babyangel24
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- Aug 13, 2013
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I dont even know where to begin, but im looking for support. My husband and I have been together for over 10 years. We tried off and on for about 3 years, and then tried pretty much every other day for over a year to get pregnant. I was put on clomid 50mg for one cycle, then 100 mg the next, and finally my last cycle I was put on 150 mg. I went in for blood work on day 21 each time.
I was told the last two cycles I did not ovulate, and thats why I was being bumped up on my clomid each cycle. Well at the beginning of june, with the 150mg cycle, I went in for my routine blood work, and I was told the next day I did not ovulate and was going to have to see a specialist to talk about IVF treatments. We pretty much decided we could not afford to do IVF, and would rather adopt, then try IVF and not work and then we wasted all the money for nothing. My period was late, but it was always late and I had always gotten excited over nothing, so I didnt even think any thing of it. Well I was over a week late, and my best friend was getting married that weekend, so my mom told me I needed to take a test before the wedding, because we were going to be drinking shots after the wedding...I didnt see the point, but I bought a test after my interview for my new job.
I came home, peed on the stick, which this mind you is the FIRST time I wasnt giddy staring at the lines hoping it was pregnant. I just had given up. and guess what? Within 10 seconds I saw two lines...I freaked out, thought I was mis reading it, called my mom, husband, best friend, and CRIED LIKE A BABY! thats how happy I was. We had our first ultrasound the very next week, our baby was around 5 weeks 5 days old, we were so excited we bought a frame to put it in. I felt like crap, but I loved it. I felt terribly nauseas every day, boobs hurt, the whole nine yards.
Fast forward to 10 weeks along, and I go in for my check up. Everything was great. On our way home, I got a call from the dr saying I was suppose to do a ultrasound to exactly pinpoint my due date, since I wasnt very far along the first time. My husband had to go to work, so my mom went with me. When they started the ultrasound, I knew something was wrong: for one, my baby wasnt much bigger, had no limbs, which I have read enough to know alot about the development. I was nervous, but my mom was so excited...the ultrasound tech literally said nothing the whole entire time.
Finally when she was done taking the pictures, she looks at me and says, it looks like the baby is measured at 6 weeks and 6 days. She knew I knew, but my mom just looked at her and said, well did they get the due date wrong before or what? So I looked at her, without even blinking and said no, mom the baby must of stopped growing...my mom got very defensive, I guess you would say, and asked, So your telling me the baby died, yes or no?, the nurse finally said, well I have to talk to her dr, but yes, the baby has only grown a week farther along, and its been a month since her last ultrasound, and there is no heartbeat.
It was the worst moment of my life. I started bawling after my mom asked that and I couldnt stop. They told me I could get dressed, and I set in the bathroom within the room crying so hard, they just set in the room waiting for me to come out.. When I finally did she told me I had to go to a department across the hall to talk to the dr about my options. It was literally the worst experience of my life. That happened on July 29th. I didnt get my D&C until the 2nd.
It has been so hard to get over. I hate having to wait to try again, when thats all we have been doing for over a year. Now its like our lives are completely different...we have to stop thinking about having a baby, even if for only a few months, but its just foreign to me. Its hard to explain.. Im sorry about the book I just wrote! but I needed to get it out...I have so much more to say, but I would be here for weeks typing.
I was told the last two cycles I did not ovulate, and thats why I was being bumped up on my clomid each cycle. Well at the beginning of june, with the 150mg cycle, I went in for my routine blood work, and I was told the next day I did not ovulate and was going to have to see a specialist to talk about IVF treatments. We pretty much decided we could not afford to do IVF, and would rather adopt, then try IVF and not work and then we wasted all the money for nothing. My period was late, but it was always late and I had always gotten excited over nothing, so I didnt even think any thing of it. Well I was over a week late, and my best friend was getting married that weekend, so my mom told me I needed to take a test before the wedding, because we were going to be drinking shots after the wedding...I didnt see the point, but I bought a test after my interview for my new job.
I came home, peed on the stick, which this mind you is the FIRST time I wasnt giddy staring at the lines hoping it was pregnant. I just had given up. and guess what? Within 10 seconds I saw two lines...I freaked out, thought I was mis reading it, called my mom, husband, best friend, and CRIED LIKE A BABY! thats how happy I was. We had our first ultrasound the very next week, our baby was around 5 weeks 5 days old, we were so excited we bought a frame to put it in. I felt like crap, but I loved it. I felt terribly nauseas every day, boobs hurt, the whole nine yards.
Fast forward to 10 weeks along, and I go in for my check up. Everything was great. On our way home, I got a call from the dr saying I was suppose to do a ultrasound to exactly pinpoint my due date, since I wasnt very far along the first time. My husband had to go to work, so my mom went with me. When they started the ultrasound, I knew something was wrong: for one, my baby wasnt much bigger, had no limbs, which I have read enough to know alot about the development. I was nervous, but my mom was so excited...the ultrasound tech literally said nothing the whole entire time.
Finally when she was done taking the pictures, she looks at me and says, it looks like the baby is measured at 6 weeks and 6 days. She knew I knew, but my mom just looked at her and said, well did they get the due date wrong before or what? So I looked at her, without even blinking and said no, mom the baby must of stopped growing...my mom got very defensive, I guess you would say, and asked, So your telling me the baby died, yes or no?, the nurse finally said, well I have to talk to her dr, but yes, the baby has only grown a week farther along, and its been a month since her last ultrasound, and there is no heartbeat.
It was the worst moment of my life. I started bawling after my mom asked that and I couldnt stop. They told me I could get dressed, and I set in the bathroom within the room crying so hard, they just set in the room waiting for me to come out.. When I finally did she told me I had to go to a department across the hall to talk to the dr about my options. It was literally the worst experience of my life. That happened on July 29th. I didnt get my D&C until the 2nd.
It has been so hard to get over. I hate having to wait to try again, when thats all we have been doing for over a year. Now its like our lives are completely different...we have to stop thinking about having a baby, even if for only a few months, but its just foreign to me. Its hard to explain.. Im sorry about the book I just wrote! but I needed to get it out...I have so much more to say, but I would be here for weeks typing.
There's a picture of me on the dock at my husband's family camp last year when I was 8 weeks pregnant-- just a few days before we found out that the pregnancy wasn't viable. Everytime I stumble across it on Facebook, it hurts to remember how excited we were. 
