my patience is running low and I feel awful

[Al Syr]

My soon to be 3 year old is burning up my patience. I read parenting book, blogs, I read posts by people here and I am not sure how to maintain my patience when all my son does is fight with his little sister, he picks on her all day long. He refuses to listen to me, when we go out to the grocery store he tells me he wants to walk and not go in stroller, I keep him in a stroller 50% of the time because otherwise he is stopping to touch everything. He argues with me when I say he is going on the stroller, he yells "NO MATTHEW WALK!".

I wake up in the morning fine, when I hear him wake up I suddenly get into that mind set that we are going to have a hard day and because of the negativity it ends up a bad day and I hate feeling this way. He is my first baby, we have such an incredible bond and when he cooperates everything is bliss, but that is just a percentage of the time.

Any suggestions, videos, books, activities for him that may aid this situation?

 

[seoj]

Big hugs

All parents have those moments. Being a parent is another layer of stress at times in life- and life, typically, isn't exactly "easy" lol... I've been there.

I know it's easy to say- but maybe try to put yourself in a positive mind-set first thing? Maybe a little meditation- or wake up a bit earlier to just get a bit of YOU time before the kiddos wake up? I do think they feed off our energy- it always seems when I'm the most stressed already is when LO pushes boundaries harder. Then it can become a cycle... and not a fun one!

Again, I know it's easier to say- and harder in reality-- but it can't hurt to try something to help you feel less stress and maybe that will spill over into those rough moments. Something I've been personally working on- and I'm doing better (after some really stressful times and less patients overall)- but I'm still a work on progress... we all are.

My best advise- is the moment you feel that stress coming on- walk away (whenever possible) and take a breathe. Give yourself a timeout- sometimes we need it! Sorry no great advise. Just keep doing what you can and know, in time, you'll find what works best for you and your LO.

 

[MumToEva]

I'm finding my 2 hard enough going at the minute too - I just don't see to have the same patience with them that I normally do. Things that help me at the minute are:

- structuring my day so that the time is broken up more, eg go for a walk each morning from 10 - 11, set meal times and nap times, go to the park on good afternoons, mums and tots on certain days, etc.

- dd doesn't nap every day, but I insist on her having rest time on the days when she isn't napping. She plays on the sofa with her stuffed toys and knows that mummy is having a break during that time. Took her a while to get used to it, but she now accepts it fine.

- regular exercise for me - really lifts my mood!

- get out out of the house on bad days - going to the shops or to a cafe for a cuppa gives us all something new to look at and gets us through the day. Sometimes I even put them in the car and just drive around for a while singing to the radio - still feels like a break!

I'm also looking forward to going back to work part time in a month's time -think it will really help. I'm just not cut out for being a SAHM full time! I feel a lot better about myself when I am working, and I appreciate my time with the kids so much more!

 

[A_Z]

I don't have a toddler as old as your guy yet, so I may be way off base (and please ignore if I am), but it sounds like maybe you need more limits and fewer negotiations. Does that sound right to you at all? I think toddlers really like to test limits (some more than others), which is a good thing! And sometimes we need to show them were those limits are.

My daughter prefers walking to the stroller, but has a bad habit of running in the wrong direction to get me to chase her. I used to get irritated and try and convince her to walk nicely, etc., but these days I make it clear that she has two options: walk nicely or ride. As soon as she stops walking nicely she goes in the stroller. I stay upbeat and pleasant about it, but I don't negotiate.

 

[hattiehippo]

It will get better I promise.

My son was a nightmare at 2 and 3. He would argue about everything, tantrum for hours and just wanted everything his way and some days he was literally looking for a battle from the moment he woke up. I used to dread the day when he woke up having a tantrum cos I knew that would be a whole day of him screaming at me and being defiant about everything he could be - he would even refuse to make any choices he was offered.

He is so different now at nearly 4 1/2. Yes he has off days and he will argue a lot but he generally follows what he's asked to do and he accepts that he is not in charge all the time now.

I would agree with having set boundaries and reducing negotiation with him if he is battling you with things. So you decide whether he walks or not, not him. You could give him the chance to show you he can walk without touching everything but if he does, put him in the buggy and tell him why he can't walk at the moment. Keep repeating why you can't let him walk. It won't talk forever for him to get the idea that if he does certain things he goes in the buggy.

And yes try and be upbeat and positive because kids def feed off our moods. Again I know it's really hard when you can see what mood they're in and you know there's going to be a battle but it does help.

 

[TryinFor1]

I have no advice, only sympathy. DS has really just gotten into the tantrum stage and I can tell its going to be a nightmare. He is only sixteen months but he sure as hell lets you know when he wants things done his way, which is most of the time, or he throws himself on the ground and screams and cries. Its annoying me. I don't think we will have bad days, as I know its just a stage and we will get through it! But being pregnant and dealing with his little attitude thing he has going on is really just pushing me to my limit! I love the little thing dearly but my God!