Mum smoking

[indianorchi]

My mum smokes almost constantly. I thought she would stop smoking in the house when I told her I was pregnant but she hasn't and not only that but she smokes when giving me lifts to work etc in her car! It's really stressing me out and it's got to the point where I'm missing out on eating because she's smoking in the kitchen and yells at me when I ask her to leave. I've told her time after time that it's unacceptable but she just gets angry and we end up arguing. Anyone in a similar situation? It's really stressing me out and I hate having to sit in my bedroom all day!

 

[Mo_mo]

I had this problem with my mum.... I told her that the smoke was making me feel really sick. I kept doing this everytime she smoked and in the end she started to feel bad! Shes cut down alot now... shes on about 5 a day so hopefully she would have stopped completely by the time baby is here.
I also sometime blackmail her and say i wont let her hold or look after baby until she stops smoking!!

 

[trishk]

oh hun I know how you feel. My Mam and Dad are the same only thankfully i only visit them. How old are you? is there any way you could move out??? I know its not always easy but I think sometimes the older generation are set in there ways - my mam smoked when she was pregnant with all her kids so she doesnt think it does any harm - only me and you know differently. But i know my parents feel its their house and they will do what they like. although they do respect my house and dont smoke inside.

 

[indianorchi]

I'm 18 and have applied for a council house but could be waiting years. I only work Sundays and am about to start receiving income support, boyfriend got his first job on Monday and will only be working 20-30 hours a week so we can't afford our own place. Yeah she smoked whilst pregnant with my brother and I but with all this evidence that it's harmful I think she's being so selfish! I think she does feel guilty but she shows it in strange ways, like shouting at me and accusing me of things whenever I mention it...

 

[LongRoadAhead]

Im in the same position too, my mum smokes alot and everywhere, but you've got to see it from their point of veiw, they havnt got to let us stay in their house for our pregnancy, so really we cant ask them to stop doing something in their house
X

 

[indianorchi]

I know, and although I've never been a smoker I can understand how hard it must be for her to stop, she's been smoking since she was about 15 and is now 50! But when my friend brought her baby round my mum smoked in the garden, opened all the windows beforehand to air out the house and made sure none of my brother's friends were smoking so it seems unfair that she can do it for a friend's baby but not for her expectant daughter

 

[missjacey44]

I would just keep on telling her, She might listen in the end! Dont tell her to stop smoking all together just ask if she can do it in out in the garden or something. Its not fair on you and it certaintly isnt good when baby is actually here if you happen to still be living with her when baby arrives. I hope she stops for you..

 

[LongRoadAhead]

Hmm not sure what to say really. I personally think its a bit unfair to ask your mum to stop smoking, I wouldnt ask mine as shes being kind enough not to kick her 17 year old pregnant daughter out the door. Just try and stay away from the smoke if its bothering you that much hun
X

 

[Freya]

I've totally got sympathy for you chick, when I was living at home my mum smoked like a bloody chimney - the worse was in the car, long journeys and NO window open!!!! I think it was this that put me off smoking myself!!!! I must have stank!

I feel really strongly about people smoking around me when I'm pregnant and I thank god my OH doesn't smoke either. I must admit I made it very clear to my mum that when she wants to see bubs I don't want her to smoke around her!!! Wierdly she's accepted this and for the 1st time in her life she's trying to give up! On the NHS programme and everything!! I'm dead proud of her, coz I love her and I want her to be around to see her grandchild grow up!

Since it's not your house, it's definitely a tricky one for you. But she must see a compromise needs to be made? Breathing in the smoke is soooooo bad for you and bubs!!!! Could you ask her for some smoke free zones or times in the house? Like the kitchen and at meal times??

You have a right to be healthy no matter whose house it is. There are some great supported accommodation around where you get to live in a small flat within a complex with all the help and support you need. You have to get your name on the list and be 7 months pregnant when you move in, boyfriends can move in too and income support is welcome.

Good luck with it! xxx

 

[xarlenex]

I asked my mum if she could stick to some designated areas. In which she done her best to I must admit. She stuck to her bedroom, front/back door or rarely the kitchen. This meant I could always eat in the dining room, and sit in the living room. Maybe try approach her gently about the situation when you know shes in a good mood?

 

[indianorchi]

Thanks so much to everyone. I'll try and approach her next time she seems in a good mood and try and discuss it like adults. I wouldn't mind so much her smoking in the kitchen because it has big windows and the back door, as long as she was prepared to leave if I wanted to cook, or just be ok with trying to be quick and letting me know when she's done. It is hard because she's letting me live there without paying rent and she's been really supportive, I just want us both to be healthy!

 

[todteach]

that's a tough one. Good luck hun!

 

[LongRoadAhead]

Iv seen from your other post that your 31 weeks pregnant, so you've only got another 9 weeks to put up with it. Iv been around smoking all my life and Iv had no problems atall, people are around passive smoking all the time and are absolutley fine, Even mothers who smoke for the 9months of their pregnancy and go onto have a healthy baby, So id say you've got nothing to worry about, and try not to make it such an issue with your mum, That could end up being more of a problem.
X

 

[princess_bump]

i thing talking to your mum in an adult mature manner is an excellent idea. try to explain how you feel about it, and thank her as well for her support etc. hope it goes well

 

[indianorchi]

i guess i haven't got too long, i'll just have to make do and hope she goes in the garden when the baby arrives x

 

[LongRoadAhead]

Yeah, If not then you shouldnt really expect her to as its her house (hard i know as im in the same situation) But if it really does bother you then perhaps find a place to live where she wont be smoking all the time.
So many children grow up around smoking parent/grandparents and are absolutley fine X

 

[indianorchi]

I would've moved out a long time ago if there was anywhere to go. She smokes like a chimney and to make it even worse she's smoking these foreign cigarettes at the moment that stink like cigars lol it's disgusting. She smoked through pregnancy with my brother and I and has always smoked in the house and we're fine. I know it is her house and I should be grateful that she's not kicking me out but it will really upset me if she smokes around the baby. My boyfriend smokes too but he makes sure to sit hanging out the window and I know he would NEVER smoke in the same room as the baby.
Can anyone think of a nice and polite way to speak to my mum about it? x