My First Post - Looking for m/c support

[bbforme]

This is my first post here. I'm found this forum in search of some online support / guidence / hope. I'm sitting here at home, typing this and crying my eyes out. I just got home from spending my entire morning at the hospital, confirming I have indeed, miscarried. It's heart-breaking news, and my prayers go out to all of you who have gone though this.

My DH and I have been married 9-years and we have a lovely daughter who'll be turning 8-years old this year. DH is 39 and I have just turned 36. We have been TTC 2-months, which I have been charting.

Please, tell me - how do you cope with loss? DH and I can't even look at one another w/o crying. It's just so sad....DH says he wants to start trying again, as soon as my body is able but honeslty, as much as I want this, I am so scared of going through this again!

I just feel so uncertain at the moment. I don't know what I'm looking for here, but I just feel like I need to get it out.

Please tell me this will get better soon.

 

[Niamh22]

Oh im so sorry its heart breaking we are al hear to support 1 another the pain gets easier but so many things can set off again. i had my 2nd mc nearly 2 wks ago tried straight away waiting to c if it worked. i have a 20 month old daughter. i try to cope with thinking that it was before 12 wks and that the cells hadnt formed right rather than thinking of a baby many times i fail with this thinking. im so sorry u are going through this x

 

[bbforme]

Thank you, Niamh22. I didn't want to write it, but I feel the same way - telling myself over and over again that it would be much worse, had I been further along. At least my body m/c naturally and that I didn't have to have surgical intervention, etc...

My midwife told me to wait 3-months before DH and I TTC again. That seems like an awfully long time. Is that the norm? When can one safely TTC after a m/c?

 

[bluejoyx]

I am so sorry for what you are going through! It is a very sad and upsetting time, you need to give yourself time to come to terms with what has happened. My prayers and best wishes go to you and your family x

 

[Niamh22]

i think its up u when to try. i was encouraged to ttc straight away mainly as on scan showed that i was going to obvulate. there is time to grieve but i also want to try for sticky bean. many women on here ttc straight away some wait for af. its up to u how u feel bout x

 

[bbforme]

Thank you. I feel better in knowing I can try before 3-mths - heart willing.

 

[fides]

I am so sorry for your loss.

 

[spellfairy]

Hi like you i felt helpless i cried and cried i couldnt see the hospital staff for crying they kept me in over night was awful loosing my wee boy. Like you i have a 9 year old and got pregnant very quickly after 9 years.

When i lost him i was devasted. the moment i knew he was gone all i wanted to do was go home a make another i dunno why i felt like this... it changed then i didnt for a few days then since then all i long for is to be pregnant. I lost my baby 33 days ago and iam awaiting my af or bfp it will never bring him back but it will help heal me a little and give him a bro or sis to watch over.

 

[Xpecta]

Hi bb. I'm so so sorry for your loss. There are no words to explain how heart breaking it is, but at least you don't have to with us. We're all going through it. However, there are many many women who get pregnant again right away! Before AF even. Plus, they have very successful pregnancies. I hope very much that you are able to move through life with as little pain as possible! Your child will never be forgotten, and if you believe, you will see them again one day. They love you very very much! You're stronger than you think, and I can say that cause it turns out I'm stronger than I thought! I just KNEW that I would fall apart and life wouldn't be worth living anymore. But I'm actually doing fine I'm a very emotional person with past depression, so if I can be okay, I know you can too!

We're all here for you no matter what! No matter what you need! Even if its just to complain about how your eye brows are un even!

I wish you the best of luck and send you many smiles and loves!

 

[xSamanthax]

Aww hun i'm so sorry for your loss, we all know how you feel. Whenever you need to scream or shout we are here for you

 

[HollieQ]

I'm so sorry for your loss I do believe it's one of the most painful things to go through, and there is so much unfairness, questionning and unreasoning that goes with it. There is nothing else like that 'empty' feeling you feel .

You will know when you are ready, I've not been ready till now, 9 months after my mc, other are ready as early as a week. I got a huge sense of calmness and just felt 100% ready and happy in my heart and head.

After my mc I'll be honest, it was a bit of a rollercoaster. But the pain does pass. I held my friends baby for the first time the other day - the baby that was due the same time as my baby was, at that moment I was asked if I would be her godmother, well I just melted, I was so happy, not jealous for the first time, or sad for myself, actually 100% happy - that took a while to come, but it will xxxxxxx

 

[spellfairy]

aw hollie that was soo lovely of your friend xxx in fact i cried.

 

[msdecember]

so sorry for your loss. this is a wonderful place for support so you've come to the right place. it really helped me when i was going through my loss. blessings for strength your way.

 

[Eternal]

im so sorry for your loss.

As for TTC, whenever your ready, for some of us thats right away and for others it takes awhile. there is no right or wrong. just do what you feel you can deal with.

Look after yourself, make sure you have plenty of support and know we are always here if you need to cry, rant or talk

 

[kaths101]

Hi, Im posting to give you a bit of hope. I had a missed mc in June last year, it was a devestating time - something i never imagined would happen, my boyfriend and I had our world turned upside down. I had to have medical management which was the worst day of my life. We TTC again after about 3 months not because that was what was recommended but that was how long it took us to emotionally try again. I think really you only need 1 period and then you can start trying if you feel you want to.

Anyway my happy news - I am now nearly 14 weeks pregnant and so far so good, we conceived 6 months after our mc. The worry will never go away, I worry everyday and still check every few hours for bleeding.. once someone has gone through what we have you will never thoroughly enjoy your next pregnancy but it DOES get easier . .it is so so worrying but there is light at the end of the tunnel and you just have to think that one day we will have our baby.

Stay strong and try again when you are both ready and the odds are that everything will be just fine

 

[LiSa2010]

hi bb, i am so sorry for your loss. i know exactly what you're going through. I had a chemical pg (sperm/egg meet but don't implant) last Oct and it would have been mine and my husband's first child and we were so happy but it wasn't to be. the first week we cried w/o saying a word, we just knew what we were feeling. it took us a while and Im still actually getting over it. we dealt with the loss by talking about it and trying to get pg again. my pg wasn't planned as we were not trying not preventing...so when i got my we were so over the moon. you will find your own way of healing. talking about it helps. this is a great place, i love it. what also helped me was to journal everything i was going through, wether is was good, bad, ugly, sad, happy, whatever, i wrote it down...I so understand how you feel about going through this again. I've had 3 mcs and everytime it's the same feelings but each time I get stronger because I know that we will have a child. I have a daughter, she was my 1st pg, and she means the world to us, she is not biologically my husband's daughter but he's a great father to her. he's been raising her since she was 7yrs old.

stay positive and strong and it will get better...

lots of hugs your way

 

[Spoomie]

HI bbforme

I'm so sorry for you. As posted earlier in the thread, the wonderful thing about this forum is that everyone knows exactly how you feel. We all know the huge empty pain you feel where your baby should be right now. We understand on the days when you can't stop crying, on the days you feel angry and on the days when you can't even see a light at the end of the tunnel because your pain is so immense. I can't say how we get through it, we just do because there's nothing else TO do and the pain slowly becomes less raw, just like a bereavement. Last Thursday morning I had a particularly difficult time at playgroup with pregnant women and babies in abundance and I came home and posted on this forum and the support was amazing. For me, I was positively OCD about TTC immediately and that helped with my grief, but if you can't face it straight away, then that's also fine.

Sorry this is so rambling, hope it helps x

 

[debzie]

so sorry for your loss. I had a mmc in november last year, thought I was coping well until I got my first period and it brought it all back again. I really wanted to try straight away so we are taking the ntnp route. I too tell myself that it was just a collection of cells not real babies. I still have bump envy though at least 10 for my friends are pregnant! Take care bb it does get better. x x x

 

[cowboys angel]

I'm sooo sorry to hear of your loss.

Good luck whatever you decide to do!