My Heart is Breaking Chunk by Chunk!

[ItsMyTyme]

This morning I woke up sick and my sore nipples are gone... All I want to do is cry! I just know and have a feeling that I am not pregnant and its breaking my heart piece by piece... and they aren't little pieces they are huge chunks. Being TTC for so long has taken a toll on my marriage to where my OH feels like I am going to leave him just because I haven't gotten pregnant.

I have been up since 5a.m. and been crying for the past hour and a half. I have prayed to God numerous times, I am so desperate I have mentioned several times I would sell my soul just to have one child! I feel so depressed and lonely. I don't feel myself and i don't want to be around any of my friends or family (everyone is either pregnant or has kids) I've never even had a positive pregnancy test and i turn 26 this year and I'm wondering if it will ever happen!

My anxiety is through the roof and has been driving me crazy I'm moody (which could be ALL the meds I'm on but I am not sure) but I don't know if I can take it anymore. I know it will all be worth it in the end but when will that be or will it ever happen. I'm sorry if this got you all down but I was thinking this morning that I have a week until I start and nothing seems different from the last cycle. 5 years is a long time for TTC and after knowing my OH and being with him for 10 years and never using protection it makes me wonder, will it ever happen?

 

[ItsMyTyme]

I really just needed to vent!!

 

[Needababynow]

I really just needed to vent!!

Yeap, I had the venting post yesterday! Keep your head up - you are not out yet! I am starting acupuncture to help with the relaxation because I have been so tense and going mad over ttc - have you tried anything to not be so stressed about it?

 

[ItsMyTyme]

No i have a history of anxiety and depression (not related to ttc but ttc definitely brings it out as well) usually i am on meds but i took myself off of them when we started seeing a doctor. i never thought of acupuncture though. but im not too thrilled about the small needles in the skin thing. lol

 

[eternaldream]

Try to keep your head up, I know its hard sometimes but your stronger than you think.

 

[No Doubt]

No i have a history of anxiety and depression (not related to ttc but ttc definitely brings it out as well) usually i am on meds but i took myself off of them when we started seeing a doctor. i never thought of acupuncture though. but im not too thrilled about the small needles in the skin thing. lol

I was diagnosed with OCD so I completely understand the whole anxiety thing. In fact, I just had a huge breakdown the beginning of this cycle...I mean to the point where my hubby wouldn't let me go to work, so I understand how hard it is and the uncontrollable crying and feeling like it will never happen. As hard as it is I do think you should try to relax in some way. I'm not the firmest believer in stress getting in the way of pregnancy, but it's possible that it could help. But you should still try for yourself now, and your marriage. I thought about the acupuncture, but I felt like you with all the needles...lol, I hate needles. Maybe you could try getting massages, no needles and still a good relaxation technique. Have you thought about meditation or even a low impact/low energy workout like yoga? I keep telling myself I'm going to start preggo yoga to get my body into shape for pregnancy, but I hear a lot of women say that even right after a workout, they feel so much better, less tense, and more relaxed. Are you taking any fertility meds, or have you and the hubby been tested? I'm just assuming you have.

Trust me it does get better. This cycle I decided to not live my life day by day, test stick by test stick, appt by appt. I had to get back to me and doing what I love and what makes me happy. Doesn't mean I have given up, just means I've given it to God, cause the truth is as much control as we want to have over this situation, we really only have very little. Try getting back into some things you used to do before ttc took over. I've found myself distracted by life and therefore not focusing all the time on ttc. It's definately brought my stress level down, just in the past three weeks, and me and dh have been doing a lot more talking and gotten much closer.