My friend has an eating disorder

[caggimedicine]

Oh my god it's so hard.

I love my friend so much and have watched her gradually get worse over the past 6 months (mentally) - she's gone from knowing that she's too thin, but not able to get over the hurdle of putting weight on... to then thinking that maybe she's not too bad... and now she's saying that she thinks she actually looks slightly tubby and doesn't need to go to her appointment (she has an appointment with a psychiatrist on 15th). When she said this today, I broke down This was a BIG mistake. I just want her to get better, and I was so happy to hear she finally got this appointment (the GP referred her 3 months ago, so she's been waiting all this time). The clinic cancelled the appointment once before, and so i've been waiting for this next appointment for so long... and now it's getting closer, today she said she doesn't think she needs to go. I couldn't believe it. I've managed to convince her to go (I think my crying did that), but because I broke down, I don't think she's going to talk to me anymore about it all because she said she feels really guilty now for putting all of this on me etc etc.

I'd be interested in hearing from others who've supported a friend/family member through something like this, and also from those who have, or have had eating disorders and what they found to be the most helpful/supportive things friends/family did for them.

 

[Feltzy]

I had an eating disorder before I had my kids. I think its frustrating for family and friends because unfortunately (in my case anyway) no matter how much someone told me I was too thin and needed to sort myself out I didn't listen, its a really hard thing to beat. I think your friend needs to want to get help, iykwim? I saw a psychiatrist when I was younger and it helped a bit, although by that time I'd admitted to my family that I had a problem and I wanted the help.

My eating disorder seemed to get worse when I was unhappy, so I'd have times when I was fine, then something would happen and it would come back. Sorry I couldn't be more help, just be there for her to talk to x

 

[lovehearts]

Hi,I'm sorry to hear that ur friend has an eating disorder. My sister is a recovering anorexic. It was so tough watching her go through it but as much as we tried to help she didn't see how I'll she was. It was only when she decided to help herself that she started to recover. I don't think you can ever really force them to go in to recovery unless they decide themselves. She started to recover quite early on but it was forced and she relapsed. I don't know what made her do it in the end but she's now considered a healthy weight even though she is still very slim. It's unfortunatly something that never really goes. I was there for her to talk to and for her to vent at me. I made it seem like I had sided with her and not my parents so I think she found it easier to talk to me. It's the hardest thing in the world to watch. My sisters moods were awful and there would be times where she would scream at me but I just had to be there for her. I really hope your friend sees her illness soon and has a quick recovery xx

 

[caggimedicine]

Thank you so much for your replies, they're really helpful.

My friend's family have a history of eating disorders - her mum and sister have both suffered with anorexia and now she is. She's also having problems in her marriage which she thinks is contributing/causing her eating disorder. She's like two people - the sane one, and the one with the eating disorder. The sane one will say that she knows she's got a problem and needs to sort it out etc etc, and then the one with the eating disorder occasionally pops in and she starts saying that she's starting to think she's not all that bad after all etc etc. I feel like i'm desperately trying to remind her about the sane one and bring her back (iykwim?)

She says that she feels as though she can talk to me and be completely honest, and says she doesn't have anyone else that she can be like that with - i'm glad she feels like this about me, but after my little crying episode yesterday, i'm now worried that she's going to stop talking to me as much for fear of upsetting me (she's always on some sort of guilt trip bless her!) I've explained that i'm just concerned about her, and that I love the fact she can talk to me and want her to carry on doing so and not worry about it - hopefully she will.

 

[tasha41]

It's really difficult, because no matter how much your friends etc tell you that you are beautiful and just fine, you feel like they are just trying to be nice to you?

And as much as you do want to get better, you still don't want to gain weight and "get fat".

It is a LONG road to recovery and relapses are so, so common... so your friend has to really make the commitment to getting better with a lot of support

 

[Groovychick]

I have suffered from an eating disorder and from experience know that I was difficult to handle at times! For me, the best thing was support. Being able to talk to someone even if they didn't have an eating disorder themselves enabled me to get rid of some of weight I was carrying on my shoulders. In terms of your friend, I would strongly encourage her to attend the appointment. The longer she goes without professional help, the worse she is likely to get and longer it will take her to recover.