Mum not being as supportive as I'd hoped?

[LJaydow]

Hey all,

Hope you dont mind me posting this - I just want to get it out as its making me feel really sad.

Situation at the mo is that I am 9 weeks pregnant. I am 22 (23 in September), OH is 36 and has a 16 year old daughter from a previous relationship. We have been together 2 years, and I have been living with him for a year and a half. We are renting a house at the mo. We both have debt, me a lot less, but he will be going bankrupt soon, which doesnt mean anything in terms of the money he can earn, it just has to go into another bank account. The only downside is that as his credit rating will be screwed, we cannot get a house (we dont have the savings to do this anyway).

Anyway, I finally plucked up the courage to tell mum on Friday, outside Marks and Spencer - not the best of ideas I know but it just came out. Her first reaction was better than I thought. She kept saying that personally she thinks it is madness and that at 22 I would be throwing my life away, but it is ultimately my decision and that whatever she would stand by me. She said she would tell dad that night, which I was more worried of. With this in mind I didnt ring on Saturday as I didnt know if they would want some time to themselves. I rang on Sunday and mum said "if you can tear yourself away from your him (my OH), I would like to talk to you, i am still your mother".

I went over there pretty much right away, and we sat down and dad said that he thought it best that they explained everything to me and the consequence of having a child, and that he didnt want me to go into anything blind. All mum said was that I should get rid of it, and the time in which i could do so, and how they do it. She even turned round and said she was praying for me to have a miscarriage! She said that she doesnt like OH at all, that he doesnt have any prospects at his age, that we wont ever get a mortgage, i wont be able to go out, go back to work or anything. Every time mum mentioned this, dad said to me to remember that it was my decision and that i shouldnt listen to anyone elses opinions and that it is a decision that only i can make. Somewhere in this discussion mum said that she is not a children person, that it was dad that wanted me, not her, and to not even consider bringing the child round for her to look after.

This is how it has been left, aside from her hanging up on me a couple of times today, and then when i went round there acted like nothing had happened. The only thing that was said was asking me when i was going to let them know, and would i know tomorrow.

I am just so gobsmacked and hurt really and being emotional anyway i just feel really low. I am going to let them know tomorrow, but i am so scared of the reaction of everything, i dont want anymore nastiness and i dont want to lose my parents. I am confident that i can be a good mother, and that the situation i am in is stable.

Sorry for the long post just needed to get it all out

 

[Leah_xx]

Welcome and congrats
wow hun, i really dont know how to help you
Im leah by the way,17, and 29+4 weeks pregnant with a little girl.
Im sorry your mom is acting that way about all this and hope it turns aroune eventually for you

 

[mommieoftwo]

My mum was a little like that at first.
I was 14 when I got pregnant though so its a lot different.
She came round to the idea when I was about 7 months gone.

She hated Lucas aswell and she never wanted me to get married to him bur I went behind her back and asked my dad for permission to marry (theyre divorced) and he agreed.
She came round to that too.

Im just really sorry she isnt or supportive because its not what you want to hear when you are in a stable relationship

 

[Sophiiie]

i'm really sorry that your mum hasn't taken it well it's probably still just down to the shock, and that's why she's being like that.. but she's said some really harsh things. at least your dad seems much more supportive, it might be worth trying to talk to him alone & explain how you feel xx

 

[17thy]

Aw I'm sorry My mom wasn't too thrilled at first, and even avoided telling people until I had made it past the first trimester. But now she's way better. Tells people she's going to be a grandma, shares the baby's ultrasound pics, and goes shopping for me. She's even going to throw a shower for me Just give her some time for it to sink in, and i'm sure she'll be fine.

 

[LJaydow]

I hope they do come round because it is tearing me up inside thinking that they might not be happy for me and they will think that I have disappointed them. I never wanted to do that

 

[Youngling]

Aww im sorry hun. My mum didnt react in the best of ways when i told her but now she loves her grandson more then anything. Im 21, I dont think im to young or am throwing my life away at all.
Ur old enough to make ur own decisions, u r an adult now. Bringing ur child into this world is the best thing u can ever do
xx

 

[EffyKat]

I'm sorry to hear that hun!
But on the other hand Congratulations and Welcome!

I'm Helen and I'm 19. My parents were very shocked at first but came around to the idea of Adam coming into the family . I hope they come around soon! x

 

[xx~Lor~xx]

Welcome and congratulations on your pregnancy!

I'm sorry to hear that your mum is reacting so badly to the news of your pregnancy. My mum was similar when I told her I was pregnant with my little girl (who is now a year old), I was 17 at the time, and all that she could say was how stupid I was being, how I needed to get the 'a' word, blah blah blah. I live with my partner, so I just left the house. It took some time for her to come around, and eventually she came around and now she adores her granddaughter! With this second pregnancy she reacted less extreme, but she hasn't once said congratulations. Just 'its your life'.

Its very down heartening when your mum reacts so badly.. but if you want your child, then you really have to push past your mums reaction. Its good you have your dad saying he will support you on whatever decision you make. Your mum will hopefully come around, mums generally do, its just shock at first. Give her some time

xoxox

 

[LJaydow]

Mum is working today so I think I will go round there at lunch time as Dad will be in and explain things to him. He might be disappointed but at least he will not shout and stuff at me like Mum is likely to. I want to be happy about this but so far I am struggling

 

[pinkribbon]

You're old enough to live your own life and make your own decisions so you need to do what makes YOU happy. If you make a decision based on other people's happiness and now your own, you're going to end up with regrets.

 

[LJaydow]

I know that I am, and this is what is making me sad.

I went round to talk to dad and told him that I could not find one reason to get rid of this child, and he just said he was so very disappointed, but again said that it was my decision and though he may not agree with it, he will always support me.

When mum come in from work, he told her my thoughts. I only knew this when I rang and he answered the phone and told me, and I heard her say something in the background and said that I should come over and talk about it. I was in the car and when I got there, I have a voicemail on my mobile saying that it was nearly 5pm and not for me to bother going round as they had gone for a walk and would catch up with me another time.

Still leaves me feeling uneasy like there is still unrest. I am trying to put it to the back of my mind, but I hate feeling like I am losing them

 

[Justagirlxx]

You wont loose them. They are your parents and they love you. They are just really shocked right now. My parents reacted pretty much the same way, and I am your age. They were just super worried about lack of money (and rightly so) Anyways fast forward 8 months and my mom wont stop talking about the baby, how excited she is, am I in labor yet, bought a ton of stuff for the baby for when he goes over her house, and pretty much is fighting with my MIL over who will get to babysit him when I go back to work. LOL. So basically my parents did a 180. They were super shocked, terrified even, and so was I back then. But things will get better hun I promise. Someday they wont even be able to imagine life without their grandchild and certainly will never admit to even mentioning abortion. (Selective amnesia lol) Good luck hun & keep your head up.

 

[SarahhhLouise]

That sounds like my mum hun, just the things she said, But my mum did come around, she even bought me a travel system, a few weeks later, but she still has her mood swings lol. what i would say is just ive her the time to come round, try not to mention it to her, your dad also seems like my dad, and sounds more supportive, speak to him if you need to hun. Once your mum has come round everything will get easier xx