My boss asked me today if I am pregnant!

[MissMonty]

I've been having some issues at work and have been told today that I am being re-located to another team because I am the only person who was in the frame for being re-located who has not got any children. I've been TTC for 6 months now and feeling very sensitive about the issue. Anyway I told my boss that I think this is unfair and then he asked me straight out 'so are you and your husband TTC or planning to soon?' then he said 'your not going to tell me your pregnant now are you?' this has really upset me! Can't believe he said that - surely he can not ask these types of questions - now I'm wondering if he wants to get me out of his team because he thinks I'm going to get pregnant - if only it was that easy!

Just wanted to share this as tried talking with my DH earlier but he did not understand why I was upset and as we’ve not told anyone we’re TTC I thought some others here may understand or have some advice.

Thanks – I haven’t posted on here for a while – just been lurking

 

[Vickie]

That was very insensitive of your boss to say. It really is none of his business to ask you that question, and you are under no obligation to tell him if you are TTC or even pregnant early on.

 

[Tishimouse]

Do you have a boss who is above this man? If so, you should go to them and tell them exactly what has been said to you and that it upsets you.

He has absolutely NO right whatsover to say this to you and you would have grounds to take him to court should you be moved now against your will. Of course there would be the issue of proving what he has said. This is a very delicate issue and you will have to be careful how you deal with it. This type of person, once backed into a corner will no doubt be prepared to lie to cover up their mistake and avoid prosecution.

Trust me, he has no right and is in breach of your human rights. It might be worth your while seeking advice from a citizens advice bureau first.

I think it is terrible that in this day and age a boss has spoken to you this way. He is treading on very thin ice indeed. Actually, it is not just him who would get into trouble, but the whole company ... so speaking to a bigger boss would be ideal. The sooner the better as you should nip this one in the bud.

Best of luck and for the way they have made you feel.

 

[wishes]

i agree with the others... completely out of order. Go speak to someone above him.

 

[Carolina]

what a %&(*&()&$! is it a big company you work for? Its female racism if you ask me! Maybe if your moved though it would be good because you wouldnt have to work for him!! A lot of companies have an anonomous (sp) phone no. you can phone to complain about things like this! I used to get grief from a boss who i used to wrok for coz he wanted me to wear a dress or skirt all the time...i left the job but i wish id complained!

 

[StirCrazy]

Stupid guy shot himself in the foot - you could take things further if you wanted to. Definitely a form of discrimination.

 

[leeanne]

That certainly was a wrong thing to say! The nerve of him and, yes, definitely none of his business.

 

[faith_may]

Do you have a boss who is above this man? If so, you should go to them and tell them exactly what has been said to you and that it upsets you.

He has absolutely NO right whatsover to say this to you and you would have grounds to take him to court should you be moved now against your will. Of course there would be the issue of proving what he has said. This is a very delicate issue and you will have to be careful how you deal with it. This type of person, once backed into a corner will no doubt be prepared to lie to cover up their mistake and avoid prosecution.

Trust me, he has no right and is in breach of your human rights. It might be worth your while seeking advice from a citizens advice bureau first.

I think it is terrible that in this day and age a boss has spoken to you this way. He is treading on very thin ice indeed. Actually, it is not just him who would get into trouble, but the whole company ... so speaking to a bigger boss would be ideal. The sooner the better as you should nip this one in the bud.

Best of luck and for the way they have made you feel.

I totally agree

 

[loopylew]

it is discrimination hun, even if he was thinking it as a boss he should never had actually said it to you, i think its disgusting if he is allowed to get away with that, i would definately raise it with his manager (if he has one)

 

[keerthy]

I agree with others... this man has NO right to question abt ur personal life.......
talk to someone above..... don't leave him like that!!!!

 

[Chellebelle]

I agree too. It is totally wrong of him to ask you. You should take it further and make a note of exactly what he said, and if you have a Union rep, have a word with them. As Tish said, if you have a boss above him, have a word with him too.

 

[Sinead]

That is so out of order. It is blantant discrimination. I would definitely see Citizens Advice and see what your options are.

I am sorry your boss is so insensitive

 

[Tishimouse]

Just to add a quick note to the end of my initial response.

It is very important for you to realise that what he has said is AGAINST THE LAW. Stay strong when dealing with this as you are in a very strong position to keep your current job and not be moved and to file a complaint against him.

This is 2008, not 1978!!!!!!!

Just to educate yourself a bit further on this matter, try looking up womens rights in the workplace and see what you find about maternity etc. It's very interesting. He could loose his job for what he has said to you.

 

[SJK]

Hi, definately descrimation, bullying and harrasment, that he thinks he can make you move to another team on the grounds of pregnancy. If I was you, keep a diary of dates and times of everything that is said by who, and if you have any witnesses that maybe heard this. Maybe if you want to talk to someone in confidence, try ringing labour relations and ask them. Otherwise go to your personnel office, good luck and DONT MOVE TEAMS because of him.

 

[Franjipan]

Hi MissMonty I'm new on here but just read your post. Can't believe it!! That is a really stupid thing to say to someone, and like the others said he had abosolutely no right to ask you. Especially in his position, Thats really discriminatory and you could get him in BIG trouble for it.
Ive been trying to conceive with my hubby for the last several months and it really annoys me the amount of people that start to ask you if you are going to start trying or thinking of babies once youve been together for a bit, so I know EXACTLY how you feel. Its a really touchy subject for me. I even went off crying at xmas time cos someone asked me at a big family get together why didint we have any kids and by now they would have popped out six or seven kids (NIce, really sensitive!!!). So am feeling for you, but he was in the wrong and so you have every right to feel upset. Stupid Moron boss!!!
xx

 

[xclairex]

out of order he should not have said that men some men are so in sensitive

 

[Lazy Leo]

Hi, I think most of the comments here are absolutely right. Your boss has been at best insensitive to you and at worst could have broken the law. I hope I don't get shot down in flames for this, but I always get myself into problems because I try to see all sides of a disagreement - it upsets people sometimes. But whether he has handled it right or not he does have a difficult job relocating people when none of them want to go. To be honest if it was my team and one said but I don't want to take the kids out of school and the other team member didn't have kids I think I would be inclined to tend towards the member of staff who didn't have kids. I think the fact that he has asked if you are thinking of having a family shows that he is aware that things might be difficult for you as well. But he still had no right to ask and I would be extremely irritated if I was on the end of that question.

I don't think he has handled it at all well. And it may well be that he has said or done other things as well in which case get everything on paper and complain very loudly indeed. But on the basis of this alone, is he really guilty of anything other than total insensitivity? And I've seen insensitvity from everyone from friends, family and colleagues both male & female.

 

[MissMonty]

Hi everyone - thanks for your thoughts on this - I've been thinking about it all day and couldn't sleep last night.

Nic - I understand what you are saying - my boss often speaks without thinking and has upset others in my team in the past. I'm cross and upset as when the whole re-location process started he told me from the beginning that it would most likely be me as I have no children. At that time I made contact with ACAS and they advised that if my company’s re-location policy and procedure states that care issues will be taken into consideration that basically the company has covered themselves. I have started to question whether he was offering the chance for me to talk to him about it but if he was I really think he should have approached the subject differently but as others have said it really has nothing to do with work and I still think he should not have said this to me.

At the end of my meeting with my boss yesterday I made several demands which he told me he would look into by the end of the week (things like annual leave I have requested that he hasn’t signed off yet, a pay rise that I am entitled too and the possibility of keeping another vacancy open for me which is due to be advertised in September and is closer to home). I’m going take the advice of writing down dates of what has happened and has been said and also wait until I receive the confirmation letter regarding the re-location to see what they have stated as the reason for my re-location. I’m going to think about it again over the weekend, and I might talk to him next week before making a grievance complaint.

I’m trying to stay positive now as I test in 6 days time – I really hope we get a positive result this month – it’s really unfortunate that this issue at work has happened whilst we are TTC as it makes me wonder if I am blowing the situation out of proportion because I’m very sensitive about the issue.

Thanks again everyone I’m going try and chill out this evening and enjoy valentines night with my DH.

 

[SJK]

Hi, MM, keep the chin up and dont be getting stressed over work, its only a job and really not worth it!!

 

[charliebear]

I really feel for u.
I agree with all and would take it further as it was out of line to ask. The only time i would advise telling your employer your TTC or early pregnancy is when you job could put you and your baby to be at risk.

I moved jobs in Jan and beforehand I decided to tell my employer that me and OH were going to TTC in Jan.
This ensured that my employer could place me in a suitable team and location due to working with people with learning difficulties and mobility problems.

My employers only state (policies and procedures)that it would be helpful to know of pregnancy asap to ensure the health and wellbeing of mother and baby.

Good luck.