My parents don't support my parenting style...at ALL!

[mumeee]

They don't have to support your parenting style, they're not his parents.

I do however have to say that she's a little bit right on something though and when its your first, and he's so little, its hard to get your head round. That's to say that, when food/milk is available to them, babies really won't starve themselves. My son was FF by that age and even he, who was used to bottles (and finally stable on reflux meds) would go entire days fighting with his bottle and we'd worry he wasn't getting enough. It's tough, but once they get the idea that milk comes out of bottles too, it does get easier (mostly, then they just find new things to worry you with, I believe this goes on for the rest of your natural life!)

ETA have you tried getting someone else to offer him the bottle while you're off somewhere else out of sight? Just I know my LO had a hard time taking a bottle from me when he could smell milk from me

 

[Dragonfly]

I dont have any one that supports my style at all. I mean my dad says I parent how I want and knows I know what is best but my mum on the other hand if its not her way its the wrong way. One of them "never done you any harm" and all my health problems and non bonding with her was my fault apparently so she says. I didnt want what I had with my mum to happen to my kids so I done what came natural to me which was everything she didnt do. Even heard her saying at my sons bday party she didnt do days out with us with work they had no time for anything with us. Then she likes to rub my face in it "how did we manage" when I ask can them come for half an hour till I do my kitchen and some things when they had my gran take care of me and any one who was about.

My mum belives in children should not be seen or heard. Lived in my bedroom alone a lot of my life and trusted the wrong people. She took nothing to do with me and thinks my childrens toys should not bein my livingroom despite them not having a nursary as we all co sleep in the same bedroom. In laws are the same, telling me I will learn the hard way with co sleeping and they will never do this or that, hv is the same disagrees with me on everything even says i dont have to be a martye for breastfeeding this long.

So I dont have any friends either they all left when they started to not like what I done. So I dont bother making new ones as I know they wont agree anyway as everyone is formula, cots and detachment around here. Even my aunt dosnt visit me as she went weird when I was breastfeeding protesting her kids turned out ok and she didnt do that.

yet.....

OMG how are your kids so good! they are so smart and independent.
I wonder......

 

[Palestrina]

I dont have any one that supports my style at all. I mean my dad says I parent how I want and knows I know what is best but my mum on the other hand if its not her way its the wrong way. One of them "never done you any harm" and all my health problems and non bonding with her was my fault apparently so she says. I didnt want what I had with my mum to happen to my kids so I done what came natural to me which was everything she didnt do. Even heard her saying at my sons bday party she didnt do days out with us with work they had no time for anything with us. Then she likes to rub my face in it "how did we manage" when I ask can them come for half an hour till I do my kitchen and some things when they had my gran take care of me and any one who was about.

My mum belives in children should not be seen or heard. Lived in my bedroom alone a lot of my life and trusted the wrong people. She took nothing to do with me and thinks my childrens toys should not bein my livingroom despite them not having a nursary as we all co sleep in the same bedroom. In laws are the same, telling me I will learn the hard way with co sleeping and they will never do this or that, hv is the same disagrees with me on everything even says i dont have to be a martye for breastfeeding this long.

So I dont have any friends either they all left when they started to not like what I done. So I dont bother making new ones as I know they wont agree anyway as everyone is formula, cots and detachment around here. Even my aunt dosnt visit me as she went weird when I was breastfeeding protesting her kids turned out ok and she didnt do that.

yet.....

OMG how are your kids so good! they are so smart and independent.
I wonder......

I'm saddened to read your post. I believe we should all feel free to make our own parenting choices however it sounds like you are alienated completely from everyone in your life. Obviously I don't know you and I don't know your whole story and you may have very good reason for not wanting to make new friends, but choosing this may have consequences of its own. Sometimes the way we believe things to be right may not coincide with other people's beliefs. But that doesn't mean we should just rid ourselves of everyone that we care about, what would this teach our children? That if someone doesn't agree with you then you shouldn't have anything to do with them?

I'm sure that if you try and look you may find some baby groups, BF support groups in your area where you can meet some like-minded people.

 

[Dragonfly]

I get what you are saying I know plenty of parents just none that would come and visit me but I lost friends who thought I rather look after my baby than go out getting hammered with them which I never did anyway, and well i would rather look after my kids than do that. Sadly got a few nasty things said to me called a lot of names by mums so I didnt want that again.

The breastfeeding group here no one goes to I rang a few times and was told no one goes there by the midwife who runs it sadly. And I dont have transport either to go to groups but the kids do have kids around here to play with and family to even if their parents dont like my style. I am friendly to any one I meet regardless of what they do and if they dont like what I do I dont care.

 

[Rachel_C]

Dragonfly, it's sad that you don't think there are any mums around who parent like you But does it always have to matter? I have a good friend near us with a little girl the same age as my oldest daughter. We parent quite differently but it's not like we sit talking about it - if one of us is finding something difficult (waking in the night or something) the other will usually offer some suggestions but it's not done forcefully. I hope you can find some good friends like that - you don't have to be the same to appreciate that other people have different ways that work for them

 

[Dragonfly]

It dosnt matter to me what they do, I dont ask questions as I know whats its like to be asked but it matters to some people. I think I made myself out to be stuck up and not wanting friends when I do and I am kind to everyone I meet just dont get close. I can give you the last 3 friends I had, one threatened to ring social on me just for spite and started saying very nasty things about my parenting style after william was born, she was drunk at the time and very controlling and spiteful. Caused a lot of rows in my house. Next one was a school friend recently who defriended me and called me freak and all in a message, I was her friend for years till we met again on facebook and she could see what I was in to. I was shocked at that , there was another friend of mine from school to known her years we met up again and she called me out of the blue to row with me about something that happened 15 years previously but was starting to get ratty with me because I wasnt in to drinking and drugs. She had 5 kids she offloaded on to her mum so she could have a life. Her call and fall out seemed imminent. the other one fell out with me because she didnt like me turning her down for nights out and assumed I had a problem with her and started bitching to my last remaining best friend about me who is still my friend but dosnt visit me any more .

Its hard to find a friend who dosnt want to drink like a fish and tell me I should be doing the same, its not my scene. I except many differences among people I fine it more interesting but sadly I dont get excepted. Apparently my laid back attitude pisses people off. You can have two heads or whatever I will still be your friend. But I dont want people picking apart what I do and rowing with me on the phone or on facebook about it and I seem to attract that sort. My family have stepped back they see what good kids are coming out so I hope they stop picking and going about their guilt on me.

 

[Palestrina]

I do hope you find some friends you can spend at least a little time with. I never ran in circles like that so I wouldn't know how to run into a person who drinks so heavily.

 

[Dragonfly]

Nore did I I knew them from school seems they never grew up even after kids or think they should have their own lives separate to kids. One of the said to me that she wouldnt breastfeed her daughter same age as my son because she wanted to go out and take drugs on the weekend and get hammered. So many like that around here seems to be a way of thinking in Ireland, get away from your kids and have a life. Sure now and again is ok I suppose but nothing wrong with people who dont do it. I have facebook friends a few further away from me who cant visit I make do with that.

 

[punk_pig]

Sounds like you've had a lot of negative influences in your life but you've done the incredibly brave and difficult thing of learning from them and making a change. You sound like a wonderful Mum!
Unfortunately those positive changes you've made have got those around you feeling insecure and defensive - you've not attacked them, yet a lot of insecure people see attacks everywhere they look - it isn't you're fault and I'm saddened that you're a bit stuck where you are.

My HV couldn't fall over herself fast enough to give me info about various baby and toddler groups because I have a history of depression and anxiety - she doesn't want me topping myself through isolation. Maybe if you mentioned to your HV that the lack of socialisation is getting you down she might do some research and come up with some suggestions? Also religeous centres often have baby/toddler groups run by parents and you dont have to be religeous to join. There are some good groups at the Methodist Church near me but it isn't run by the Church so there is no agenda.

 

[Dragonfly]

I am not wanting to go to these groups I know they exist, i got offended when my hv tried to get me one of them befrienders and I told her I didnt want someone coming in here in to my house and she went ahead and done it. I know she meant well but I was so upset when I had to turn the woman away on the phone but I felt it would be to much for me at that time and didnt want judgements in my own home from someone or someone paid to be my friend made me feel worse. There are no church places like that here its all mainly one or two religions, there is a playgroup I just have no car and its miles away. I dont fancy walking a child down a dual carriageway for miles. They are ok though they get out with their dad a lot as william loves his gran and she comes to pick get him. I know he will love playschool to! hopefully one of is will have a license and a car by then.

I know you may think I sound negative and not wanting to go to these things but I actually dont for my own good. I dont mind them going with their dad but i dont want to go to be questioned as I even got questioned in anti natel waiting room by parents as to why my son had no bottle or dummy when he asked what they where and handed them to the little girl who had left. them in the play house. Rest the kids where being selfish and nasty to him and he was sharing with them so it was really awkward. Not that he cared but you could see him sort of looking at kids snatching things off him and parents tearing in to them and questioning me. I live in a very mainstream parenting area, punishments, treated like nusences etc non breastfeeding and certainly not AP. But hey I always was a loner anyway so will get by keeping what i do to myself while hopefully others will stop commenting on mine. You know the making a mistake with co sleeping spin from inlaws again.I am still upset from getting shouted at from my other halfs mother who said we let him away with far to much because he was playing and spilled the baby powder. I dont know wtf she meant by that but I am raging. She also had a go at why Alex was clingy to me on his party, she done this on william to when he was younger I tried again to explain it was normal but she things something has happened.