My hormones!

[Kte]

I'm guessing it's because my hormones are all over the place more than anything but I'm just having another off day and need to vent. I don't think I am as far gone as PND I guess it's just mild baby blues. I know I have it good compared to so many and I should be greatful. I'm just tired and worn out and that's when things get on top of me.

I'm feeling like a crap Mum, heck a crap person sometimes. I struggle to entertain my 3yrl old like I did and it breaks my heart when she is feeling it. I know we both need to adjust but it's so hard in the mean time. I feel like I am telling her off all the time or correcting her and I never had to before, well not as much.

I hate that I can't give my baby 100% all the time as well, I feel like I am failing her. I'm sure she isn't missing what she doesn't know but it's hard to let that go in my head. I hate my reflection in her eyes sometimes, I know that's not normal, I know she doesn't care what I look like but I feel sorry that she has to look at me and that she would rather look at other people. I feel like I bore her, I chat rubbish to her, take her to a rhyme place so we can sing and play together but I'm worried I'm not entertaining her as much as she needs - she is very alert for her age.

I'm stuck doing my dissertation, it's due in on Friday and I am so close yet so far from completion. It's taken me a whole day to not even come up with a paragraph. I could write for England on here, do my dissertation and nothing! If it's something I NEED to do, I struggle - letter to company. Even some things I want to do, update journals, if it takes thinking then I just can't do it.

I'm fed up because OH is in Glasgow, has been since yesterday and apparently he now has to stay over there again tonight - he is a driver and they have this 8hr rule thing. He was going to be home and started work late tomorrow so I would of seen him for once, plus I would of had some help for the Drs appointment I am going to tomorrow - now I'm on my own AGAIN.

The lovely sunny weather has only highlighed to me that I no longer fit into my clothes, I feel like a tramp, I can't afford new things and I hate my body - I have a cycle of hate. Sometimes I think, it's like this because of my beautiful baby, then I think - when will it get back to normal? Then I eat rubbish because I feel rubbish (chocolate etc) then I get annoyed I did this. I start each day trying to put it right, drink water, eat healthy only to wind up binging on crap again.

I have a short fuse from it all as well, the cat's get the brunt of my shouting but then I feel ridiculous for shouting at an innocent cat

I'm feeling tense and stressed and soon it's Chloe's bed time and also time for Sophie to fuss - it's her witching hour. I just feel so tired from it all.

Moan over!

 

[cat_reversing]

rah,rah,rah.....!!!! get it all out! bah, it's all just a bit too much sometimes,isn't it. i don't have a toddler aswell but i know how hard i've found it, especially if lo has a particularly bad night, i'm just a wreck next day, memory out the window, foul temper. i tell lo to just do it herself but she doesn't listen!
sounds like now might be a good time to pull in som favours from your nearest and dearest, get a few baby/toddler free hours to get some sleep or wash yur hair or whatever you can do to recharge. re diet maybe let yourself just be for a few days and get back to it next week, don't beat yourself up!
see black thoughts for what they are and try to let them go. if you feel really down and low for more than 2 weeks see someone as it could be pnd and ther's no need for you to suffer. hope you feel better soon, if not it's time to break out the icecream!