my boy is struggling with school

[isil]

My little boy started school in September. He's a summer birthday and although he'd been to preschool he seems to be struggling more than most. At the 'reading night' the teacher said he was having some difficulties, that you could tell he was one of the youngest and that his responses were really random sometimes (not her exact words). Basically, you'll ask him a question and some of the time he'll give the correct answer, some of the time he'll give the incorrect answer (to the same question) and some of the time he'll just say something completely random. Like 'how many dinosaurs?' 'pizza!'

He has an amazing imagination, has a crazy obsession with dinosaurs and is a really happy little boy generally. We saw another teacher when we were out and she said 'he's always got a smile on his face!' and he is just lovely.

He has been refusing to do things at school though, got in trouble on Thursday (not sure what happened exactly) and has been so exhausted. He was ill last week and this week again (different things). He just doesn't seem to be progressing like even his peers are. I speak to a few of the other mums who have boys of a similar age and they all seem to be picking things up more than my boy is.

He had speech therapy when he was younger although he didn't 'qualify' for another set of sessions (the SLT said he didn't respond to the structure the first time around ). I have noticed that he isn't anywhere near as clear as other children his age though. I feel like he's getting less clear, not more clear as he gets older

They're flying through the phonics and although he can remember all the actions and quite a lot of the time he can pick out the symbol, he has zero interest in writing it. And he doesn't seem to be able to recognise sight words very well. It's so random, he can recognise 'kipper' but he doesn't understand 'the' at all. I'm saying 'that words is 'the'' and he says 'v? f?' and I say 'like 'THE chair'' and he says 'chair?'.

Sorry, I'm really rambling. Is there anyone else who feels like their LO is struggling? Do you think he's just going at his own pace, and he'll catch up?

 

[RachA]

Have you had a good sit down to talk with his teacher?

My son is an August birthday and he struggled the whole Reception year, although he did make good progress generally.

One main thing i would say is totally ignore what the other parents are saying about their children. For a long while i would hear parents saying things like 'x has gone onto level 3 reading books already' and Daniel was on level 0. I felt as if he was so far behind. He was also really struggling with his letters - both reading and writing. Now though he is on par with his peers and in some aspects ahead of some of them who are several months older than him.

The writing thing will come a lot later then the reading - i remember Daniel knew a lot of his letters to read but had no clue how to write them. Then once he was starting to put letters together to make words the writing suddenly took off.

Unless you are given specific homework/reading then i wouldn't get him to do things at home - i'm assuming he's only been at school for about 4 weeks, and it is a huge thing. He's just settling in and it will take a while. Making him read etc at home is going to put him under undue stress. Take him lead - if he's interested and wants to read then read but if you ask him and he doesn't want to don't push him.

I remember going to parents evening last Nov - Daniel had only actually been full time for 1 week at this point. He basically knew to read 5 letters and didn't really write any of them. Fast forward to parents evening in June and he knew all of his letters to read and write and was doing really well with writing some small words.


Sorry - hope that wasn't too rambling lol

 

[isil]

Thank you Rach, I was actually hoping you'd reply because I knew Daniel had struggled a bit too!

He's given LOADS of homework. Part of it we don't do because it's writing and I don't feel like he's ready for it. I don't want to force him! I try to tempt him obviously but he's just not interested. The sight words, 2 reading books a week and doing the actions for his phonics regularly is always homework. He's meant to write the phonemes too but that's the bit we don't do.

I really needed to hear that he is likely to catch up, thank you! I can't really talk to the teacher, she's not too approachable. He does have 2 teachers though, the 2nd is on maternity at the moment and she's just doing one day a week. After half term she'll do 2 1/2 days and the other teacher will do 2 1/2. I'd rather talk to her so might wait til after half term and see if he's still having trouble, or talk to her on the day she's in maybe.

 

[RachA]

All Daniel got for homework when he first started was his reading book and a few words of the week. So your lo seems to get more.

IRO his book, are they expecting him read two whole books a week? With Daniel, even now we do this, we would read 1 or 2 pages a night. He wouldn't always want to though so we wouldn't push it. We were told that he was expected to read every evening except Thursday (they kept all the classes reading records overnight on a thurs in order to read through them). Daniel wouldn't ever do this so we would try and read on a Mon, Wed and one day over the weekend. His teachers were happy with this. When he started getting 'proper' homework after Christmas (like little projects that we had to help with) we never read with him the days that we were doing the homework.

The words of the week we would ask him what they were. If he didn't know the word we would ask him what the letters were and then tell him what the word was.

One thing the school said about doing was matching pairs with 2 letter words like in, at, as, or, go. You could have a go at that for his sight words as he might find it fun.

If you feel more comfortable speaking to the other teacher then i'd wait - Daniel also had two teachers and 1 always preferred to speak to one rather than the other.

If you want to ask anything else etc then feel free to PM or post and i'll be happy to try and help.

 

[hel_5]

Wow Lucy is nearly one year older and has only just started school, her homework is only a few letters and colouring so far, shes knackered come Friday and the school have said only spend 15 mins on homework and if the child is getting upset don't do it.

Honestly she would have struggled if she had started last year, do remember that some of the kids will be 11 months older so would naturally be able to do more, just go slowly with it, the teachers have to be able to support the younger kids more

But I will say that I'm an august baby, I was always the youngest in my year and although I needed extra help with spelling when I was in primary school (as did my best friend who was a July baby) I did get it all and it didn't hold me back, what I'm trying to say is he may struggle a bit now but by the time it gets to anything important he will be flying it

Oh and for what it's worth it sounds like they are getting far far too much homework xx

 

[isil]

thanks both They do just seem to expect them to do a lot of different stuff.

Interestingly, I asked boy if he wanted to write in his phonics book tonight and he's written s, a, t, p, i, n, d, k and r. There's only e, u, o, g and m that he didn't want to do. Decided I'm going to make him matching pairs for his sight words as well as I think he finds just looking at them a bit boring!

 

[RachA]

It sounds like he's doing well. It seemed to take Daniel a long long time before he got that far with his phonics. It will come together all of a sudden.

 

[JASMAK]

I wouldnt worry, tbh. Keep reading to him. Learning should be fun. They all learn differently and at theor own pace. Keep it stress free and fun...he will come along.

 

[sabby52]

Wow thats a lot of work for a 4 year old, Dec has been in year one for a month now and he only got his first homework last week which was to just decorate his name, he doesnt have a reading book yet and he isnt expected to write anything either, in his first homework they had to learn where their name came from but the parents where asked to write if for them. I know they are learning letters and such in school, but nowhere near as much as your LO.

Tbh it sounds like he is doing just fine for his age, Dec is 5 in 3 weeks time and it is only recently he has taken a big interest in letters and writing, although he would take notions now and again to write a little, he always preferred to do something else. xx

 

[isil]

Thank you all I do feel more reassured by your responses. I think it's more that I doubt myself and think I've damaged him...then he turns around and does something wonderful, and wonderfully him (which is most important to me!) and I realise that what other people's children are doing at school, or even what the teachers expect them to do, doesn't really matter.

 

[Midnight_Fairy]

Math is also an august baby and due to his asd he is mentally younger anyway. He was fine in year R but he was not at the same level as his peers, year 1 was kind of the same and by year 2 he suddenly picked up what he was meant to be doing and now he is at the level he should be working at xx It takes time. Hugs S xx