Name changes - opinions please!

[greeneyes27]

I got married in 2015 to my DH and we are expecting our first DD in July. I have a 6 year old DS from a previous relationship and now I'm wondering about names.

When I was married I kept my own surname as I wanted to have the same surname as my DS, however our little girl will have DH's surname and now I feel really torn. I'd love to change my name and us all be a family but then my DS may feel like I abandoned him and he won't fit in. I don't want to change his name as I think it's very important to him and would be unsettling so I'm confused!!

One thought I did have was hyphenating my last name so I have both surnames but is that just making it all too complicated?

What are your thoughts?

 

[xdxxtx]

I would definitely hyphenate the name. My mom changed her last name when she married (her previous husband died when my "half"-sister was 6). My sister was the only one in the family with her last name. She definitely felt like she didn't quite belong, and I wouldn't want my child to feel that way.

 

[Xpecta]

Have you talked to your son about it and asked him?

 

[mara16jade]

I second asking your son. He may actually want to have the same last name as his sister.

If not, then hyphenating would probably be the best solution.

 

[Mrs Dragonfly]

I think maybe I would hyphenate. And I would definitely talk to your son and ask how he feels. Would he want his sisters name, keep his fathers name.

When my half brothers mother got married, her husband adopted my brother and they changed his last name.

 

[DobbyForever]

I agree I would ask him. He may be young, but they are surprisingly reflective at 6.

My dad died when I was four, and my mom had taken his name. She met my stepdad when I was 5.5, and he has been a part of my life since (20+ years). She had twins with him when I was 9, and they took his last name. They got the brunt as adults in a gossipy community as to why they were unmarried with kids, but my mom just always explained. I think a kid called them technically bas****s once and the fury from my mom/the idc attitude of the boys put a quick end to that. They are two of the happiest, successful, well adjusted kids I know.

My mom didn't marry my stepdad until I was college and changed her name then. I'm really glad she waited until my brother and I grew up. It was isolating enough family dynamics and ethnic dynamics, it really would have f*ed me up to have my mom change her name when I was 9 and I would never let go of mine because it's my dad. It still stung as an adult, but a good night's cry and I was over it.

I'm hyper emotional though so things bother me that don't bother most people, but I just thought I would share. I think she did ask me and I told her I wanted her to keep my last name and I didn't even want her to hyphenate. I was like so hurt and offended she even considered changing it. Edit: thinking back I definitely threw a tantrum and cried and told her she didn't love me or my dad anymore and she didn't want to be my family anymore and didn't speak to her until she told me she wasn't changing it. I was (lol I still am) so dramatic

 

[red_head]

Our friends both double barrelled, so Mr and Mrs had the same double barrelled surname, which I think is lovely. You could ask your son if he would want to double barrel too. X

 

[lanet]

My husband adopted my daughter when she was 8, she wanted the name change and we kept her last name hyphenated in her middle name. She never uses it now. We have had more children and it's so nice to all have the same last name.

 

[Wish85]

I would ask your son and go from there.

 

[jasminemarie]

My SO has a last name he doesn't like, he got made fun of quite a bit growing up, and he chose to have our DS have my last name. We aren't married. This baby will also have my last name. If and when SO and ever get married, I will be hyphenaphing it because I do want his last name but I don't want my children to be like "what the heck, mom and dad?"

 

[jasminemarie]

Oh, and the last name my SO has isn't even the last name he SHOULD have, it is his stepgranfathers last name, SO's dad doesn't even have that last name and I can say he is pretty pee'd off about it. His siblings have already changed their last names because of it. So I do say I agree with the other comments, just ask your boy what he would like to do.