My angel baby, lost at 23 weeks 23/09/2011

[Hellylou]

Wow, reading all this...I have to say I totally agree with what you are all saying. I felt the exact same feeling that this baby wasn't going to happen. I honestly suppressed those thoughts as much as I could but I couldn't help it - I just couldn't see that in February we'd have a baby. I never felt like that with my first two. I just pushed these feelings away, but when everything went wrong in September there was a total inevitability about it. Wow. I thought it was just me.

I am so sorry for your loss...xxxx

 

[feeble]

mamas instinct knows best hey x

that was the biggest thing for me, i couldnt picture myself with another baby in January... it just never seemed real...

 

[Hellylou]

Yes! And I kept saying to my husband all my fears, and he actually said to me "it's like you're just waiting for it all to go wrong!", seriously. Everyone was moaning at me to stop being so negative and stay positive but I knew, I just KNEW! My instincts were spot on, and I so wished they weren't. In my first two pregnancies it never even crossed my mind that anything would go wrong, and it didn't. This last one...everything was wrong, right from the start. I have never really faced that, until now.

 

[feeble]

In my lowest points i think i 'made' it happen by not connecting with my baby, i think thats why its quite a hard thing to come to terms with, really we KNOW that we had a mothers instinct that not everything was okay, that the baby wasn't full of person if you know what i mean... to me it felt like the table was set but no one had come to dinner...

but in our darkest moments we think that we could somehow of caused it by not connecting... i dont think thats true though.

My spiritualist friend said to me that the spirits that spent time in our babies knew that they would never make it skinside and they just wanted to feel our unconditional love, so in some way we chose to allow that them as they chose to experience it... i think thats beautiful x

 

[Hellylou]

I'm very spiritual, and do reiki healing, and during my short labour I gave my little boy as much reiki as I could to help him on his way. It was not much, but it was the last and only gift I could give to him, as my body had let him down so badly. It was my only way of connecting with him. I had only just started feeling him kick when I lost him, and during the labour he was kicking til the very last moment. Those were our moments, I think. I connected with him and he connected back, and then he was gone. He's still with me, though, every day.

I knew in my heart that it wasn't going to happen, that he wasn't going to make it, but somehow it wasn't all for nothing. He's with me, just in a different way.

 

[kiki04]

Well here is a true testament of mothers instinct!!! I wrote this post on another forum I visit on May 17th!!!

but since day one I have felt like something was going to "happen"with this pg. I just feel so blessed to ahve 3 perfectly healthy children, no asthma, no allergies, no disabilities or diseases etc etc etc that its almost like I pushed it with 4. Like I will go in at my apt this week and there will be no HB or I go for my u/s and there will be something wrong, or I will go into labour prematurely and something will happen. Is this weird? I never felt this way with my other babies

Hadlee was born on May 26th.... 9 days later.

This still weirds me out to this day. I somehow just knew somewhere deep down inside.....

 

[Bride2b]

I think there is worrying (which we all do naturally) and then there is mothers instinct. I was the same from day one of my pregnancy, I was so scared to tell anyone in case something went wrong...thats why I never told my work colleagues. Maybe something in me knew I would never hold him with his heartbeating. I also could not quite visualise us having him in April, it just didnt seem like it was real.

x

 

[MummyToAmberx]

 

[tummymummy]

Im so sorry for your loss hun xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[mischaa]

totally agree with mothers instinct with my daughter sarah I was lay in the bath at 23wks an knew something was not right I lay there an begged my baby to hold on in there atleast a week longer and sure enought a week and 5 days later I went into labour and she died in my arms 30 mins later

 

[Eve]

So sorry for your loss