My 2 and half year olds behaviour is upsetting me :(

Discussion in 'Toddler & Pre-School' started by LandN, Sep 7, 2010.

  1. LandN

    LandN Well-Known Member

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    I have a two and half year old daughter, shes always been active, and friendly, even as a baby, she would go to anyone even strangers, but today i picked her up from nursery and she didnt want to come home (she is like this everytime i pick her up, but she is also like this with my partner and my mum) today their was two other mums and their children came out fine and went straigt to the mums, but when my daughter came out she just cried that she didnt want to go, and started walking away from me and clinging on to another mums leg, this has really upset me and knocked my confidence in being a mum :cry: its not just me she is like this with, my mum had looked after her one night and she took her out for the day and lilly kept trying to hold strangers hands and go with them. I dont understand why she is like this, as she is very happy at home and only has tantrums when she cant get her own way (just like any other two year old) but this wanting to be with strangers rather than her own family behaviour is not just upsetting but embarrassing too, as i can see other mums looking in a bit of shock :cry: makes me panic in case they think im an awful mum and worry people will think she is getting treated badly at home.

    Can anyone help with some advice?

    Thanks.
     
  2. Twinminator

    Twinminator Twingirls2yrs+babygirl

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    Sorry I have no words of wisdom for you but just wanted to say how awful that must be, heartbreakingly so :nope:
    I hope it's just a short phase and that if not too big a deal is made of it that she'll soon simply tire of the drama and get back to normal.
    I really do feel for you, I don't know how I'd cope with that :hugs:
     
  3. LandN

    LandN Well-Known Member

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    Thanks for your kind words :hugs: im just wondering if this is normal, because its strange behaviour. I burst out in tears and had to pull over on the way back which during the time lilly was still screaming and crying wanting to go back to her nursery. Its knocked me today were as other days it hasnt affected me as much. I hope its just a phase and a phase that passes soon.
     
  4. lindblum

    lindblum 3 girls + 1 on the way

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    Hi, my dd is 2 and 9 months and she sometimes prefers others/other activities from me. I think it's just that she's having so much fun, and they always expect you to be ready and waiting for them when they're done with their latest fun thing.

    I'm sorry it's upsetting you, is it possible to get someone else to pick her up after nursery?

    Also, i don't know if this will work for you, it doesn't always work for me- when i see her and she is more interested in something else, i will say 'bye bye mummys going now', i don't try to take her away from it and walk off/dissapear from her view. 50% of the time she will run after looking for me.
     
  5. Twinminator

    Twinminator Twingirls2yrs+babygirl

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    Perhaps you could ask your gp, just to put your mind at rest, not that I'm suggesting there's anything more wrong than simply having a strong willed little girl going through a difficult phase. I think you'd know in your heart of hearts if it were anything more than that because there will have been signs from a very early age. I thought perhaps one of my twins had mildly autistic tendencies, she was so focused, never smiled and so aggressive if you tried to give her affection, but then a few months down the line she can give cuddles and giggle at me, but she still has a stand-offish character, she simply is a very driven and determined little thing.
    I hope you get some answers soon, whether from an outside expert on child behaviour, or from the fact that she suddenly stops behaving in this way :hugs:
     
  6. LandN

    LandN Well-Known Member

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    Thanks for your comment, tried the bye bye thing but she doesnt come after me and makes me have to go get her in the end, i think your right that shes having so much fun that she doesnt want me to take her away from it, im going to try make things a bit funner for after nursery for her to see if she improves then, i hope so. My mum could pick her up and she has done before, and she is the same with my mum too, shes very strong too so its difficult to carry her aswell, shes the same when my partner picks her up but gets over her tantrum quicker. Im going to see how things go. thank you again for your comments, make me feel much better.
     
  7. LandN

    LandN Well-Known Member

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    I did think about taking her to the gp as its been going on a long time, but she has had alot to deal with over past 5 months (i went into hospital for 3 weeks, she started nursery, broke up for summer holidays, started nursery again, went from staying with her nanna and grandad while i was ill to having her mummy back and going back home) she was always keen to be with others more before 5 months though just got worse after i fell ill. Like you, i thought she might have mild autistic tendencies from how she is other times too, and like how one of your twins is lilly is very driven and determined too, but im just going to wait till shes been at nursery for couple of weeks and try making after nursery time fun! rather than upsetting for us both. Thanks for your comments, really have helped :hugs:
     
  8. Tina_TTC2

    Tina_TTC2 Well-Known Member

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    I actually remember an article about this in one of my parenting magazines - If i remember correctly, it's that when they see you they see it as an "end" to all the fun they are having at preschool/nursery/nanas etc. If I remember correctly, one of the suggestions was to give them something fun to look forward to.

    A possible suggestions (and I am not an expert - I do have a 2.5 year old so I'd probably try this)

    maybe, in the evening, say something like this - "tomorrow after preschool/nursery, how about you and I do.." (something special) - just between you two. Maybe it's something as simple as playing with dolls, coloring, going to the park, baking cookies/brownies etc...

    My little girl would flip if we she thought we were going to make cookies. Then in the morning before you drop her off, remind her that after school you are going to go do xyz..

    when you go to pick her up, if she starts to act reluctant, remind her that you are going to go do xyz..

    it's going to HAVE to be something she thinks is FUN.. so i'd pick something - maybe a special thing you two get to do right after you pick her up, and maybe save it for only the time directly after pickup.

    A simple thing we do, is have a special 'car bear'. in the car there is a special teddy bear - she only gets it on car rides. so if she is reluctant to get in the car, we remind her that she gets to hold car bear and it helps.

    I don't know if it will work for sure -but it's worth a try?

    Good luck!!
     
  9. Pyrrhic

    Pyrrhic Well-Known Member

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    Niamh has done this a couple of times when she is having too much fun somewhere and doesn't want to come home. If she approaches a stranger I just smile and tell them they are the spitting image of my sister/mum/brother/cousin and my wee one is confused and that usually makes them laugh or smile back. :hugs:
     
  10. LandN

    LandN Well-Known Member

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    Thank you for your comment, i think i will try making cakes with her for after nursery! as she loves baking, i will try to see if she listens, it might work but sometimes i have said things and when she is going through the tantrum she ignores everything, i love the care bear idea, might have to try that one out too. Shes a very clever and confident girl, she likes to play mummy and shes very bosy bless her, so i think its all about testing me to see if she can get her own way.
     
  11. LandN

    LandN Well-Known Member

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    I like the idea of telling people they look like someone, that would be easier and not show my hurt so much. Hopefully its just a phase that some little ones go through. Thank you for your comment :hugs:
     
  12. Ratty

    Ratty Well-Known Member

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    You need to remind her of the fun thing before trying to remove here, therefore talking to her before she has her tantrum. By mentioning it the day before and in the morning, you will get the excitement up for the actual event.

    With my son I know I just have to say we are going to the park and he will drop whatever he is doing.

    We have found now that when we have guests around, he wants nothing to do with mommy or daddy. Won't even let me go on his trampoline with him, he will want a specific friend of ours and that poor friend has no choice (can't resist the blue eyes).

    While its heartbreaking that they would rather be with someone else, its also a really good thing that they are so independant and confident and they trust that we will be there when they need us. I'm sure when you daughter is not 100%, suddenly you will be all she wants.
     
  13. Abz1982

    Abz1982 Mum to 2 nutters!

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    I am dreading this as Emma already does this. If my mIL is about then Emma wont let me hold her, she will wriggle and scream and kick till she is down and will then run over to MIL for a cuddle.
    And if we are out we cannot let her walk on her own any more - holding her hand - as she will head off after people and if you try to stop her it is a tanrtum. We have tried the whole thing of saying does she not want to come see her bunny and reminding her off all the stuff we have ofhers like toys etc, but she is not iterested in the slightest.
    When I meet up with my friend and her wee one, Emma will go to her for a cuddle, not me.

    HOWEVER.........I recently had 12 days in a row off and spent that time with Emma obviously. It was jsut me and her most days and see when we went to go and do anything with anyone else. she REFUSED to leave my side. She would wander off for 2 mins then realise I wasnt there and it would be neuclear melt down until I came back.


    Last night I was thinking about it and I wonder if she is upset that I leave her each day to go to work? Ok she gives me a hug and a kiss and does ta tas, but she always seems to give me these "why did you leave me" eyes when I get home.
    But I know it is good that she is independant. So much so that MIL took her to her nursery place and she literally just gets in the door and that is it, Emma is off playing with the others. She loves contact.

    I just wish he loved cuddles with me more :(. I agree it does make you feel shit. Especially when like last night MIL explained how Emma can say "I love you"...and had been saying it all afternoon. We tried to get her to say it to me when I got home and she just glared at me. My heart was breaking and still is :(.
     
  14. Pyrrhic

    Pyrrhic Well-Known Member

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    Aw hun :hugs: Ignore your MIL, that sounds quite spiteful if you ask me. :nope:

    Have you tried putting reins on Emma when she's out? It's the only thing that works for Niamh as she is so independent and doesn't want to hold hands ever.
     
  15. Abz1982

    Abz1982 Mum to 2 nutters!

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    We got her one of those bag+rein combos. It didnt go to well as she was like "yay, I am free!!" Ran off and well...........I wasnt paying attention and she went splat. Now she gets really annoyed and tries to take it off. I think its maybe cos it rides up at the back - so think will need to get normal ones.

    Some days I wish I could just put her on rollerskates and pul her behind me. haha
     
  16. LandN

    LandN Well-Known Member

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    Lilly's not at nursery today so I've had lots of activities for her to do today to keep her busy and happy, and to let her know she can have fun when its just her and mummy too. It most be just some children when they get to a certain age. I feel much more reassured after all the comments though, sometimes you just need to get things of your chest, and i suppose with having children you will always have lots of highs and lows.
    Lets hope shes a bit better next week for coming home from nursery, going to remind her of baking cakes! :flower:
     
  17. LandN

    LandN Well-Known Member

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    Oh that must feel horrible :hugs: i know when my daughter got attached to my mum after i came out of hospital i really felt it, like emma lilly loves contact as well, i would have hated it if lilly had said love you to mil instead of me that would hurt alot. I suppose if we are always there for when they do need their mummy they will prob want us more in future, and at least if there confident now lets hope it pays off for them in future, and they can have the confidence to be something they want to be :flower:

    I'm hoping nursery goes ok next week when i pick her up, going to try making her look forward to making cakes afterwards. Then hopefully she will soon be running out of nursery happy and excited to go home too lol.
     

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