My sister gives birth today....

[billie1007]

My sister was lucky and got preganant her first month of trying. She is in the hospital right now and will be having a C section at 11am as the baby is breech and hasn't turned in the night.

I feel so sad. When will it happen for us? What if it doesn't ever happen?

We have hardly spoken about trying for a long time (my sister and I) but last night she said she would lend me some money if I needed it for ivf. It was very sweet but I think that conversation really made it come home to me. I have the conversation with myself every day or come on here and read about it but when you talk about things like that out loud everything changes.

My husband and I are drifting, no kissing or touching just a whole lot of resentment that isn't being spoken about. We did bath together last night which helped me to feel closer to him but I know there is a lot of hurt that we aren't talking about at the moment. It is easier to say in that sing-song voice 'it'll happen'.

A good day, but a bad day.

Love to all xxxxxx

 

[mjemma]

I know exactly how you feel. My little sister gave birth 2 weeks ago and I although I am very happy for her and looking forward to spending time with my nephew, it is still very difficult. I was excited leading up to the birth but it really hit home when I hear my mum on the phone telling people she was a grandma and I just thought - that should have been me giving you that.

Sometimes it is difficult to talk to your husband about how you feel or even to vocalise it properly. I find it helps to write it down or I have also been to see a fertility coach/counsellor when I felt like I was starting to go crazy and that was very helpful.

Be kind to yourself and your relationship and know that you will be an important part of this baby's life and one day, one way or another, you will have your own xx

 

[Ame]

My younger sister just had her third. Her and her husband decided they wanted one more, she went off the pill and was pregnant the next month. I am happy for her but its painful. DH's cousin has a 9 month old little boy and we just spent the weekend with him and it makes me want to cry. I love being around people and their babies but it hurts.

DH and I went through a bad spot in the summer. We went on a short vacation and it really helped bring us closer. I also find writing helps me be able to be more honest with him. Up until the other day I didn't really realize how much TTC and the MC have hurt him. Anyway good luck and stay strong.

 

[Armywife84]

I'm so sorry, Billie.

That is really kind of your sister to offer. It's hard to put an end to TTC naturally and to face alternative treatments. Just something you never thought you would deal with, it's a big pill to swallow.

It's completely normal to go thru a rough patch with the DH. LTTC makes you feel isolated, resentful, overwhelmed, depressed, and the list goes on....You shut yourself off from everyone else around you because you're not receiving any physical support. That's when I log onto BNB for support or make another appt with my therapist.

I would also talk to your DH about infertility and how it makes you feel. Ask or support from him. You're in this together so he should be with you every step of the way. I mainly vent on here, but have about 20 minutes of where you talk to your DH about your feelings..then don't breach the baby topic the rest of the day. You guys will grow closer.

 

[Bookworm]

I think we all struggle with watching others conceive & go through pregnancy & birth, sometimes a couple of times over while we all lurk about waiting.... I sometimes feel like I'm being left behind - I was at a pre-Christmas party on Sunday and DH & I were the only ones there with no kids & all the women talked about was breast pumps.....

But don't be afraid of seeking out help! I'm not sure where you are, if you've had an tests or if you have any known difficulties... dH & I found out earlier this year that we can only have children of our own via IVF with ICSI - knowing that helped us massively: it took the pressure off TTC naturally with the monthly disappointments, gave us a joint focus of something that we're working towards together....

I won't lie, it wasn't nice news to get & took time to come to terms with, but now I'm glad that I'm not torturing myself every month with what I now know was a hopeless cause....

Of course our situation is unusual, & lots of people in this section are perfectly fertile but just can't get the sperm/egg co-ordination down for some reason - but whatever the outcome maybe going forward with tests/treatment would give you & DH some peace of mind?

Ps in my local area 1 in 6 couples go for assisted contraception - it seems scary when you start out, but it's more common than you think & it gets great results