Mother-to-be ends relationship throws me out

[Odinson]

So that anyone who chooses to read and respond to this post knows our situation since we got our news I'll start from there to give background. Forgive me for the lengthy nature of this post but I'm feeling lost and am doing my hardest not to make a final stupid decision and need some help. So when the love of my life gave me the news she was pregnant my initial response was shock because she was never supposed to be able to get pregnant. She was born without one ovary and at 14 she had an ovarian cyst and upon removal they took 3/4 of her remaining vary. So after I recovered from the shock I pulled her into a hug and kisses her forehead. I told her we would get married and start our family. I was ecstatic. She told me "you don't believe in marriage." I replied "I believe in us." My lease expired literally the next day so I moved in with her so I could be close to her and the baby. This was our 6 week mark. We tell the family and friends and everything seemed fine till the 7-8 week mark and then she started blowing off date night and stopped talking to me. On January 2nd she tells me that the pregnancy was so sudden and that she is in a "weird" place and she needs time and space to figure it out and "hopefully we can get through this." And then kicks me out. I grew up in foster care and don't have a family to take me in, and I had been spending my savings to get debt free before the baby was born so she knew full well that I would be sleeping in my car for months until I could pay for another place. She then proceeded to block me from social media (frankly I could care less about social media, it's just that she went as far as to block me that bothers me.) before we found out she was pregnant she talked to me about everything, she always had my back no matter what. She is my best friend. I don't understand how you go from talking to someone you love everyday to no contact and throwing them out on the street saying you need space. It's been almost a week and I've heard from her twice. Once was a doctors appt where she wouldn't hold my hand when she got blood drawn (she HATES needles) and she wouldn't let me in for the ultra sound. It was brutal. I don't understand what is going on, and it's killing me. The emotional stress is literally affecting me physically. My ulcer came back. I was hospitalized Tuesday for a stress induced cardiomyopathy which I haven't told her about because I don't want to 1) stress her out and 2) make it seem like I'm manipulating her into taking me back. (She ended our relationship....) can anyone tell me what's going on????

 

[spicyorange]

I'm afraid the only person that can tell you what's going on is her, sounds like things are moving fast and she is scared. I know you said she went speak to you but you really need to talk, maybe give her some space but tell her you need to talk things through

 

[Odinson]

I've tried to talk to her, she says she just needs time. I took her parents to lunch and while it seemed her dad was on my side her mom was adament that I not contact her. Her mom keeps telling her that any stress whatsoever will endanger the baby and I've gotten the feeling that this may have some part to do with her moms influence. It doesn't make sense to me regardless how many hormones are running through someone's system that they would do this. I'm heartbroken and confused and can't get any answers from her....

 

[pgfairy]

So sorry to hear that you're having such a rough time. I spent a lot of my childhood without a father so my heart goes out to any man that wants to be a part of his child's life.

Just to add an alternative perspective I really don't think the hormones have that much to do with your situation. I can say for my own part that if I had thought since I was very young that I would never be a mother then finding out I was pregnant would probably alter my entire psyche. And that goes for her mom too, if she thought she was never going to be a biological grandmother.

Nobody else can say for sure what she's thinking of course and there are always two sides to everything but if it were me I'm pretty sure I'd be trying really hard right now to reconcile the future I thought I was going to have my whole adult life, with the future that's suddenly facing me and I can't imagine that's an easy adjustment to make.

It's really common for anyone who is suffering from an emotional upheaval like that to push people away. Read any grief support forum and you'll find that to be true. While I know this is supposed to be a happy time she might have to spend some time grieving the life she thought she'd have, and probably had a really hard time coming to grips with in the first place, that is now gone forever. Add to that the immense and suffocating terror we all feel when we find out we're pregnant and that's a heavy load.

I always think in these situations the best thing you can do is be patient. Be supportive. Be sure she knows you want to be a part of your kids life and that you're there for her, and that's about all the things that are in your control taken care of.

Fx for you.

 

[TwilightAgain]

Honestly regardless of the fact that this is a surprise pregnancy and she is scared, the way she is behaving is bang out of order. Regardless that she's pregnant, it's not all about her. You're going to be a father and your health is also important. She needs to know about your ulcer because keeping things from each other is not going to promote honesty. I'm sorry you're going through this, I hope she sees sense soon - regardless of whether she truly wants the relationship to end or not, she needs to realise how important it is for you both to discuss whats going on.

 

[Odinson]

I agree. It bothers me that I'm unable to bond with my child right now and that I have no idea how long this separation will last. I just don't know what I can do about it. I obviously can't force the issue. Her mom is all for keeping me away "if that's what she wants." Saying that the baby will be taken care of. I can honestly say that before the pregnancy she loved me completely, I truly believe that. Now though I have no idea.

 

[Leafy]

I know it might sound weak and no excuse but her hormones are all over the place and that affects different women in different ways. She may feel completely different in time with a bit of space. Hope you can work something out, cant imagine going through that

 

[knobby]

It was probably a huge shock to her that she was pregnant. It was unplanned and maybe for her she didn't want this. It sounds like things really went downhill when you brought up marriage. Which stressed her out even more. I would go to her and let her no there is no pressure to get married just because she is having a baby. Maybe she will ease up and let you back into her life.

 

[Odinson]

She's wanted us to be together and get married for quite a long time.

 

[Ahughes]

This is easier said than done, but maybe give her the space she is asking for but still make an effort but in an indirect way. Get your own place (if you can financially) and prepare it for a new baby. Show her how committed you are!! Then maybe she'll see how hard you are trying and realize that she needs you. I hope everything turns out well for you!

 

[knobby]

She's wanted us to be together and get married for quite a long time.

Maybe so, but this may be too much happening all at once. Also, it sounds like you had no interest in marriage before she got pregnant, and maybe she feels you are only wanting to marry her now because she is pregnant. Which is not a reason to get married. The only reason should be that you love her and want to spend the rest of your life with her, whether or not she is pregnant. Afterall, would your feelings about getting married to her change if the unfortunate happened and she lost the baby? She needs to know.

I would still be telling her there is no pressure, you will do whatever she is comfortable doing, as long as she will let you back in her life.

 

[hope4babe]

I agree, it sounds like she is hurt that your proposal to get married was only because of her pregnancy. That can be very hurtful, as it becomes clear to her that you had no interest in marrying her, but the baby.

Only she can say for sure though