Because I have no one to share my deep emotional feelings with that can understand or even relate to me, I decided to join this community and sharing my story in hopes that venting or releasing some pent up emotion or stress will help me feel better and prevent me from accidentally hurting people feels that I come in contact with.
Approximately 2 years ago, I entered a relationship with my partner and once things got serious we decided to start a family together. We moved in and started the process to have IUI. The 1st attempt was in May 2014 with an reproductive specialist Dr. P (don't want to discredit the physician despite my experience). Dr. P had the following requirements (1) counseling for using donor sperm for me and my partner, (2) hire a family lawyer for second parent adoption, (3) take STD test. After all of that was done, we had to do our own ovulation monitoring, we went in and I received the insemination. No medicine was given as Dr. P requires 3 natural cycles before he introduces medicine (this I did not know before hand because I was provided a different story for not being prescribed medicine during cycle 1). Cycle 1 failed but me nor my partner felt right about doing a 2nd cycle with him; therefore, I found another office.
Dr. M performed our cycle 2 (which I recently had on March 7, 2015). Dr. M did a thorough exam of my ovaries, follicles, uterus, and rechecked my blood. All of this was so new to us because it didn't happen with cycle 1 under Dr. P. I will admit the x-ray of the follicles to make sure there are no issues to cause miscarriage or tube blockage was very uncomfortable but I appreciated the test. I was placed on medicine and provided ultrasounds to make sure everything was on task (which never happened at Dr. P's office). My follicle had grew to Dr. M's likening and my uterus lining was thick enough to their satisfaction and I was told to administer the trigger shot that night. I gave myself the trigger shot because my partner is squishy and couldn't give it to me or watch me inject myself (smh). We went in on 3/7/2015 and had the IUI insemination. There I learned that my cervix was shaped funny and I had to be dilated (which also did not happen with Dr. P). I laid down for about 15-20 minutes and than was told to be mobile a little and than rest.
The waiting period is what drove us up a wall. Everyday she wanted me to test and everyday I said no because I feared it would say not pregnant and I just didn't want to see that after everything I had went through and the monies spent on the procedure ($2330 per cycle).
-I really have not felt any pregnancy symptoms that most people say they have. HOWEVER, my breasts, nipples, and stomach started itching like crazy even after I put oil and/ or lotion on them.
I don't know if I have had implantation bleeding or a very light cycle. I had one period of spotting on 3/22 and on 3/23 I had a medium flow (which leads me to believe this cycle would not be a success.) I had read articles that stated you can have heavy implantation bleeding for 1 day but no clots (and I didn't have clots). None the less after that I have very very light spotting and pinkish only when I wiped but no discharge. I vomited on 3/23 as well and could not hold any food down but the nurse think that I had a small virus or bug. I took a pregnancy test on 3/24 but it stated 'not pregnant' and I went into the office on 3/26 for blood test and it also stated not pregnant. The nurse told me that if my cycle had not come on by 4/2 to retest or get an ultrasound to see if the egg is implanted.
If my cycle does start for April, than I have to decided if I would like to go to this again with cycle attempt #3 but I will stick with Dr. M. Since this was my first cycle with them and they introduced medicine, they will plan to look and see what goes on during my cycle to see if they will run in to any problems during attempt 3 in April.
Emotionally, I am drained because I don't understand why it isn't working. I am not rich and most people are not willing to help same-sex couple finance getting pregnant and this process is not cheap because insurance does not cover the medication or the insemination procedure itself now add on purchasing donor sperm and high prices for shipping and handling really does add up. It's like I don't want to give up but I don't want to be crazy and go bankrupt trying to have children. Part of me want to accept that I may not be meant to be a parent or what if i am not or what if I am not capable of carrying a child? So many thoughts but putting it out of my mind is the only way that I can focus on daily tasks.
I tried to think that the blood test could be wrong because I have seen it where people have had cycles/periods and still be pregnant and people could have taken urine and blood test and they be negative and weeks/months later they turn up pregnant. Am I reaching??
I guess April will tell. I do apologize for the long thread but I really needed to release a lot because crying is not for me and it doesn't help me feel better-it actually makes me feel angry and sad for myself.
Have a good day!
Quinn
Approximately 2 years ago, I entered a relationship with my partner and once things got serious we decided to start a family together. We moved in and started the process to have IUI. The 1st attempt was in May 2014 with an reproductive specialist Dr. P (don't want to discredit the physician despite my experience). Dr. P had the following requirements (1) counseling for using donor sperm for me and my partner, (2) hire a family lawyer for second parent adoption, (3) take STD test. After all of that was done, we had to do our own ovulation monitoring, we went in and I received the insemination. No medicine was given as Dr. P requires 3 natural cycles before he introduces medicine (this I did not know before hand because I was provided a different story for not being prescribed medicine during cycle 1). Cycle 1 failed but me nor my partner felt right about doing a 2nd cycle with him; therefore, I found another office.
Dr. M performed our cycle 2 (which I recently had on March 7, 2015). Dr. M did a thorough exam of my ovaries, follicles, uterus, and rechecked my blood. All of this was so new to us because it didn't happen with cycle 1 under Dr. P. I will admit the x-ray of the follicles to make sure there are no issues to cause miscarriage or tube blockage was very uncomfortable but I appreciated the test. I was placed on medicine and provided ultrasounds to make sure everything was on task (which never happened at Dr. P's office). My follicle had grew to Dr. M's likening and my uterus lining was thick enough to their satisfaction and I was told to administer the trigger shot that night. I gave myself the trigger shot because my partner is squishy and couldn't give it to me or watch me inject myself (smh). We went in on 3/7/2015 and had the IUI insemination. There I learned that my cervix was shaped funny and I had to be dilated (which also did not happen with Dr. P). I laid down for about 15-20 minutes and than was told to be mobile a little and than rest.
The waiting period is what drove us up a wall. Everyday she wanted me to test and everyday I said no because I feared it would say not pregnant and I just didn't want to see that after everything I had went through and the monies spent on the procedure ($2330 per cycle).
-I really have not felt any pregnancy symptoms that most people say they have. HOWEVER, my breasts, nipples, and stomach started itching like crazy even after I put oil and/ or lotion on them.
I don't know if I have had implantation bleeding or a very light cycle. I had one period of spotting on 3/22 and on 3/23 I had a medium flow (which leads me to believe this cycle would not be a success.) I had read articles that stated you can have heavy implantation bleeding for 1 day but no clots (and I didn't have clots). None the less after that I have very very light spotting and pinkish only when I wiped but no discharge. I vomited on 3/23 as well and could not hold any food down but the nurse think that I had a small virus or bug. I took a pregnancy test on 3/24 but it stated 'not pregnant' and I went into the office on 3/26 for blood test and it also stated not pregnant. The nurse told me that if my cycle had not come on by 4/2 to retest or get an ultrasound to see if the egg is implanted.
If my cycle does start for April, than I have to decided if I would like to go to this again with cycle attempt #3 but I will stick with Dr. M. Since this was my first cycle with them and they introduced medicine, they will plan to look and see what goes on during my cycle to see if they will run in to any problems during attempt 3 in April.
Emotionally, I am drained because I don't understand why it isn't working. I am not rich and most people are not willing to help same-sex couple finance getting pregnant and this process is not cheap because insurance does not cover the medication or the insemination procedure itself now add on purchasing donor sperm and high prices for shipping and handling really does add up. It's like I don't want to give up but I don't want to be crazy and go bankrupt trying to have children. Part of me want to accept that I may not be meant to be a parent or what if i am not or what if I am not capable of carrying a child? So many thoughts but putting it out of my mind is the only way that I can focus on daily tasks.
I tried to think that the blood test could be wrong because I have seen it where people have had cycles/periods and still be pregnant and people could have taken urine and blood test and they be negative and weeks/months later they turn up pregnant. Am I reaching??
I guess April will tell. I do apologize for the long thread but I really needed to release a lot because crying is not for me and it doesn't help me feel better-it actually makes me feel angry and sad for myself.
Have a good day!
Quinn
