My body is betraying me

[orange-sox]

I've just sat on my bathroom floor and cried my eyes out again... my milk came in today and my heart hurts so much that I don't have my little boy here.

I feel like my heart has been broken into pieces so tiny they are like grains of sand... I know everyone will say "Well why the hell are you on the computer?", but I've got to do something, if I just sit and wallow I burst into tears, I can't concentrate on a book or tv, so I've been mindlessly staring at my computer, or posting pity parties like this.

I'm trying so hard to be strong for Seb but it's killing me to even breathe without him.

 

[masi]

You poor darling. I have no idea how you are feeling right now, and my heart breaks for you. We are all here for you xxx

 

[RobenR]

I understand your pain and am sorry that you have to go through it. I felt the same way when I miscarried my daughter and my milk came in. The next few days were so hard with that feeling and knowing that it was there to feed her but she was gone.

I am so sorry for your loss and for your pain.

 

[Shelby2007]

I understand why you are on here.. it's comforting.. or at least it is to me. While I dont have the slightest clue what you are going through (I mc at 9 weeks.. nothing compared to you!) - I am truly sorry.

You are welcome to pity party ANYTIME.. we are all here for you sweetie. I know Seb is also looking out for you. Grief is terrible thing to go through.. dont be afraid to cry when you need to.. scream when you feel like it.. and I know your heart will never be the same.. but hopefully the tiny pieces will start to get put back together.

 

[Serene123]

Emma I'm soooo sorry for your loss but we're all here for you, never forget that! No one will question you being here atall, like I said, we're all here for you!

 

[Chilli]

I feel for you and am doing the same thing myself while my boss is calling me and my husband is busy about the house and looking after my daughter I'm here in front of this sreen trying to mend my shattered heart. You are in my thoughts

 

[LeaArr]

 

[jen1604]

This must be so hard for you darling,Im not surprised you dont want to do anything except be on the computer.
If you want to speed up your milk going away,taking any medicine with decongestant in will help (although obviously check it wont clash with any pain medication youre taking)
Big kisses darling xxxxxxxxxx

 

[Las78]

Sending you hugs hun, so very sorry, I can't imagine how you must be feeling but you are in my thoughts x

 

[rachjim98]

I too have been on that floor and have turned to this computer for some kind of answers/comfort. So sorry that this has happened and if there were words or I could really reach through this box and hug you I so would. That (my milk coming in) was one of the hardest parts other then coming home from the hospital empty handed. CRY all you want. for you..

 

[v2007]

Aww im so sorry our bodies can be so cruel.

When my daughter was born asleep i was given a tablet to dry up my milk please call your GP and ask to get you a prescription to stop your milk flow. It works very quickly.



V xxxx

 

[princess_bump]

oh sweetie i am so so so sorry darling, i too can't imagine what you're going through but we are all here for support and to listen x x x

 

[Jkelmum]

My heart is breaking for you I wish there was somthing we could do to take your pain away

 

[Alexas Mommy]

 

[FEDup1981]

aww hun, i cant imagine what ur going through.

But ur welcome here anytime, no one will ever question why ur sat at ur computer. If it takes ur mind off it, or gives you the chance to talk to other people who understand, then its a good thing for u to be here.

 

[NickyT75]

Awwww babe

please dont think you are posting for pity you are in pain

losing your baby is the worst thing in the world & our bodies are so cruel for producing milk as a constant reminder of what we have lost

I remember the feeling only too well darling & my heart is breaking for you knowing you are having to go through it too

I wish there was something more I could say babe I really do

did the midwife tell you to wear a tight fitting bra? (even to sleep in) your boobs will be really sore at the moment but keeping them well supported will help the milk to dry up more quickly

im so so sorry xx

 

[Lisalovesbean]

Just want to give you a huge and tell you how sorry I am

 

[orange-sox]

god this hurts so much, i keep waking up in the middle of the night, turning over, and waiting for him to wriggle about to get comfy again, then i realise he's already gone and i burst into tears. I consistently wake up around 5ish after having terribly upsetting dreams about his birth, and how unreal it felt to me, like it was all happening to someone else.

I feel so hollow and empty, i can't begin to describe the pain i'm in. I feel really lost because i don't want to talk about it too much with my oh as we both deal with things in totally different ways and he's really struggling to keep going every day.

I just don't understand what i did wrong in my life, to make god punish me by taking my precious baby.

 

[holly81]

Oh sweetheart, the pain and emotions you're describing are all too familiar. Please try not to blame yourself, you didn't do anything to deserve this and it is not your fault. The human body is a horrible monster when it wants to be and mother nature can be a real b*tch. It's so unfair that anyone has to go through this but it really isn't your fault.

Losing a child is the worst thing anyone has to go through in life. If you don't feel you can talk to your OH too much, have you considered taking up the hospital's offer of talking to a professional? Personally I didn't cos I thought I could cope by myself and I'd "be ok", but six weeks on I'm still struggling and am really considering it. I know it might be too early for you to even consider this but a lot of women on here say it really helped them work through this earth-shattering time. It is like treading water for a long time, but as long as you keep your head up you'll get there.

I feel like everything I'm saying is so clumsy and I know nothing will make you feel better right now, but my thoughts and wishes are with you and your OH. If there was anything I could actually do to help you, I'd be there or reaching through this computer screen in a shot xxx

 

[Elli21]

Sending loads of hugs your way hun
No one will question you for being here hun xx