"Mother" "Father" "Aunt" "Uncle" etc - Are These Titles Necessary?

[Lightworker]

Was just having this discussion with DH about the importance of these labels. My DD1 calls my DH by his nickname and rarely says "dad". We do not find this a problem but I know some parents are stricts about these titles. My thinking is that they make children feel that their parents are some superior, infallible beings and are not their equals but I want my LOs to see me as their equal. Due think without these titles children can be respectful mindful beings?

 

[LovelyGirl85]

I don't agree on everyone getting called Auntie or Uncle...it can then become acase of having about 20 of these if you count all your friends/cousins etc and I think it's a bit much.

For my little girl she has about 5 aunts and uncles and I think that's enough. Two of these are family and 3 are close friends that she sees often!

I just think it sounds more respectful when they use aunt and uncle as these people are older than her.

I also want her to call me mum and my OH dad without any issues as that is what we are. I don't think of us as equals...I'm her mum who is there to teach and guide her throughout most of her life as I can and I want the differenciation between me and her pals.

 

[Nibblenic]

My Lo sometimes calls OH by his name but we a certainly not encouraging it and shes growing out of the phase. I think mummy and daddy are very importnant titles not only in terms of endearment but respect.

My Lo has 2 aunties and 2 uncles non of which are related by blood. I choose to name that that to show that they are someone special that Lo can trust and put her faith in to have her best interests at heart. They are people who are going to love her pretty much unconditionally. Yes I suppose it is also about respect I would expect her to respect them and listen to them.

 

[smokey]

LO has a few fake Aunts and Uncles but purely because our family is so large and all such as third cousins and such are still very close so it just gets confusing to explain how they are related so for example my mums cousin has a little girl about Brians age so the little Girl is just refered to as his cousin.
Also my cousin was partly raised by my parents so I see him as more of a brother then a cousin so to LO he is his Uncle.
Another one is OH Uncles has a little girl so again they are just refered to as AUNT, Uncle and cousin.

I dont however do the whole friends as Aunts (apart from one work colege that I do as a joke to wind her up)

I know children can sometimes go through a phase of calling their parents by their names when they are a bit confused as to why others do but its certainly not something I would encourage.
To me parents and children are not equals if we where then the child would not need us to teach, protect, guide, encourage, help, nerture them.
I was always brought up with respect for my parents and elders and calling a parents by mum, dad, mummy or whatever is part of that respect.

Plus mummy is a tittle I have battled very hard to obtain and im not giving it up

However I think a personal petname for your parents (not something anyone else refers to them as) can be a very personal affectionete thing, I have called my mum moogie since I was about 10 (it means mother in ferengi from startrek and yes im that sad)

 

[Lightworker]

My thing is that everyone deserves equal amount of respect eg I respect my DD in the same way she respects me. I don't give my mother any more respect than I would say my friend IYKWIM. I want my DD to respect people because that is another human being, not purely because they are her mom aunt etc. I don't want her growing up to think there are people who are superior to her.I dont believe being a teacher means you are superior,and I feel I learn alot from LOs just as they learn from me, hence the equality.

 

[smokey]

I think there are different types of respect though, does this mean you respect your mum the same as youd respect a rapist or a muderer just because they are human as well?

I think a mother deffinetly should deserve more respect then say a friend, which one gave you life and fed, clothed and nurtered you after all?
Although that point is completly useless if you have a bad mother that abbandoned or just didnt bother but as a general rule I stick with that.

 

[marley2580]

I don't mind being called by my name, I think it's important that children know the names of their parents incase they get lost. I also don't mind being called mummy.

I'm away to get married and, even though my OH and I have been together 5 years, I'll suddenly become 'aunty'. Now tbh I find that strange, I certainly won't consider myself aunty to my OHs nieces and nephew. Not sure why though

 

[caz81]

When I was about 14 my mum decided that I could not call her mum anymore and had to call her by her name instead, I hated it as there is something comforting in the title I will always want my daughter to call me mum as it shows the special relationship we have.

 

[angel2010]

I think I have to agree with everything Smokey has said so far.

 

[PeanutBean]

I really don't see any problem with the titles. To me they just confer the way in which we are related to one another. Words are just words until you put a specific meaning on them. I DO have big beef with this thing that you see in American TV and kids calling their Dad 'Sir'!! I also personally don't like any old friend (or even just close friends) of the parents being called Aunt or Uncle. As far as I'm concerned if you're not the sibling of one of the parents (or by marriage/very long term relationship) then you're not an Aunt or an Uncle.

When my second cousin visited from NZ maybe a year ago (she's only little) she asked how we were all related as there was a huge family gathering and I enjoyed explaining all the relationships. You need titles to do that.

 

[smokey]

I really don't see any problem with the titles. To me they just confer the way in which we are related to one another. Words are just words until you put a specific meaning on them. I DO have big beef with this thing that you see in American TV and kids calling their Dad 'Sir'!! I also personally don't like any old friend (or even just close friends) of the parents being called Aunt or Uncle. As far as I'm concerned if you're not the sibling of one of the parents (or by marriage/very long term relationship) then you're not an Aunt or an Uncle.

When my second cousin visited from NZ maybe a year ago (she's only little) she asked how we were all related as there was a huge family gathering and I enjoyed explaining all the relationships. You need titles to do that.

Im not keen on this either, on programmes such as nanny 911 and strictest parent type of thing it gives the impresion that its demanded to call the father sir, to me thats not respect thats fear and bordering on servitude rather then father and child.
It may be just the way it comes across or the way I view it but its like saying "I made you obay me"
Now I have no problem with a healthy but of fear from a child (ie I better not do that because mummy will be annoyed or dissapointed in me) but sir goes a little too far.

 

[Lightworker]

The more I think about it, the more I am leaning more towards actually encouraging them to refer to me by my first name. If she specfically wants to call me mom its fine but I think I would rather my first name. By respect, I mean politeness and courtesy and I show everyone that in equal measure, regardless of what they have done in their lives. I was watching Dharma and Greg (yep its fiction I know) and she calls mom by her name and their relationship is lovely and open.

 

[smokey]

The more I think about it, the more I am leaning more towards actually encouraging them to refer to me by my first name. If she specfically wants to call me mom its fine but I think I would rather my first name. By respect, I mean politeness and courtesy and I show everyone that in equal measure, regardless of what they have done in their lives. I was watching Dharma and Greg (yep its fiction I know) and she calls mom by her name and their relationship is lovely and open.

Yeah but she is also a hippy and doesnt believe in being tied down by lables.

No offence ment to anyone but shows like this portray stereotypical typecasts to the extreme

 

[PeanutBean]

Not seen the show. To me the terms of mum and dad show family affection not rules or setting one family member above another. Like there might be nicknames for close friend's. Like we have sweet names for Byron to show our affection too.

 

[Nibblenic]

We have nicknames for my Dads Husband we offered him Grandad, but as I dont call him dad, as he isnt and my dads you know right there. WE've gone with chrissy. Which is nice as it shows that closeness and is esentially a title.

 

[Laura2919]

I'd never dream of calling my mum by her real name, I know it and have known it since I was little but she is my mum. I have different respect for her than I do my friends because of all her and my dad have done for me and my siblings. to me its not right that they are called by their first names.
As for aunty and uncles I let my family decide what they want to be called, all my aunty and uncles, close or not are called aunty or uncle. My sister calls herself aunty and my brother calls himself uncle but OH sister refers to herself as her first name.
Chloe and Jaycee are going through the phase of calling their dad by his first name and he hates it. I dont think that respect comes into it. I am their 'mum' I gave them life and I care for them everyday. I enjoy hearing them call me mum.

 

[Justagirlxx]

The title mom or dad is not a negative term that puts children beneath us. It's a term of endearment and love, a term that cements family ties. You speak as though "Mom" and "Dad" are versions of "Ma'am" and "Sir", which they are not. Also, I will be respected by my children, they are not my equals because they haven't gained the experience and knowledge in this life that it takes to make responsible decisions and take care of themselves. I don't understand how children can be seen as equals to adults. It's not like they are any less important, but they are children, they can not be seen as equals until they are adults and are responsible for themselves. When they are adults they will still respect me because I am their mother, I have raised them, just like I respect my mother. My mother is my friend and confidant but she is still my mother and has more experiences in life that make her wiser and someone I can trust and respect and go to for advice. It's a loving respect, not caused by fear or a respect that makes me somehow inferior to her. I respect her out of love and admiration and as a choice that I make to respect the woman who raised me and made me the woman I am today.

 

[twinkle1975]

I agree that I'd want a child of mine to call me Mum, as I've always called my Mum Mum - for me it's a term of affection & respect, both of which I feel for her.
I'm auntie to my DH's nephew but he calls me by my name - when we got married his Mum tried to get him to call my Auntie but he wasn't comfy with it so I had no problem with him carrying on calling me by name.
We have some close friends who've had a baby and we're referred to as Funcle and Fanta as we're fake auntie & uncle!

 

[smokey]

Do you know I still cant call OH granparents by their first names as to me its not respectfull, I also cant refer to any of my old teachers that way either.

One of my old teachers from when I was 5 came into the resturant I work in last year and I havnt seen her in nearly 25 years and straight away I still called her by her surname, she was actualy very surprised I remembered her but to me thats what she will always be because of the respect I had for her as my teacher.
I hated called teachers by their first name in college.

 

[Hayley90]

I really don't see any problem with the titles. To me they just confer the way in which we are related to one another. Words are just words until you put a specific meaning on them. I DO have big beef with this thing that you see in American TV and kids calling their Dad 'Sir'!! I also personally don't like any old friend (or even just close friends) of the parents being called Aunt or Uncle. As far as I'm concerned if you're not the sibling of one of the parents (or by marriage/very long term relationship) then you're not an Aunt or an Uncle.

When my second cousin visited from NZ maybe a year ago (she's only little) she asked how we were all related as there was a huge family gathering and I enjoyed explaining all the relationships. You need titles to do that.

Exactly this! (Sorry, didn't see the point in writing out my own waffle when you said it better ) x