my 20 month old is pushing my buttons

[Babybear85]

Any advice on how to survive this next year or so lol. So I think we have hit the terrible twos. It's unfortunately coincided with moving house and so I am guessing that's giving hin a little fuel to try and test what he is or isn't allowed to do with it being a new environment too. The thing is he literally is so strong willed nothin seems to work. I just end up shouting at him all day long. I have a 5 month old who's sleeping badly I start my day at 5 when my toddler wants to get up and it just feels so overwhelming. It makes me so sad that I spend most of the day shouting at him I got so cross earlier that I literally picked hin up from the cot and shouted what do you want from me in his face. Iow awful is that. He doesn't just tantrum he makes himself sick I constantly walk around with hin clung to my leg demanding things or crying. I can't brush his teeth without literally pinning hin down and even then he clamps his mouth shut. He won't bath he stands in it and crys and screams. I just dont feel as though I like him much at all anymore I just dont enjoy anything we do because he's so extreme. I havnt tried the naughty step I dont think he would stay there I know some people use the cot for time out but it's so hard to get him to sleep I'm afraid to do that incase he then gets worried to be in it. I just dont know how to make him realise he is the child. I know he will tantrum etc but there's never a way for me to help him without me eventually shouting. He's always been a high needs child was a demanding baby. I dont want hin to hate me for always shouting

 

[Larkspur]

Wow, that all sounds very stressful.

I'd say it's no coincidence that his behaviour has deteriorated at the same time as moving house and having another child who'll be taking away time and attention, that's two MASSIVE changes for a toddler to cope with.

As hard as it can be with two small children, I would say maybe a way to approach it would be to try to establish a really strong daily routine to give him a lot of predictability and calmness. So he knows, "Okay, after breakfast in the morning we have playtime in the living room, then the baby has a nap so Mama and I have exploration time in the garden or read books, then it's lunch, then a nap, then we do errands or go to the playground or for a walk in the afternoon, then dinner, bath and bed." Just staying quite close to home for a while, giving him a chance to familiarise himself and allow him to choose some activities (eg. "Would you like to read books or go in the garden?") to give him some kind of control over his day.

For the bath, my LO got quite resistant to bathing for a while, we changed him back to a small tub and that seemed to fix it. I also do teeth cleaning as the first thing we do in the bath, with a really delicious baby toothpaste that he loves (he will get quite agitated if I forget, and will stand up in the bath pointing at the toothbrush cup and saying, "DEESE! DEESE! (Teeth, teeth!) quite urgently!

I won't have a go at you for the shouting as I'm sure you're already quite aware that it's a bad way to deal with things and doesn't solve anything anyway. If you can, try just taking deep breaths and saying, "I can hear you're very upset, but I can't help you until you calm down. I'm going to put you in your cot and wait here till you calm down." etc.

How's your OH with him? Can he give you a bit more of a break? It's a very trying period for the two ages, I imagine.

 

[Babybear85]

Thanks for the reply feelin much calmer today. We normally have such a great routine but with the move he also has thrown that off somewhat himself. He started to get up at 5am and then napping at 10 instead of twelve so it's been hard to keep it the same as he has various groups etc and we have quite a good routine going on normally so that's been tough. I havnt felt I can take hin to his groups etc because they would start just as he was getting tired. By some miracle he has woken up at normal time of 7 this morning so I am hoping that with naps back to normal we can get back on track he's looking tired now. I think the teeth is a tricky one I won't brush them in the bath because he is already screaming and is likely to fall what with being stood up. It's been a very stressful move nmy husband had no extra time ofd just his normal days so we had one day to move and most evenings and such he has been sorting the other house as it's rented so needed a lick of paint. I think we have all felt the stress. Luckily josh loves the new house and his new bedroom so I know he is settled maybe just excited so getting up early then normal tantrums escalating into worse ones due to tiredness and lack of daddy time he's very close to him and has been upset hes not seen hin much. Thankfully keys handed back now and I can live with a few unpacked boxes in the house in order for us all to have some time together. It's time like this that you realise you need family support but not helpful if you dont have it. Thanks for the reply. Trying to take things more on the chin accept that hes adjusting as am I and hopefully if I am calmer he will be too.