My sister is pregnant.. again

[heather_dw]

earlier tonight, I got a long Facebook message from my sister. She's pregnant.. again. The message was all "they didn't want to hurt me" and whatnot, but I couldn't even read it all. Her youngest is two. When she was pregnant last time, it was torture for me. Her and mom shoved baby stuff at me for months. I can't emotionally do this again.

At the moment, I just wish I were dead. I cannot deal with this stuff. She always gets what she wants. ALWAYS. Is it so much to ask that hubby and I get to have ONE baby of our own? If there is a god, he hates me. I'm having an awful night and I'm getting to the point now where I'm actually ANGRY at my sister for this. I really want to cut the family out. Who needs them anyways. It's not like it matters now. She'll get the perfect little life and I'll be the pitiful person standing on the sidelines while everyone else gets what they want. I don't even know if I'll bother getting out of bed tomorrow. It hurts so much that i don't even know what to do with myself. I can 't deal with this.

This month, they've upped me to 150mg of clomid, so my time's rapidly running out. I can't deal.

 

[Amygdala]

I'm so sorry you're feeling like this! It sounds like ttc is quite a bit more difficult for you than it is for me but I do know it can be tough to hear of other people's pregnancies. However, if it gets you down as much as it does, to the extent that you feel completely sidelined and don't even want to get out of bed, maybe it's time to consider some counselling. I'm not saying it'll make the pain of not having a child any less but it might help you to cope with it better? Just try to remember that other people's success or failure does not impact your chances. I hope today isn't as bad for you as you thought and that you feel better soon.

 

[purplerose]

I agree with Amy, I think you need to go in for some much needed Counselling. Obviously it was hard for your sister to keep her pregnancy a secret as she said she was considering your feelings.

As for the last pregnancy, your mother and sister most likely didn't mean to flaunt baby items at you. They were excited that a new member was added to the family.

I'm almost 27 and I'm the only one in my mum's side of the family that doesn't have a child in their 20s. And I'm second eldest grandchild to my grandparents on mum's side (Well third if you count my adopted cousin) and from 18 to 29 my cousins (and younger sister) have or are having babies.

When my sister announced she was pregnant, I joked "I'm glad I still hold the title of being childless in my 20s." It was to coverup my disappointment.

Please go speak to someone, that isn't friend or family related. Your feeling bitter, angry and the world is against you by this news. You have to support your sister, she finally announced her pregnancy because she wants you to be involved.

 

[BlueBoo]

Oh you poor thing, I know exactly how you feel. Between me and my OH we have 3 siblings, all younger than us, and since last Christmas all 3 of them have announced their pregnancies. 2 of them gave birth within 2 weeks of each other in the summer (a few weeks after my mc) and no sooner had those 2 got out the way than my brother announced his happy news. I think we've managed 6 pregnancy-free weeks this entire year.

It seems like it is so bloody easy for everyone else and no-one, not even your closest family, has any idea what it is like not to be able to have that one thing that shouldn't be too much to ask for. I know what you mean about wanting to cut them out. Things got so bad between me and my sister that we ended up not speaking for months and I didn't see my niece for the first 2 months.

In the end I wrote a very long, quite harsh, letter to my sister, trying to explain just how heartbreaking it is to be in this situation. I honestly think they just don't get it. They say 'I know it's hard BUT...' and think that because you're family you should be able to 'get over yourself' and be happy for them. It's like the world has to revolve around them because they're pregnant. Is there any chance you could try explaining that it is just too hard for you to deal with and you just need a bit of distance for a while?

Counselling sounds like a good idea if you have access to it - I sometimes think that I'll never conceive again if I am feeling so angry and negative.

I would say that we have to be a bit selfish, put ourselves first and do whatever it takes to try and get that magical news. If that means putting some distance between you and your family for a while, why not?

Sorry for the long ramble but I just wanted to empathise and let you know that you're not a bad person for feeling like this.

Take care of yourself xx

 

[Fallen Angel]

I can relate to this as my little sister who is just 26 gave birth to her FOURTH child just before we lost our little angel and it is heartbreaking to see her rant and rave on facebook about the kids driving her mental.

Between my 2 sisters I have 6 nieces and nephews of 6 years old and under - they are 26 & 28 and I am 35 - it is very difficult.

I think what we need to do to stop us being bitter is bear in mind that they do not have any idea how it feels, yes, we might think they should know and they should be more considerate and so on, but I truly think that unless you've been there, you cannot truly understand.

I hope you find some peace in your heart somehow and somewhere hon xxx

 

[tryforbaby2]

Yes speaking to someone should help you as I too am in a very similar situation. I, however, do have a soon to be 6 year old daughter. My sister, had my nephew last january. In May her and I found out we were both pregnant. I was thrilled to be pregnant, while my sister hated/hates it and complains all the time how much she cant handle this and doesnt want it and shouldve aborted it....etc etc. Well then my other younger sister also told us she was pregnant and due 1 month after us (the first sister and I were due 8 days apart). My youngest sister planned her pregnancy with her boyfriend and got pregnant the first month. Two month later, I miscarried mine on vacation and spent my 2 days at the hospital. 4 days later the youngest sister gets an abortion because her boyfriend left her. The first sister said she may as well do it too because she didnt want it.

How frustrating.

The sister who is the mean one gets everything. I eat healthy, dont smoke etc etc while she smokes, drinks, eats all junk and crap, and she is fine with everything.

Alot more to the story but you catch my drift.

It totally sucks, it does and I am so sorry.

I hope you get your wishes granted very soon.

 

[tryforbaby2]

the first sister is still pregnant with a healthy baby girl....due in 10 weeks. She gets to have the perfect family......a boy and girl.....1 year apart.

 

[heather_dw]

i just don't know if it will ever happen for me. I was on clomid 100 mg last cycle. On the chart, I ovulated, but progesterone was only a 4. This month, they're doing 150mg clomid and then prometrium starting at day 7dpo until the end. If the doctor can't get this figured out, she'll have to refer me to a fertility specialist, most of which won't help people as overweight as I am, not to mention that insurance probably won't cover that. This is why I feel I'm at the end.

 

[kezhulme]

Oh heather I know it must be hard I really cant imagine what your going through but it sounds like you're a strong person to have got through your sisters last pregnancy with all that baby talk!

I look at all the people who already have children and moan about them and I think to myself that with all the time I have to plan my baby will be the most prepared for and loved baby on the planet - with you having to wait so long yours is going to be amazing and blessed when he/she eventually decides to come into your life

Dont give up!

 

[tryforbaby2]

Don't give up!!!

 

[Feisty Fidget]

Oh lovelies

I have only been upset/bitter once towards a known person since being given our news. They had just gone into labour and the day they started posting fb photos I started bleeding. I was led in bed clicking through the photos and crying my eyes out thinking it wasn't fair. I have since managed to become happy for her (she had an abortion and a miscarriage before this one). A very close friend is due in 3 weeks and although I harbour no resentment towards her she has asked to come round (to offer me support, she is a good friend) but I have had to put her off as although I am fine speaking to her I don't know how I will react to seeing her huge bump

I was out at Tesco's earlier and some rather chavvy women were there screaming at their gorgeous toddler daughter. I came across 2 families doing this and it broke my heart thinking that it wasn't fair that I lost my baby when they don't even appreciate their's

 

[heather_dw]

I just wish I had hope for my own situation but I don't. I feel as if my sister did this on purpose. She has a two year old. She could have waited, especially knowing the stuff hubby and I were going through

 

[Amygdala]

I'm really sorry for your situation. But you more than anyone should understand that you can't just put your own ttc plans on hold. If having another baby now is right for your sister, you can't expect her to wait, especially if there's no specific point in time to wait for. And you must know yourself that she didn't get pregnant on purpose to hurt you but because she wanted another baby. That's not selfish, it's a basic need for most people. That's why it's so difficult for you and lots of people in here, but it's also why you can't get bitter about others getting what they're wishing for. It's not your sister's fault that you're in the situation you're in and it sounds like she's really worried about how it impacts you anyway.

 

[chevelle383]

I think you really should try and find some help hun. I know exactly how you feel, buut thoughts of cutting the family are just too much. I am very sure of the fact your sister does indeed feel bad, and even resentful of her good fortune, so please try to feel happy for her. Positive spirits do the mind and body good. Stress and resentment wont help your situation. Its hard, but try.

 

[mlyn26]

I'm so sorry you are having to go through this. Life really isn't fair x