My first chid, his second. Not as involved with this baby?

[jaxjenny]

When I found out I was pregnant I was over the moon. My boyfriend was less than ecstatic. This is his second child and my first. With his first baby he tells me things like how he never missed a single appointment, how he got weekly updates on his phone about the growth of the baby. I'm in my 2nd trimester and he hardly mentions the baby, doesn't come to appointments, and has no clue what stage the baby is in. It hurts my feelings so badly and I am terrified this unfairness and indifference will carry over to when the baby is actually born. Anyone have similar experiences? How did you handle it and how did it turn out?

 

[ajlj1126]

I had a similar experience with my first, which was my husband's second. He had a "bee-there-done-that" attitude and rolled his eyes at me anytime I was concerned about something or worried or excited. I just stopped involving him altogether. I didn't tell him when I had appointments, just went, and even had an ultrasound without him. He was mad at me for that and said that he wanted to see the baby, and I told him because he was disinterested I wasn't going to bother him with it any more. He turned right around. I think he realized that I COULD and WOULD do the whole damn thing without him and he got scared. My DH is the type to get too "comfortable" in his 'head-of-the-household' role and he thinks that I'll stick by no matter what he puts me through, so when I treat him like he's disposable, he tends to straighten out a little!

 

[londonangel]

Honestly? I think once it's your second, there's just a degree of 'been there, done that' as harsh as that sounds. It doesn't mean he doesn't want it but I can kind of relate to him. Last time round I was always reading the pregnancy book, checking what stage of development baby was at, etc. This time I figure I pretty much know anyway plus I have Little Miss to look after so have less time.

I really wouldn't read too much into it. It's always more exciting and more of a miracle the first time round I think.

 

[supersherwolf]

I had a similar experience with my first, which was my husband's second. He had a "bee-there-done-that" attitude and rolled his eyes at me anytime I was concerned about something or worried or excited. I just stopped involving him altogether. I didn't tell him when I had appointments, just went, and even had an ultrasound without him. He was mad at me for that and said that he wanted to see the baby, and I told him because he was disinterested I wasn't going to bother him with it any more. He turned right around. I think he realized that I COULD and WOULD do the whole damn thing without him and he got scared. My DH is the type to get too "comfortable" in his 'head-of-the-household' role and he thinks that I'll stick by no matter what he puts me through, so when I treat him like he's disposable, he tends to straighten out a little!

This right here is great advice. Listen to this.

 

[ajlj1126]

I had a similar experience with my first, which was my husband's second. He had a "bee-there-done-that" attitude and rolled his eyes at me anytime I was concerned about something or worried or excited. I just stopped involving him altogether. I didn't tell him when I had appointments, just went, and even had an ultrasound without him. He was mad at me for that and said that he wanted to see the baby, and I told him because he was disinterested I wasn't going to bother him with it any more. He turned right around. I think he realized that I COULD and WOULD do the whole damn thing without him and he got scared. My DH is the type to get too "comfortable" in his 'head-of-the-household' role and he thinks that I'll stick by no matter what he puts me through, so when I treat him like he's disposable, he tends to straighten out a little!

This right here is great advice. Listen to this.

Why thank you! The best was when I changed his ringtone on my phone to "Irreplaceable" by Beyonce. He was like "OKAY I get the message!"

 

[mandaa1220]

I had a similar experience with my first, which was my husband's second. He had a "bee-there-done-that" attitude and rolled his eyes at me anytime I was concerned about something or worried or excited. I just stopped involving him altogether. I didn't tell him when I had appointments, just went, and even had an ultrasound without him. He was mad at me for that and said that he wanted to see the baby, and I told him because he was disinterested I wasn't going to bother him with it any more. He turned right around. I think he realized that I COULD and WOULD do the whole damn thing without him and he got scared. My DH is the type to get too "comfortable" in his 'head-of-the-household' role and he thinks that I'll stick by no matter what he puts me through, so when I treat him like he's disposable, he tends to straighten out a little!

This right here is great advice. Listen to this.

Why thank you! The best was when I changed his ringtone on my phone to "Irreplaceable" by Beyonce. He was like "OKAY I get the message!"

I LOVE IT!!!

 

[FlatShoes]

I hate to say it but I'm feeling a bit like that this time round - nothing seems as exciting I was really worried and felt bad but I've spoken to loads of people and they said that once the baby gets here its just as good as the first time! I think in general men find it hard to get involved until the baby arrives! My OH wasnt even that exited first time round until my daughter was born!

 

[tamina800]

My husbands been the same way this time. The last time he came wih me to the doctor was at 9 weeks. I'm 22 weeks now. He doesn't ask about the baby much, hasn't even asked to see or feel her move. I was a bit bothered by it earlier but strangely don't mind as much anymore. I know he'll be a good father on e she is here. Also, with me quitting my job, he has additional pressure of providing for the whole family. Ideally I would like him to be very excited , but I'm not going to upset myself because of him.
To be honest, when I was pregnant with my son, I used to talk to him, sing to him etc. With this baby, I have hardly done that. Just so busy with a toddler that I simply don't have energy. I guess things are different the second time around.

 

[jaxjenny]

Thank you so much ladies

 

[jadza]

I feel exactly the same way. I'm 22 weeks. His son is only 3.

 

[Claire788]

I had a similar experience with my first, which was my husband's second. He had a "bee-there-done-that" attitude and rolled his eyes at me anytime I was concerned about something or worried or excited. I just stopped involving him altogether. I didn't tell him when I had appointments, just went, and even had an ultrasound without him. He was mad at me for that and said that he wanted to see the baby, and I told him because he was disinterested I wasn't going to bother him with it any more. He turned right around. I think he realized that I COULD and WOULD do the whole damn thing without him and he got scared. My DH is the type to get too "comfortable" in his 'head-of-the-household' role and he thinks that I'll stick by no matter what he puts me through, so when I treat him like he's disposable, he tends to straighten out a little!

Hurahh! Love this!!! You go Girl!!

 

[pinkcatgirl]

My husband doesn't seem so excited this time, he never comments about my bump and it makes me feel a bit upset... But then some days I forget I'm pregnant as busy with my toddler! Last time I read my pregnancy book cover to cover and I just haven't had time!

I hope you still can enjoy it, first time round is very special.