is going to be happy for and with you, so don't get your feelings hurt expecting them to be. Bottom line is that if you are happy, then nothing else matters. You have alot going on right now, and your job is to do everything in your power to provide for your baby. You don't need to be stressed, so please don't be. Find something else to do so you won't find yourself worrying. It can be detrimental, so think positive and everything will be okay. At the end of the day, you can always come on here because you'll always find that support from all of us here.

Kemiya

 

[Mommy's Angel]

Thank you Mommy'sAngel.

Your comment really was soothing. You are right, God puts us all on a certain path for a certain reason. We may make plans and God changes those plans, and only He knows why.

I may give it a few days before I make any contact with my mother, but it will definetly not be physical just over the phone.

Thank you for your kind words and encouragement.

I'm glad to give you some encouragement. I don't have a supportive mom or dad either. I love them, but they are pretty closed off emotionally. I'm pregnant and because of the fact they weren't there for us at our sons loss and in fact caused much heartache in the process, we are not telling our family until April.

Just remember when you finally do have contact with her you may not change her mind. It's OKAY though. As sad as it is how they should be loving and supportive, sometimes people just don't know how to act in any other way than by who they are. Those feelings are HERS. You can't change them but you also don't have to take those words and keep them as your own. Her problem is not YOURS. When she says something rude just be sure to tell her your sorry she feels that way. If she puts you down, say no, I've accomplished so much and I am proud of who I am. If you feel things are escalating then its time to say, I love you mom but I love myself, my husband and my baby enough to stop this conversation. When your able to talk with me in a respectful manner I'm here. End with I love you and then a goodbye.

Bounderies are a good thing I've learned over the years. I refuse to take on my parents ideals of who they think I should be. I'm not theirs to control.


Remember to be HAPPY for the blessing you have. It's a gift.

 

[Sushai]

You girls are a great support.

Im starting to feel a bit better now. I just hope to not break down when I see my husband (usually do when something negative happens).

 

[Charmaine1]

Hopefully she comes around. I don't see why it would be bad. I had my first when I was in college, got my degree...and now I'm working on my masters and pregnant again. It can be done. I think it would be harder later on, honestly.

 

[magicbubble]

its not a case of not listening to her - more a case of sometimes life just doesnt turn out how you plan it i would say.

but you are married - to me that is the main thing. my mum was a single parent from when i was about 10 and although she did very very well i think its probably easier with a mummy and a daddy (as long as he pulls his weight)

 

[cheerios]

Hey dear
May I ask smth? Are you Asian??? Your mom sounds Chinese, somehow. Reminds me of my mom. My family's very traditional and I think my parents would have flipped out the way you mom did if I got PG before I finished my studies. Not that I could, cos I wasn't married yet, but you know what I mean.

But I think parents have their own opinion and what they think is best for their children. Probably since yr mom got PG at 19, she didn't want her children to get preggy young??? Not trying to stand up for your mom here though.

Still, yr mom would take a while to get used to idea that you're pregnant, but I'm v. sure once she's over her own issues, she would embrace you and your pregnancy. Only qn is how long will it take. My guess is, the latest would be when she sees your little baby and hold "it" in her arms, she would take back all her words about you being pregnant now.

 

[Sushai]

Hey dear
May I ask smth? Are you Asian??? Your mom sounds Chinese, somehow. Reminds me of my mom. My family's very traditional and I think my parents would have flipped out the way you mom did if I got PG before I finished my studies. Not that I could, cos I wasn't married yet, but you know what I mean.

But I think parents have their own opinion and what they think is best for their children. Probably since yr mom got PG at 19, she didn't want her children to get preggy young??? Not trying to stand up for your mom here though.

Still, yr mom would take a while to get used to idea that you're pregnant, but I'm v. sure once she's over her own issues, she would embrace you and your pregnancy. Only qn is how long will it take. My guess is, the latest would be when she sees your little baby and hold "it" in her arms, she would take back all her words about you being pregnant now.

Im not of asian background. Im spanish.

My grandparents also got upset with my mother when she got pregnant with me out of wed lock, but once I was born they warmed up. However, during her pregnancy with me my parents were concerned with her and my health and progress, and they would also give her money for check ups.

I dont need anything from my mom, except support. I do hope this comes in due time.

 

[girlygirl:)]

I'm not condoling what your mother has said or done at all, but it's probably really hard for her to except the fact that your pregnant because your still a their baby in their eyes, especially if your first born. My parents tell me all of the time "your still my little baby in my eyes" and I've moved out for over a year with OH. Your mother will come round in the end, you just need to let it sink in. It doesn't matter if you would have done what she said she still would of been pissed off!! Xxx

 

[Rheaz]

Hey fellow Australian!
I am in balmy Brisbane right now where we are battling through, another, thunderstorm!
I can relate!
My PARTNER is upset.
My mother is doing fine.
My partner is worried that his life will now be "over".
He has good and bad days, but we've just come through a bad one.
I would say stuff what your mother thinks, I know that is hard, but geez, at least in the future as a mother you'll know what you will want to do most for your kids into the future - support them always.
Here for you hun.
xx