Quite a while ago, I asked my Mom to be here at my homebirth. She's positive about birth, and I figured she'd be a good support for my husband (he's scared that me or Dinky are going to die, and that he won't be a good enough support, bless him, so having someone else there means there's less pressure on him). The assumption was made (by us all) that my Dad would need to be here too, since my Mom can't drive and they live 40 miles away, so we (DH, me and Mom) planned my Dad chilling out in my husband's bedroom upstairs, where there's a computer with internet and a tv/dvd (and an xbox if my Dad wanted to try and figure that out!), a bed if he wants to rest, etc. I might quite like him around during the early bit of labour, he's a nice calming presence, but I won't want him there when things get heavy, and certainly not whilst I'm pushing. I haven't really spoken to Dad about our expectations, though I think I've mentioned him being able to chill upstairs. I was also hoping he'd take the dogs out for a walk every few hours or so, to keep them calm.
Then my sister sort of invited herself along to the birth too (when my Mom mentioned she was coming, Sister basically said, "Me too!"), and I can't really say no since I do want her to be there straight afterwards to meet Dinky, but I have warned her if I don't feel like having her there on the day she'll be upstairs with Dad.
I was warning Mom the other day that since I have no idea how I'll feel on the day, if having the house full of people (we're in a tiny period property) is interfering with my labouring then they'll be told to leave, so maybe they ought to have a plan (like going to the pub, going for a walk locally, etc). Today she said she'd mentioned this to Dad and then when I said I'd need to talk to him about the game plan for labour she said to be careful to emphasise that we were wanting him there, as she's worried he's "feeling used", though she then said he's been up and down like a yo-yo recently so that might be it (lots of stuff going on in his side of the family, a death in 09, redundancy, etc). Mom apparently tried to explain that women can have very strong emotions in labour, and it's impossible to know beforehand how I'll feel about anything including their presence, but I don't think he is likely to have understood.
I feel like telling the lot of them to bugger off and that I'll be fine with just DH and MW, but I do think having Mom there will be a positive thing probably. And I really want Dad and Sister there to meet Dinky asap. And extra hands to make tea for the MW (and snacks for us all!) will be helpful lol. DH says they're being daft and that we should tell them if they can't get with the programme and accept that this is about supporting me and their first grandchild in his entry into the world, they can just not come. I think that's a little harsh, but I'm not sure what to say or how. Does anyone have any advice? I was thinking of sending the three of them an email basically emphasising how much I love them all and what I need from them and why. Good idea? Bad idea?
Then my sister sort of invited herself along to the birth too (when my Mom mentioned she was coming, Sister basically said, "Me too!"), and I can't really say no since I do want her to be there straight afterwards to meet Dinky, but I have warned her if I don't feel like having her there on the day she'll be upstairs with Dad.
I was warning Mom the other day that since I have no idea how I'll feel on the day, if having the house full of people (we're in a tiny period property) is interfering with my labouring then they'll be told to leave, so maybe they ought to have a plan (like going to the pub, going for a walk locally, etc). Today she said she'd mentioned this to Dad and then when I said I'd need to talk to him about the game plan for labour she said to be careful to emphasise that we were wanting him there, as she's worried he's "feeling used", though she then said he's been up and down like a yo-yo recently so that might be it (lots of stuff going on in his side of the family, a death in 09, redundancy, etc). Mom apparently tried to explain that women can have very strong emotions in labour, and it's impossible to know beforehand how I'll feel about anything including their presence, but I don't think he is likely to have understood.
I feel like telling the lot of them to bugger off and that I'll be fine with just DH and MW, but I do think having Mom there will be a positive thing probably. And I really want Dad and Sister there to meet Dinky asap. And extra hands to make tea for the MW (and snacks for us all!) will be helpful lol. DH says they're being daft and that we should tell them if they can't get with the programme and accept that this is about supporting me and their first grandchild in his entry into the world, they can just not come. I think that's a little harsh, but I'm not sure what to say or how. Does anyone have any advice? I was thinking of sending the three of them an email basically emphasising how much I love them all and what I need from them and why. Good idea? Bad idea?
