mothers day and sister-in-law rant

[lovinmyhubby]

don't know if I'm posting this in the right section.. But I just need some advice from ladies dealing with the same struggles. Every year mothers day just hits me super hard, as I recently had an early miscarriage and a few years had another in may around mothers day. But still I pluck myself up and do the mothersday plans for not only my mom and grandmothers, but DH's as well.

However this year I'm just having a hard time. Especially because my sister-in-law is causing a stink that I didn't get her a gift and flowers like I did for our MIL. And her husband (DH's brother) is making a stink as well.

SIL and I used to be great friends until recently when everything became a competition with her, yet everyone believes she's the perfect angel. Everytime something good happens for me she throws babies in my face and she knows I have pcos and am having trouble getting pregnant and if I do I miscarry. I even lost 30lbs to help ttc and she said in front of family '' must be hard finding clothes because ur still so big on top'' (even though I'm not..went from 38DDD to 34D, big difference)

so, my question... Do I cave and get her a gift? Was I wrong not to get her one? How do I handle her horrible demeanor towards my infertility and her using it to hurt me?

thanks for reading my super long message and wishing all lots of luck and

 

[mojo86]

don't know if I'm posting this in the right section.. But I just need some advice from ladies dealing with the same struggles. Every year mothers day just hits me super hard, as I recently had an early miscarriage and a few years had another in may around mothers day. But still I pluck myself up and do the mothersday plans for not only my mom and grandmothers, but DH's as well.

However this year I'm just having a hard time. Especially because my sister-in-law is causing a stink that I didn't get her a gift and flowers like I did for our MIL. And her husband (DH's brother) is making a stink as well.

SIL and I used to be great friends until recently when everything became a competition with her, yet everyone believes she's the perfect angel. Everytime something good happens for me she throws babies in my face and she knows I have pcos and am having trouble getting pregnant and if I do I miscarry. I even lost 30lbs to help ttc and she said in front of family '' must be hard finding clothes because ur still so big on top'' (even though I'm not..went from 38DDD to 34D, big difference)

so, my question... Do I cave and get her a gift? Was I wrong not to get her one? How do I handle her horrible demeanor towards my infertility and her using it to hurt me?

thanks for reading my super long message and wishing all lots of luck and

Hey hun first of all im so sorry for your losses! Can I just ask, why on earth do you need to get your SIL a present?? Do you mean a mothers day present?? If so, er, NO!! Your not her mother and how bloody insensitive is she?!! On mothers day I buy my mum and MIL a present and THATS IT! I think she is being completely ridiculous and no I do not think you should be buying her a present!! Your not in the wrong hun! She sounds like she is nothing but a B***H to you!
I can sympathise with the whole competition thing with the SIL. I have that problem, mainly caused by my MIL. I am only a few months into treatment whereas my SIL is on to her second round of IVF and its been turned into a competition. I have comments from my MIL like "oh it looks like you wont be a mum first after all!" etc. The best way to deal with it, I find, is to distance from myself from them and now when discussing fertility etc I only give them very limited information about whats going on with me. As far as im concerned, its none of their business!
Well done for losing the weight! I also have PCOS and know how hard it is to lose weight with PCOS!! You did well! It sounds very much like your SIL is jealous of you and I have to wonder, once you have a gorgeous baby in your arms, what will she be able to pick at then?? Concentrate on yourself hun, with friends like that who needs enemies!! xxx

 

[zanDark]

Last year I got my MIL and SIL beautiful indoor plants for mothers day because we live in the same building and thought it would be rude not too...but at the same time I didn't want to go out and search for gorgeous presents since mothers day is hard for me as well...

this year they're not getting shit but only because they keep talking to me about "not stressing" and "it will happen" and "God decides" and crap like that.....I might be overreacting...but they have their kids to get them presents!!

I wouldn't get her anything if I were you...especially since she's being rude and demanding a present!!

I'm sorry for your losses hun

 

[Liesje]

I was under the impression that mothers day was to get YOUR mother a gift, no?
...not everyone ELSE'S mother, otherwise, where does it end? Your neighbor's mom? Your mailman's?
I wasn't aware that just because someone has reproduced, they've created this extra holiday for themselves where everyone around them must shower them with gifts every year.

 

[No Doubt]

I agree with the other ladies. And especially after how she is to you, I wouldn't get her damn thing. If her husband has such problem with it, tell him to get her something, or her own kid get her something. It's MOTHER'S day...not SIL day. But I wouldn't definately say something to her cause it's not right. I'm can be a bitch so you may not want to take my advice...lol, but I would just be completely honest and tell her "When you miraculously become the woman that gave me life, I'll think about getting you a gift...but that's only if you also miraculously quite being a bitch."

I know it's easy to stay to yourself, but but if you mever say anything it won't stop. At least if you say something and it continues, then you'd be within your right to cuss her out the next time.

I PCOS too, so I know the struggle with weight and you've done a great job! Mother's day is hard, but stay positive...you're bfp is coming!

 

[lovinmyhubby]

you ladies are amazing. Thank you all for your kind words! I could not believe that she expected a gift for mothers day, and I fully intend on not giving her a darn thing this year, or any year for that matter. I always went by getting my mother a gift and the mil, I just hate all the crap I get from my sister-in-law and I end up folding.. Everything is such a problem and what's worse is she turns stuff around and tattles to mil and is slowly ruining my relationship with my inlaws.

But I have absolutley had enough and my line is drawn 100%.

No Doubt, I totally wish I had the guts to say that to her!! The look on her face would be priceless. Definitely would take that picture and treasure it forever!

Thank you everybody again! I swear, ltttc would be so much more isolating and agonizing without this site and the wonderful ladies that fill it

 

[MackMomma8]

I wasn't aware that just because someone has reproduced, they've created this extra holiday for themselves where everyone around them must shower them with gifts every year.

Oh honey, you just made my day.