My NICU Nightmare & My Disappointing Boobs

[GirlattheHelm]

On August 21st I had two beautiful twin girls - Aria and Aurora. They came when they wanted to and how they wanted to. I had a crappy backache and begrudgingly made the 1.5 hour trek to the doctors (I live in a mountain side) while the nurses thought I had a UTI but said I should come in anyway. My doctor showed up, checked me and denied all of us... Saying that I was, in fact, 6cm dilated and heading for 7... shocker. I had 2 betamethasone shots four days prior since my doctor was concerned about if the girls did come early (since I was 1cm dilated at the time), we would have a serious issue if I couldn't make it to her office (the only legit hospital for a LONG ways).

Aria came naturally in a 1-2-3 series of pushes and shot out like a bullet while Aurora turned and headed for my ribcage. Oops!

Insert emergency section here...

Both girls could breath room air and came at an estimated 32 weeks 4 days. Aria was 4lbs, Aurora was 3lbs 14 oz.

An hour later - when I came to - I got to hold my babies while a transport team readied them to head to the nearest NICU capable of supporting them. I wouldn't see them again for four days while I healed and received massive amounts of super wide-spectrum antibiotics because they had to yank Aria's cord back through my vagina and through my uterus. On top of the fact apparently the anesthesia didn't keep me under through the whole c-section. They seemed very concerned I 'remembered' something. Which I didn't.

Sigh. So, now, in a foreign city - thankfully put up by the Ronald McDonald house near the hospital - I am taking a bus to-and-fro a big Level 3 facility feeling slightly like a failure, unable to to take my kids closer to term while my boobs aren't working. After leaking colostrum for almost my entire 2nd trimester, this seemed so disappointing.

I make like 2.5 - 3 ounces of milk in a day - pumping every 2-3 hours since their birth to a point of almost near exhaustion. I never felt engorged, and my right breast will leak but only occasionally and only a drop or two. It's approximately 5mL - 10mL per pump. It's emotional devastation every time I pump and realize I could spit more in cup.

Yes, I am eating fenugreek by boatload so my urine smells like cheap maple syrup.
Yes, I am drinking that awful tea and drink 3 liters of water a day - if not more (thank you, CamelBak).
Yes, I massage my boobs.
Yes, I sit and stare at pictures.
Yes, I kangaroo care and the girls latch (using a nipple shield) when we can orchestrate that.
Yes, I use a giant, overpriced milk-machine of medical grade.
Yes, I pump 5 minutes past dry.
Yes, I've spoken to 2 lactation consultants and everyone has something different to say. None of it has proven helpful to increase my supply.
Yes, I have power pumped - to no avail.

I am willing to pump through all this, just to give a fraction of some more breastmilk to the girls, but is there any hope of my milk actually coming full in or producing more?

I have not heard of anyone suddenly getting a decent supply after 2 weeks postpartum. We're almost 17 days out. I'm losing real hope that all my efforts were in vain. But I don't know so I turn to you good folks --

Any thoughts? Comments? Questions? Concerns?

 

[Mum2BKW]

Didn't want to read and run, it sounds like you're doing brilliantly and trying so many things to get your supply up. I sure you'll get there, don't give up!

As your girls were premature I'm not sure how that would affect your supply, maybe some of the other mums can offer more advice?

Best of luck x

 

[Srrme]

I am sorry you're having a hard time. Have you tried hand expressing? I was unable to express much milk using a pump, but was able to pump loads when I began hand expressing! If you haven't tried that, I would give it a go and cluster pump again (every hour if you have to, for a while, not just 1-2 days). Good luck, mama.

 

[Tess.ie]

Hugs, you are doing really well. No advise, but didn't want to read and run! X

 

[VGibs]

The doctor has not prescribed Domperidone? I would put an urgent call into your doc and get on that straight away. If it is fesable. You have tried everything else it sounds like. I have heard of NICU cases going almost 21 days without proper milk supply.

 

[Aimee4311]

I've got no advice, sorry. Congratulations on your girls, though!

 

[lmp1505768]

I find that if I latch my DS on one side it helps to trigger let down faster and I get way more with the pump.

If he's not hungry, I hand express a bit and then go to the pump. It helps.

ETA: when the pump stops getting milk, try expressing by hand. It would give you a better idea of if your truly empty(ish) or if the pump just isn't working for you

 

[Nela]

Hang in there, dear mama. I also had a csection and was very sick so I missed out on breastfeeding from the beginning. I had issues and still have some (won't latch, need to increase production) but we're trying and it's going, slowly, but it's going. I think some important things to remember are not to let it be an extra source of stress. You've been through enough of that already! Try and see every ml as a bonus,and hold your precious girls as much as you can when you can, or even just stay close if you cannot hold them much. As long as you still have some milk, if you keep stimulating, you should be able to get a supply going. It may not be perfect, it may not be what you had envisioned, but remember that anything and everything they get in breast milk helps, even if you have to top it up. Don't be so hard on yourself. Your body is still healing as well so that can slow you down. There is still hope!

A good friend of mine went through hell and back with her babies (lost one of her twins, her remaining girl has severe issues, also premature, everything was very traumatic) but she managed to get breastfeeding going by pumping. It took a lot of time and energy but she did it. She says for some people, needing to look at pics of their babies to remind them why they do it helps. For others, doing it without paying much attention to it and distracting themselves works better. For me, I am part of the latter group. I now have a comfy hands free pumpand pump while watching movies etc. No more stress for me (people were aggressively trying to latch my boy and that only led to bad feelings for both of us)

My friend gave me this link to help me and I thought i'd share in case it can help you...

https://newborns.stanford.edu/Breastfeeding/MaxProduction.html

Wishing you all the best and a very speedy recovery!

 

[febbride2012]

shelby may be able to help I'll tag her xx

 

[ShelbyLC]

Congratulations on the birth of your girls!

Firstly - and this is the hardest thing to do - you need to try to relax a little. The more you stress over milk production, the harder it's going to be for your supply to increase.

Secondly - get as much sleep as you can. Your body is still healing and all of your energy is going to healing. It takes a lot of energy to produce breast milk and it takes a lot of energy to heal from an EMCS. I'm sure you're trying to be in the NICU as much as possible, but don't be afraid of being away for a few hours while you rest. If you are using all your energy on getting to/from the NICU and healing, there will be no energy left for breast milk production.

Also, when you pump, read a book or surf the internet. Completely, 100% ignore the pump. If you pretend you aren't pumping and put your mind on something else, you might just find you get more milk that way.

Have you tried hand expressing or using a manual pump? A lot of women find they don't respond well to motorized pumps and can only get large amounts of milk by using a manual pump or even just hand expressing into a bottle.