My family hates our fav name-- what do you all think?

[zumbaloverr]

When we first found out we were expecting, we had suuuch an easy time with boys names and couldn't come up with ANY girls name however that's changed a ton.

We are 100% certain that if it's a girl, her name will be Amelia Claire... our issue is with a name for a boy (we find out sex a week from Tuesday-- I'm 19 weeks right now).

So we threw a bunch of names back and fourth but didn't LOVE any of them and then while out at dinner one night, my OH suggested a name that I loved instantly. The name is Kadeem and we'd give him a middle name of either James, Michael, or Matthew.

For my OH, the name has meaning because three years ago, his friend (Kadeem) killed himself and of course, that was really tragic and my OH felt it would be a nice way to honor him. Aside from that, I really like the name because (1) it's unique (2) it has a meaning for my OH and (3) it was something we both heard an instantly though YES that's the name we love. We have a really simple last name and I felt it just flowed really nicely... just everything about it clicked for both of us instantly.

BUT THEN!!! We had an issue-- my entire family freaked about the name. My OH is black, I am white. Everyone in my family that I've told the name too has said something along the lines of that I'm trying to "prove something" by giving my baby a "black name".

My name was considered a "black name" at the time I was born (my name is Jade and I don't know many adults with the name) and my grandparents HATED it and said all sorts of racist things about it however no one ever treated me differently because of my name and I actually got a lot of compliments growing up... I brought this up to my mother and she said "yes but I knew your name wouldn't make your life harder-- if you name your baby Kadeem, his life will be harder".

That upset me (because I'm pregnant and hormonal!) and also seemed like a silly comment to me... Kadeem being his name is really going to make his life soo hard?

But it got me to thinking... are people going to judge my baby if we name him Kadeem? Does it matter? Is the name really all that horrible sounding?

So I thought I'd get the advice of the ladies from the forum... what do you think??

Boys name: Kadeem-- yay or nah?

Which middle name do you like the most:
James
Michael
Matthew

 

[Varenne]

Ignore idiotic racism, even if it comes from family members. It's not a "black name", it's your baby's name, and frankly, your baby will likely have darker skin, so it's about time they accepted that and stopped saying a "black name" would be a bad thing! It's unbelievable really in this day and age. Besides, if I was absolutely pushed to stereotype the name I'd have guessed Asian, so just goes to show how subjective it is.

I think it's a wonderful way to honour your partner's friend and a fab name. If it feels right to you, that's what matters. No, to people without irrational prejudice the name doesn't have any negative connotations as far as I'm aware. It sounds fine, "normal" but unique.

Matthew is my favourite middle name.

 

[Mangoes]

I hate to break it to your family, but Kadeem is not a Black name - it's Arabic and it's a beautiful name. My DH and I are both Black and Muslim and even before we conceived we got some flack for wanting our children to have "weird" names, but this is our child and until they push him/her out and care for them, I do not care.

 

[amytrisha]

I'd go with Kadeem Michael.

I'd ignore your family, their comments are horrible. This isn't their baby its yours therefore you choose the name.

 

[zumbaloverr]

I never even thought to look into the meaning of the name... I just loved how it sounded and the fact that it meant something to my hubby.

After reading that it was an Arabic name, that got me pretty excited so I googled the meaning and found out that it means "Servant/One Who Serves" which I think fits for multiple reasons-- we're religious and my children will be servants to God AND my husband has an Arabic name as well. His name is Ameer and it means prince-- my in-laws picked the less common Arabic spelling of his name (it's more commonly Amir) because his father is Muslim. Giving our baby an Arabic names appears to me not only to be a way to honor OH's former friend but also my FIL and his faith.

I really love it now I only wish I'd come here before talking to my idiot family members. Thank you so much ladies.

 

[Balloo]

I think it's a lovely name and such a lovely meaning behind it. Even better now that you know the meaning. And how wonderful that you can honour so much in your choice of sons name. If it's the name you hear and both said "yes, that's it, that's the one" then go for it!

 

[Sarah lo]

It's none of their business. Don't be bullied by your family over the name you want to give your LO. With my first baby I cared far too much what our families thought of our name choices and have regretted it ever since. This time we're keeping them quiet till after the baby has been named.

 

[Tigerlily01]

Love the name. And it works with any of the middle names you have chosen.

 

[JJKCB]

I have a 'Black' name despite being the whites person ever lol... everyone assumes its polish though because its a place name in Poland but its actually apparently one of the top 10 Sudanese girls names, i am as far as I know the only white girl with the name but I love it

just ignore them

 

[xjesx]

it seems like its going to make your child's life difficult only when at family reunions.

How do they feel about you being a biracial couple?

I like Kadeem.

I love other variations like Kaden and Kade.

My vote is screw the fam jam.

 

[Butterball Ma]

Kadeem is a great name. It sounds very regal to me, also. Any of the middle names would sound good, I like James the best, though.

I think you have your answer

 

[Eleanor ace]

Wow, what is wrong with your family! Firstly Kadeem is a lovely name. It's not like you want to name him Sparkle or something, and even if you did, that's your choice. Secondly, what's wrong with it being a "black" name- he is half black! And thirdly your mum should realise how annoying it is to hear this criticism of your chosen name, since she went through the exact same criticisms from her parents!

 

[Lashes85]

Wow, how exactly are you proving a point by calling him (supposedly) a black name? When the baby is going to be half black!!
I totally agree with the other ladies. This baby is yours and your partners, so there for you both name him. Kadeem is a lovely name. And as long as you both love it, nobody else matters.


I have the same problem. Every name I suggest my family hate. And saying horrible things about it to put me off. Which they have no right to do!! Its my baby and I'll name her whatever I like. I don't know if its just me, but I just wouldn't dream of telling someone how horrible their name choice is. I'd respectfully say "its not my choice, but its a nice name". Xx

 

[mamaduke]

Having a son who is named after a friend who passed, I'm rooting for "Kadeem" and the personal connection you guys have to it!

As for the middle names, I like all 3 with Kadeem.

 

[Paperhearts]

Pros:
You love the name
Your DH loves the name
It has strong meaning for your DH
It's roots would honor your FIL
You also like the meaning

Cons:
Your family doesn't like it

I definitely say use it. It's almost like it was chosen for your baby

 

[Emily2630]

We purposely didn't tell anyone the name until DD was born so there wasn't much they could say. I suggest you just not talk about it with them and choose what you like.

 

[dizzy65]

i personally love the name and the middle name i would choose would be michael

 

[HBGirl]

I have never heard such nonsense in my life! Your baby is mixed race and you are honouring a part of his heritage. Something to prove? *scoff*

 

[whittnie117]

Omgosh. You're family is completely wrong for doing this to you. Ignorant and completely racist comments. Ugh. Like PP said, your baby will be of mixed race and heritage. Honoring that is not having 'something to prove' it's HONORING a memory, a person, a faith, your partner's family.

This is the way I see it. YOU are the one that will be looking into the little face of your child every day. YOU are the one raising him (or her). YOU are the parent. YOU get to choose the name. Who cares what any one else things of your name choice. If it has meaning to you, your partner and to his family and YOU love it. Go with it.

I chose William Alexander for my baby and my mom HATES William because she knew someone named William growing up and she said there weren't many bad times with him, just too many memories. Anyhow, William is my OH's real first name and all the men in his family are named William (even his brother). Most go by their middle names in practice though. So we chose Alexander because OH loved it. I kind of gave him the reigns on this one and I actually like the nicknames of both names. So if we decide to go with either name, I'll have my pick of nickname (Personally I love Xander). My point is, I went with this name because it meant a lot to my OH. My mom can hold her tongue. She won't even call the baby by his name because she hates it that much. She keeps trying to get me to name the baby Liam

Just ignore your family and go with your heart. Good luck hun!

Also, I like Matthew with Kadeem.

 

[Lashes85]

Omgosh. You're family is completely wrong for doing this to you. Ignorant and completely racist comments. Ugh. Like PP said, your baby will be of mixed race and heritage. Honoring that is not having 'something to prove' it's HONORING a memory, a person, a faith, your partner's family.

This is the way I see it. YOU are the one that will be looking into the little face of your child every day. YOU are the one raising him (or her). YOU are the parent. YOU get to choose the name. Who cares what any one else things of your name choice. If it has meaning to you, your partner and to his family and YOU love it. Go with it.

I chose William Alexander for my baby and my mom HATES William because she knew someone named William growing up and she said there weren't many bad times with him, just too many memories. Anyhow, William is my OH's real first name and all the men in his family are named William (even his brother). Most go by their middle names in practice though. So we chose Alexander because OH loved it. I kind of gave him the reigns on this one and I actually like the nicknames of both names. So if we decide to go with either name, I'll have my pick of nickname (Personally I love Xander). My point is, I went with this name because it meant a lot to my OH. My mom can hold her tongue. She won't even call the baby by his name because she hates it that much. She keeps trying to get me to name the baby Liam

Just ignore your family and go with your heart. Good luck hun!

Also, I like Matthew with Kadeem.

I couldn't have put it better.
As far as you mom not liking the name you've chosen for your little boy, my mother was the same. While pregnant with my youngest son, she kept throwing names 'she' liked!! When we told her of our choice (Vinnie) she really put it down. She'd say it reminded her of certain people ect. I stuck to my guns though. Anyway the other week while throwing girls names at me and not liking any of my choices, I reminded her that she did the same last time. She admitted that although she didn't like the name then, once he was born and now at 2 years old, she couldn't imagine him as anything else. She loves the name. Im sure your mom will be the same
Or you could do what did and tell her maybe she should consider having another baby ;-) lol xx