My MIL trimmed my 18mth old son's hair even after we said no

[kim_09]

My mother in law trimmed the front of my 18mth old son's hair even after my husband told her how important the 1st hair cut was to me and that we didn't want her doing it. My own mum even warned against doing it telling her the 1st hair cut is a 'mothers job'. Now i have just received photos of my son at the park and it's clear his front section of hair has been cut! I am devastated and still crying about it. My mum has since picked up the kids from her (MIL) house and has confirmed she has definitely cut his hair. I am in disbelief... She is the controlling type of MIL and often does not take us seriously. My husband even says she treats him like a child despite being 32yrs old. Now i don't know what to do.. I'm so upset and angry.. Should we say something? Am i crazy for being upset? How would you react in this situation?

 

[smurff]

Oh my God I'd be fuming, I certainly would say something infact I'd have been around there the moment I found out what she had done. How dare she do that especially as it was his first hair cut, even if it wasn't his first she still has no right to do it. If that was my mum I'd tell her in no uncertain terms if she can't abide by my rules and do as she's told about my children then I'd ask her stay stay away or not let her have him on her own again.
I put on another thread hear that my mum Tried to patent my child a while ago and told me I'm a bad parent cause I didn't discipline him enough. I told her to get out my house and she needn't come round anymore and see them if she didn't lime the way I did things. We didn't speak for weeks but she eventually came round and apologised and now she follows my lead on parenting and does not interfere. You need to stand up to her now or she'll always try to take over

 

[Twag]

I am so sorry I would be devastated too - I would definitely say something!

 

[AP]

To be honest, I think you need to say something to nip this in the bud. She will cross more lines if you don't.

My MIL was the same - in fact i dreaded her doing this to my children so much , it was exactly the type of thing she would have done if she thought she could get away with it, and there was times I was suspect. (She now stacks up on clips because she thinks their hair is in their face - even though one of my girls hates hair clips)

 

[JumpingIn]

Oh my god. This is so far beyond any boundary I have in place. I'm so sorry this happened. If this was my MIL she wouldnt be with him unsupervised again. How disrespectful and needlessly hurtful can you get!? I'd feel so very violated. Not only that, she took that moment from your son. It was supposed to happen with his mummy and daddy. In fumig on your behalf!

Edit to add: I'm still processing thisand the more I think about it the angrier I become. This is your child's hair, a part of his body. She didn't just change his outfit...when children first have haircuts, go to the doctors or dentist, have shoes fitted etc...there's a reason it's normally done with parents. They need to feel secure as others intrude on their space and make decisions about their body. They need to learn that only parents can make those choices for them. Totally unacceptable.

 

[Bevziibubble]

I would be really annoyed. She totally undermined you and disrespected your wishes

 

[seaurchin]

This was something I was afraid that my Mum/MIL/SIL might do, as it was soooo important to me (and unfortunately they're all the pushy opinionated type, lucky me!). I still would be really upset if somebody else took it upon themselves to cut either of my little girls hair now, even though they're 1.5 and 3.5yrs now.

If I'm honest I would have gone mental, and probably overboard, but I think it's massively crossing a line - it's the parent's decision, and/or the child's when they can choose for themselves - not for anybody else to impose.

 

[Prinny_1]

I can honestly say that I know exactly how you feel as the same thing happened when my son was that age. He's five now and I would say it's only recently that I can think about it without feeling furious all over again. I don't know what your relationship is like with your MIL, but it was better for me that my OH dealt with it (although she did get to witness ny response as I noticed the hair and she said she'd cut it; I was obviously horrified). The person who really drove home how unacceptable it was was my brother in law who deals with her in a much more 'frank' manner than my OH. I'm sure you've probably dealt with it by now, but I think a firm word is definitely in order...

 

[minties]

My MIL shaved all of my sons hair off once. I am still furious and it was years ago now.

If I were you and had the balls to do it, if chop some hair off the back of her head next time I visited.

 

[Teri7489]

Big hugs! If you have the strength to do it then I'd say something to her. If she doesn't listen about this then she likely won't listen about any rules you set for your son. Sweets, bedtime that sort of thing. A hairdresser butchered my sons hair on his first cut and blamed him for moving too much (he was 11 months old) I was so upset I posted on here about it. It's an important thing and you are totally right to be angry and upset about it xxx

 

[Eleanor ace]

My MIL shaved all of my sons hair off once. I am still furious and it was years ago now.

If I were you and had the balls to do it, if chop some hair off the back of her head next time I visited.

Oh my God that would be amazing! And terrifying

OP that is so wrong. Wow I would be furious. I think you really need to make a stand on this as otherwise she'll think she can just keep on pushing you and ignoring your wishes.

 

[misspriss]

My FIL gave my 3 year old a haircut 2 months go without asking us first. He butchered my poor boys hair and cut it vastly different than I do (he went short in front long in back, I pretty much do the opposite). I was furious. I didnt have to say something though because my MIL knew he crosssed the line and told him so then apologized to me. He is 3, so I spoke to him about not letting other people cut his hair without asking me first. It barely grew mostly back by thr time we had our family pictures made.

 

[Rags]

I'd have been so angry! My aunt did this to one of her grandchildren after being told that the plan was to grow it - as far as she's concerned what she says goes! My cousin was very angry and made sure her mother knew this both by telling her and then by restricting her contact (only when she or the father were available to be there too). This went on for quite a while until my aunt was so desperate to take the child out by herself she promised not to do anything like that again. To be honest she still did lots of choosing outfits she liked and changing the child after her parents had left, it's a shame she didn't learn her lesson because in the end my cousin and her partner decided to move away from the area - in the main to get away from her.

 

[Kandidancer]

OMG, I hope you do manage to find the strength and courage to say something, it's totally out of order and disrespectful. My MIL is dominating and horrid to be frank. I have put numerous posts on here even before I had my daughter. Unfortunately my OH says that's how she is. I am hoping to gain courage and say something to my MIL soon about the recent upset to my daughter. Good luck Hun, let's hope it's the last time she does something so stupid xx

 

[vickyandchick]

I would be livid, my MIL has a habit of over stepping the line but if she did this I would be furious.
You definitely need to have a word otherwise she'll keep doing whatever she wants x

 

[_jellybean_]

Pretty sure my dad trimmed my son's hair a few times, but just a bit. Didn't bother me but I can understand wanting to do a first haircut. Man...they get big SO FAST!

 

[BunnyN]

I remember when I stayed with my granny for a couple of weeks when I was about 4 and she took me to get my long hair cut short. I didn't really think anything of it at the time but I had lovely blond curls. She was pretty upset about it I think. She didn't make a big deal about it infront of me because she didn't want it to ruin my relationship with my granny but she mentioned it years later. I would be upset about someone else doing the first haircut too. I like the idea of cutting a chunk out of theh back of her hair, lol.

 

[Bella1185]

OMG!!!!!! That's awful and completely disrespectful!!!!! Of course you're upset! You and your hubby need to have a talk with her - if she has no boundaries now she certainly won't get better as time goes on!

I'm so sorry!!! Totally understand!!! That was a really big deal for me w/DD too

 

[Parkep]

Oh I'm so sorry id be livid!

 

[Wish85]

What is wrong with people? Blows my mind the blatant disrespect some people have. I would definitely confront my MIL if she did that.