"Mother" "Father" "Aunt" "Uncle" etc - Are These Titles Necessary?

[Nic1107]

I definitely prefer using either 'titles' or terms of endearment when referring to elder family members; I just don't feel right calling people by their first names when they are my aunt, uncle, in-laws, etc. My mom is my Mommy and always will be- she is everybody else's Liz but she's my mom- mine and my brothers, and ours only. ykwim? I do call one of my aunts "Dee", but that's a family nickname and I would never call her by her real name (Kathy). That's just my preference though.

Most of my nieces and nephews on my in-law side (I don't consider them just 'my husband's nieces/nephews') call me Nic, but they're slowly getting used to saying "Auntie Nic". Honestly it bothered me that they only used my first name (they do call all their other aunties/uncles-by-marriage by their titles) because it made me feel less a part of the family.

 

[amygwen]

I think it's just a sign of respect. I'm 20 years old and I still call my aunties, "Auntie ____" and my uncles, "Uncle ___". Calling my dad by his first name or calling my mom by her first name to me is just plain weird.

 

[BlackBerry25]

^ Me too.

Helena calls our close cousins Auntie and Uncle as well, and calls their kids her cousins.
She also calls some very close friends Uncle so and so.

 

[angelandbump]

My parents have always been and always will be Mum and dad to be and i will always be Mum to Mathew as will Kyle be dad. Thats what we are to him.

I will not allow our friends to be called aunty or uncle as Mathew has enough family with out extending it to friends.

I think its respectful to address your parents with the titles "mum and dad". Kyle doesn't speak to his father, and he calls him John or other things i can't say on here but thats because he has no respect for him.

Arrgghhh i can't get accross what i want to say I keep reading what i have wrote and it doesnt sound right.

Sorry girls *i have spat out my dummy *

 

[redpoppy]

After I read To Kill a Mokcingbird at school I always thought it would be supercool to be called by your first name by your kids (or preferably Atticus! ) but since becoming a mum I LOVE being called Mama as that's what I call my mum and the feelings of love there are immense. It's just magical to have her call me Mama and I will insist on it just like my mum did.

 

[littlepne]

Out of interest, what do people call their in-laws (to their faces I mean!!!! )? Do you call them by their names or do you use Mum and Dad?

 

[PeanutBean]

God by their names definitely! I don't much get on with my in-laws but even if I did I don't think I could call them mum or whatever. That would just be weird.

 

[BlackBerry25]

Names!

 

[cleckner04]

In our family we said both. My aunts name is Teresa so I call her 'aunt teresa'. It's just what we say for aunts and uncles. And I wouldn't dream of calling my parents by their first name. It's just a sign of respect for me. They are my mother and father. No one else has the privilege of calling them mom and dad, but my brother and I can.


I wouldn't call my inlaws mom and dad either. I love them to death but they are still called by their first names.

 

[tallybee]

Yea Mum and Dad all the way.

Though I went through a stage of not talking to my Dad, after my Mum died he was totally unavailable for support for my Brother and I, we were 20 and 18 at the time and could really have done with his support. So I was calling him by his first name because after that coupled with his other abandonment through our lives I did not feel he had earned the name Dad. Getting back on track now though.

It is a respect and affection thing imo. As others have pointed out, yes children are people but they are not adults and as such are not 'equal' to adults, they need to be treated differently to adults until they grow into adults with all the experience and life behind them which makes them so.

Yes to an extent everyone deserves the same respect but the actions people choose to make necessarily change its dues. I try to treat everyone I come into contact with, the same, as until we know their qualities there's no other way. Rapists and murderers do not deserve the same respect as those who have changed our world for the better. And on a more personal and day to day level, FOBs who fuck off and do nothing do NOT deserve father respect, whereas loving step-Dads who step in, make huge sacrifice and take on that role, certainly do deserve it.

That said, parents (negligent ones aside) are special and their role in making us and nurturing us ought to preserve a particular place in our affection/respect continuum into adulthood.

Inlaws by their first names Anything else just too odd for me - I love OH's family and I am totally accepted in their family but they're just not my parents lol. His sisters and everyone are their first names by default - what else would we call them lol.

 

[Laura2919]

Out of interest, what do people call their in-laws (to their faces I mean!!!! )? Do you call them by their names or do you use Mum and Dad?

My mum and dad refer to their in laws as mum and dad and I refer to mine as their names but in my opinion I have a mum and a dad and they arent my mum and dad. My best friends mum has the nickname mummy2 but thats cos she nicknamed herself that.

 

[Justagirlxx]

The funny thing is, my husband has always called his grandfather by his first name because he didn't want to be called grandpa. I always have had a huge problem with that and I felt as though his grandfather was the one being disrespectful by not allowing my husband to call him grandpa, since to me it's a term of endearment, I think it's wrong and mean for him to not allow my husband to call him that.

Anyways I call my In laws by their names or Meme and Papi (their own personalized versions of grandma and grandpa which they want my son to call them)

 

[smokey]

I dont know what to call my MIL, I would never call her mum because I already have one and I cringe at having to call her by her first name as it just deosnt feel right to me, she is my elder and I just wasnt raised that way.
If im talking about her to someone else I refer to her as Darryl's mum and I cant call her mrs ??? because she then says "im not my MIL"

 

[Nic1107]

I call my in-laws "mom" and "dad"; I wouldn't dream of calling them by their first names (can't pronounce them anyway ) and "Mr. & Mrs." would be like I'm not part of the family. I call my best friend's mom "mom" too. I only call my own mother "ma" or "mummy" though.

 

[Seraphim]

I only know one family well where the children call their parents by their first names and I think it did more harm than good. The sons, one in particular used it with great disrespect, yet he'd always called him by name.

I think as children we *own* our parents. And I think that is something of a need. I think having the title of mum/dad gives us a sense of that ownership. She's MY mummy.

 

[smokey]

One of LO cousins (the one whos not realy a cousin but adopted 3rd cousin or somthing, told you massive family) delibratly calls her grandma by her first name.
We where out at a family meal a few months back and everytime she did it someone would correct her but she just had this little smirk and realy enthasised her name again, she clearly was doing it to be rebelious and knew what she was doing (shes 7)

She is one of these naturaly naughty to get a rise type children but I also think its because she has picked up on that her grandma maybe doesnt see her as her grandchild because she is adopted (its never been said but I get that feeling from her)

So to me personaly calling a parent by their name is pretty much a refusal to execpt them as your parental figure.
I would be devastated if Brian didnt want to call me mum

 

[caz81]

I have to call my inlaws 'mum' and 'dad', id rather not but they insist!

 

[Every Rose]

Children like to have relatives. I've seen from my neice and nephew growing up that they like to know who is in their family and often asked questions like "but how are they related to us?" or "if my dad is your brother then is my mum your sister?" and the like.

Titles are important in that way.

I don't like it when the entire world is called "uncle" this or "aunty" that when in truth you hardly know them.

I don't quite know how to put this without it coming out wrong but in one way your LO isn't your equal. I don't mean they are less of a person than you are but as a parent you are also the one who has to guide and teach them and make decisions for all of you, sometimes without their imput or against their wishes. Sometimes that will involve a difference of opinion and a need to disciplin them and although you might think you will always sit down and have a family discussion or a vote or whatever, sometimes the decisions have to be made by parents alone and an element of "because I say so" has to be involved. To pull that off you need authority and titles can give you that.

Also I think they make children feel valued and secure and safe. Part of the tribe so to speak.

 

[smokey]

Even when your child does become your equal ie when they have all grown up I still feel the titles of mum and dad are needed as a term of repsect to show you are the ones responsible for their teachings and upbringing

 

[Every Rose]

I call my in-laws by their names. They tried for mum and dad and I didn't like it because they aren't my mum and dad. Although recently they become a collective known as "Your Mother" and trust me there is very little respect in that title But they've treated us so badly they have blown any respect I had for them to pieces.

That's another thing about using first names. I don't call my parents by their first names to feel equal to them and I don't call them mum and dad to show I'm not equal to them or as a sign of respect.

I call them mum and dad because that's who they are to me and it's special. Ideally you only get one mum and dad and hopefully they are good ones.

I do agree that people as humans are equals and that everyone should be offered respect from everyone else. But if we all start from the same place it then turns to what a person does to see how far that goes. Do they behave in a way that earns respect etc?

And that is nothing to do with automatically getting respect just because your title is Mr/Mrs/Dr/Sir/Lord/Your Highness/Mum or Dad.

You wouldn't respect a bad mum more than a good friend just because she was called mum and your friend was called Susan.

And the way things are now everyone uses first names for everyone. Total strangers call me by my first name just because they have it on a form in front of them etc so it's not the mark of a close or equal relationship to me.