My Dr wants me to wait until baby cries to feed him...

[LittleLala]

Hi everyone.
My newborn is 3 weeks old today.
He was put onto formula straight away at the hospital to flush out his jaundice. From the beginning I was hand expressing, and then pumping too to try and bring my milk in faster. I was in the hospital for a while and my milk never came in.
I saw two different lactation consultants who both said that baby is latching properly.

I am taking domperidone and fenugreek and pumping between feeds. I also drink over 3litres of water every day. I only ever get about 25mls when I pump

Anyway, I have tried to EBF as suggested by my dr, but my baby never slept- he would stay awake for 5 hours or more at a time. He didn't cry, but would fuss and grunt and root the whole time. I reaaaallly worried about his complete lack of sleep- So I ended up topping him up with formula again. Sometimes he will drink only 20mls, sometimes he will drink the whole 100mls. He is ravenous for it each time.

I took him to the dr last night. He has gained 600grams in two weeks and my dr has said that it's too much, and that I should try just breast feeding again. I would LOVE to satisfy my son with just my milk, but he NEVER falls off the breast, and is always hungry afterwards.

My doctor has said that rooting is normal, and to ignore it. He has told me I need to wait until my baby cries to feed him, and that staying awake for 5 hours is fine if he isn't crying.

I tried it last night and I feel so guilty. He can't settle, he was awake all night. ALL NIGHT. My poor baby needs to sleep, and eventually at 7.30am today I gave in and gave him some formula after his feed until he seemed settled, and now he is finally getting some sleep.

Does anyone have any advice? Is what my gp said correct, should I really ignore the signs of hunger and not feed him until he cries? What do I do about him not being able to sleep??

Sorry for such a long post, I just feel so guilty and horrible and want the best for my little man.

Hopefully someone has some input

 

[staralfur]

The rooting is very normal and 3 weeks is prime time for clusterfeeding, meaning they basically do feed around the clock. He's trying to bring your supply in/get it up to what he needs. I would ditch the formula and let your LO feed directly whenever he needs to. It's very common and natural for babies to fall asleep at the breast so if you continue breastfeeding whenever he's wanting to suck, he should at some point fall asleep while nursing.

 

[LittleLala]

Thank you for replying
Up until now I have always been putting him on the breast when he is rooting- I always leave him on the breast for a long time too before offering formula, but my gp said I was doing it for way too long and that from now on, not to put him on the breast until he cries, and to stop after 1 hour and pull him off (he never falls off the breast and I think this is because he doesn't get what he needs and is still hungry) and ignore his rooting and other hunger signs until he cries again.
So that's what I did last night! and my poor baby was awake all night and so was I because I was crying feeling so guilty about it.

 

[staralfur]

Leave him on as long as he wants it. Doing anything other than feeding on demand this early on has the potential to affect your supply (and I had doctors tell me to top up with formula when it was not at all necessary so I understand that there's confusion among doctors when it comes to breastfeeding!).

Babies don't seem satisfied when they're clusterfeeding. It's stressful. But as long as he's having enough wet/dirty diapers, you can be assured he's getting what he needs.

 

[Septie]

I am BF my third baby, who is now a month old. My first essentially fed 24/7 for a long time - and he gained a lot of weight on breastmilk. My second was much easier to BF, as he BF for 20-30 mins, then napped for a while, at least as a newborn (maybe this is the kind of baby you were expecting). This one is spending many nights mostly on the breast as well. Shortly after I put him down he asks for more. I feed on demand when rooting, hearing grunt noises. This one gained 1 lb between week 1 and 2 - ped said it was great! They feed to stimulate your supply and to comfort, so if you want to BF, be prepared to be chained to your bed for a bit to increase your supply - as its prob on the low side atm due to supplementing. Do you get milk out after he feeds for 30 mins say? I always do after BF even for a loooong time, but usually only get 4-5 oz max pumping (later on, once my supply is established, I get much less via the pump...but my babies still always got all they needed!).
I am sorry that I ccan't compare to bottlefeeding, but your babies BF sounds normal to me. I would give it a try to feed without topping up, being on the lookout for wet and soiled diapers, lethargy, lack of weight gain or dehydration just in case (can you get a weigh in every few days?)

 

[LittleLala]

I don't mind having him on me 24/7 if I need to, that's ok. It just goes completely against what the dr said to do. I am going to not listen to him... I felt so horrible last night, ignoring Albie's hunger signs at the dr's recommendations.

 

[bdb84]

What your doctor is recommending goes against every innate mothering instinct that I have. Considering that you are nursing (and wanting to nurse exclusively) it is MORE than normal for your baby to be on you 24/7 at this age. The purpose of cluster feeding is to increase your supply to adequately meet your baby's needs. Waiting until your LO is already crying to feed him means you have waited too long and it will be even more difficult to get him to settle.

 

[LittleLala]

That's exactly what I had read previously... When I was crying last night, I told my DH that, and he said that I should believe the dr over believing what I read on the internet.
I have a midwife visiting on Monday and I will ask her, but I think I might try and get another dr appointment for a second opinion before then. I do love my gp but I just don't feel as though what he said in this instance is correct.

 

[gingmg]

You are right. Waiting until your baby is crying to feed is waiting too long. Feed your baby when you believe he is hungry. Even if he wants to comfort nurse, that's OK too. I agree with ditching the formula too. Your baby is trying to increase your supply. If you keep topping off you end up in a cycle you will have a hard time getting out of because your body will not be making enough. If your baby is peeing and pooping ok- he is getting enough milk. Trust your instincts. Most doctors don't understand all the ins and outs of breastfeeding. I switched doctors because of bad breastfeeding advice. Kellymom.com is a good site for trustworthy breastfeeing information. There are also plenty of experienced breast feeders here too. I promise it will get easier.

 

[Indi Ocean]

That's exactly what I had read previously... When I was crying last night, I told my DH that, and he said that I should believe the dr over believing what I read on the internet.
I have a midwife visiting on Monday and I will ask her, but I think I might try and get another dr appointment for a second opinion before then. I do love my gp but I just don't feel as though what he said in this instance is correct.

Hi hun, I have been wondering how you've been getting on so I tracked down your latest post!!

This is the hardest time and you feel like you need to get all the professional advice you can but I think in this instance, you know what's best!

I would go with your gut and top him up when he needs it. From a breastfeeding point of view though, that will definitely alter your supply. You just need to decide what would make you feel more comfortable; Albie to be well fed but your breastmilk affected...or Albie unsatisfied but your breastmilk will start catching up. It's a very tricky decision but you need to do what makes YOU happy because in turn, that's what will be best for Albie.

Also, Isla gained a lot of weight one week, and then not much the next. Albie doesn't sound overweight or unhealthy I wouldn't be worrying too much about that.

Good luck, don't stress too much they are like little sponges; taking everything in. I have no uncertainty that you will make the best choice for both of you...& believe in your instincts! xo

 

[JumpingIn]

Ignore your doctor. Baby is building up your supply which is exactly what you want. Don't worry about his sleep... My baby is 3 months old and has never slept properly (up all night and all day with tiny cat naps). I was terrified too but he is developing normally. ..

 

[MindUtopia]

Like everyone else has said, ignore your doctor. In fact, if it was me, I would be finding a new doctor because that one doesn't know what he's talking about. The fact your baby is putting on plenty of weight is amazing and a great sign that way you were doing is exactly the right thing. My daughter struggled with weight gain when she was born because she couldn't latch properly and took a month to regain her birth weight. She also rarely showed signs of hunger and we had to wake her to feed her every 3 hours just to help her keep putting weight on. It sounds like when you trust your instincts, everything is working out just right, so keep it up. Like everyone else has said, crying is a very late hunger sign, which means a baby should have been fed earlier. I would ignore anything your doctor says and see a BF counselor instead. They'll be able to give you the best advice about feeding if you plan to continue to BF. But sounds like you're already doing a good job already.

 

[bdb84]

Just wondering how you're doing, Mama?

 

[LittleLala]

Just wondering how you're doing, Mama?

We are okay.
I am still pretty lost with what to do. I haven't let him wait until he cries to be fed though.
I keep him on the breast for over an hour each feed, but as soon as I put him down he starts signalling that he is hungry (fast breathing, rooting, shaking head, smacking his lips) and then will cry... So I end up topping up with formula. Sometimes he drinks 20mls, sometimes he drinks 100mls.
He is having about 1-2 feeds a day that don't need supplemented.

I really don't want to be overfeeding him, but obviously I don't want him to go hungry. I've been putting him on my breast each time he wants to feed, and keep him on there for long periods of time but he is so rarely satisfied.
I also never experience what people talk about being a "let down". I have no idea what I'm supposed to be feeling because I don't feel anything.

Poor little guy is struggling with bad gas too, and was up so much of last night in pain.

I have a midwife coming today and will ask her for advice. I feel like a failure

 

[Indi Ocean]

Just wondering how you're doing, Mama?

We are okay.
I am still pretty lost with what to do. I haven't let him wait until he cries to be fed though.
I keep him on the breast for over an hour each feed, but as soon as I put him down he starts signalling that he is hungry (fast breathing, rooting, shaking head, smacking his lips) and then will cry... So I end up topping up with formula. Sometimes he drinks 20mls, sometimes he drinks 100mls.
He is having about 1-2 feeds a day that don't need supplemented.

I really don't want to be overfeeding him, but obviously I don't want him to go hungry. I've been putting him on my breast each time he wants to feed, and keep him on there for long periods of time but he is so rarely satisfied.
I also never experience what people talk about being a "let down". I have no idea what I'm supposed to be feeling because I don't feel anything.

Poor little guy is struggling with bad gas too, and was up so much of last night in pain.

I have a midwife coming today and will ask her for advice. I feel like a failure

You are doing great, don't be so hard on yourself!

Remember he is trying to adjust to the outside world, he isn't going to be content after every feed. Also his little tummy is still developing so the gas thing is all very normal. Tummy massages, warm baths, keeping him elevated after feeds can all help.

Most of the time, breastfeeding takes 2-3months (and often longer) to really catch up to babies demands. I wondered the same about the let down for ages and then eventually it happened. Can't quite remember when it did happen...but it will happen!

It is such a huge change for him being out of his safe little womb that he grew so accustomed to. It's a hard time because you can't really make him content in the way you want him to be, it just takes time. In the mean time you just keep doing what you're doing...making a safe, calm, nurturing environment for him.

Also you are still trying to understand him. Soon you will work out that maybe some of his ques that look like hunger might actually be tiredness, wanting comfort etc. But atm even he can't differentiate between those feelings so it is all quite confusing. The lack of sleep certainly doesn't help either!

If you were over feeding him, his body would reject it at that age & he would throw it back up. You're doing all the right things, even though it might not feel like it. You just don't get immediate results when they're that young but his tummy & feeding will all sort themselves out in due course. Well done hun, you're doing great xxx

 

[LittleLala]

Thank you so much x

 

[gingmg]

You are doing great! I think its totally normal to question everything we do- we just love them so much and just want to be doing all the right things for them. Trust yourself. You know your baby best. Sounds like you are doing all the right things.

 

[AP]

How did you get on with the midwife today? x

 

[Countrygirl13]

Re the overfeeding worries...
One of the 'i won't do that again' promises i made to myself after my early experiences with our first LO is 'i will not worry about overfeeding my next baby'. She was FF pretty much from birth and i was sooo worried about making her overweight. We were given a recommendation of the amount of milk she should take at each feed and given a maths formula to do based on her weight to adjust her milk up as she gained weight. From the start she always wanted more than the recommended amount. I used to cry with her when her feed ended and she was looking for more. Yet the midwives that visited us in the early days kept on saying that she was on the right amount, she was gaining weight fast and that ff babies are at risk of obesity. I feel so angry with myself for not trusting my instincts. As soon as i gained a bit more confidence we fed her what she wanted and she was happier, we were happier. I now have a one year old between the 91st and 98th centile. She is not rolling in fat and is a lovely healthy little girl.
If baby has drunk too much, she will throw it back up as a previous poster has said. If she is hungry, feed her. As much for as long as she wants. I hope you get over this bump in the road soon xxx

 

[LittleLala]

Thank you for your advice on the over feeding.
The midwife said he is gaining weight well. When I asked her if it was too much, she said no and not to listen to what my gp said, and that she is happy he is gaining weight.

She recommended that I give him 2 feeds with just formula, and build up a supply of expressed milk (which isn't much tbh) so that then at the next feed, I can put him on the breast and the top him up with the larger amount of expressed milk (and then formula if necessary). Then to express IMMEDIATELY after his feed and only 10mins per breast (I've been expressing for about 40 minutes because I thought that would be best, but I was wrong and she said all it would be doing is exhausting me). She wants me to keep his feeds under an hour - people keep saying this but no one really has an answer when I ask HOW- he is a slow eater and hard to burp but has gassy colic so reaaaaally needs good and frequent burping, so his feeds take ages...
But she wants me to feed him and after the hour stop... she wants me to make sure I wait for 2 hours between feeds and to do anything I can to make him wait, go for walks etc. I am starting that today and I am really nervous. If he is still hungry I don't know what I will do, I will feel so guilty and anxious.

She also wants me to go back on my anxiety and depression medication that I was on prior to pregnancy.

She also recommended that I use a dummy and has said that he is a sucky baby. That made me feel better. Is really has helped calm him for when I put him to sleep. She has said not to listen to the other midwives and nurses who say not to use dummies, and that he just needs to soothe himself with sucking. She said that dummies are only really a problem if you use them to replace a feed which obviously won't be my problem haha.

I will let you all know how I go. Hopefully he will need less and less formula soon. Or will just seem satisfied... And hopefully I can just relax about it all. Worst case scenario that could ever eventuate is that he ends up completely formula fed, and I need to remind myself that that's okay. That all that matters is that he is fed and loved. I just need to try and relax about everything a little more. I'm just so anxious and I just want to do the best for my baby.

I think I need to listen to professionals a little less and listen to my instincts a little bit more. Having each person contradict each other just makes it more confusing.

Thanks so much everyone. I will let you all know how my day goes with the new plan.