Naming after DH's dad

[HopefulEm]

So, I'm having an inner conflict. My husband and I are trying to pick out names. It would mean a lot to me if our child's middle name was after someone in the family they could look up to.

We already have a girl name picked out with a middle name from my side, so I told DH to pick someone from his side for the boy name. Well, he picked his dad which makes sense since we both look up to him as a great man. Problem is I don't like his dad's first or middle names!

I feel bad telling my husband we can't name the baby after his dad for that reason, plus I like the idea of naming the baby after him. I know DH's dad has another middle name (I think his Christian name) but DH doesn't remember it, and my FIL doesn't tend to use it so I don't know if it would carry the same significance. (Plus we have no way to find it out without asking directly which might give us away before we're even committed.)

Any ideas? I'm not sure if I should just try to bear with it since it's only the middle name, tell DH to pick someone else, try to get FIL's other name, or maybe try to pick a name that's inspired somehow by FIL's name? Or perhaps something completely different?

 

[HBGirl]

We are naming our baby (if its a boy) after both of our fathers. DH's Dad's name is OK, not my favorite but it means the world to DH as his father passed away just before we met.

Its a second name for you so I would go with it because it means the world to your DH.

BTW, our son will be William Brian. Brian is my Dad.

 

[HBGirl]

We are naming our baby (if its a boy) after both of our fathers. DH's Dad's name is OK, not my favorite but it means the world to DH as his father passed away just before we met.

Its a second name for you so I would go with it because it means the world to your DH.

BTW, our son will be William Brian. Brian is my Dad.

 

[kit10grl]

We had the same situation. It meant a lot to DH to use his dads middle name as our LO's middle name. I didn't like it, but in over two years now ive had to use it a handful of times, and actually liked th couple of times people have asked about it cos its unusual.

If it really means a lot to your FOB I would do it, there are bigger battles to fight than a middle name.

DS's middle name is Coventry btw

 

[wish4baby]

With my oldest son, my DH was 100% set on naming our son after him and his dad - as a first name, period! (my son is a third)
I did not like the name at all, it is not commonly used where we live (although its considered traditional and to me - at that time - an "old" person's name!)
So, after much ado, as you can imagine - neither of us was going to budge - I finally decided since its so important to my DH, we would use the darn name and i'd choose a middle name (at the time I thought I'd end up using only the middle name).
Now, the first name is so my son, it fits him perfectly and if anyone could pull it off, its him, lol! He loves his name, and he is an extremely confident, outgoing person who makes everyone around him love everything about him.
I actually really like it now too and am glad i went that route. The middle name that I loved so much just never stuck, didn't fit him like his first name and, at the time it meant the world to my DH that I "gave in" lol...everything ends up working out!!

 

[HopefulEm]

Thanks ladies! Hearing your stories really help.
I'm going to try and get used to the name DH wants. We have a few months for it to grow on me anyway.

 

[wellsk]

As you've said yourself, people's second names are barely used! So I wouldn't worry too much. Could you have two middle names? one you like and your DH's father's name?

Our daughter will have my DH's grandmothers name; Phyllis. However we wanted our baby's name to be Iris. So we put another name in the middle to make it flow a bit better

Hope this helps!

 

[Princess Lou]

Our son will have three names.

Robert - After my Grandad. He died when I was four but that's not the reason. My Mum passed away three months after our wedding and found out we were pregnant the day before the fourth anniversary of her death. If we had a girl then we would have been named after her. My Mum was very close to her Dad so we decided to go with his name.

William - After my hubby's grandfather as he died when I was 20 weeks. He was really looking forward to the birth of his first grandchild's child. We thought this would be a nice way to remember him.

John - Since at least the 1600's, the first born male on hubby's side has had this name, some have it as a first, some have it as a middle but it has never missed a generation.

I like Robert but I don't love it, I love the meaning behind it. I don't like the names William or John though but they mean so much to my hubby and will not be the one to break a 400+ year old tradition.

Sometimes we have to make sacrifices and compromise. The way I look at it, so long as you both like/love the name the child will be called, does it matter if one of you doesn't care for the other name/s if it means a lot to the other person? I know many people will disagree with me though. In an ideal world, both would love all names and when we started TTC over five years ago I agreed that both should love all names but as we never agreed on any names until recently (and we started thinking of names when we started TTC), my opinions changed.

Raising a child is going to involve a lot of sacrifices and compromises, in an ideal world, those wouldn't start with the child's name but it has to start somewhere.

Oh, we agreed on a girls name pretty much straight away and she would have been called Stephanie Tracy, but, like the father, this baby is awkward had to be a boy.

Best of luck, hope you can come to a decision soon.

 

[ickle pand]

I can't add anything to what the other ladies have said, but have you looked at your DHs birth certificate, his dads full name should be on there I think.

 

[supertabby]

WSS ^^ his dad's full name will be on your oh's birth certificate (unless he's adopted or not bio dad or something)

Unless it's a really upsetting name - ie your ex's name or name of someone really nasty you've known, I'd use the name as a middle name. It would mean a lot to your oh and I think that counts for a lot.

Not much attention is paid to middle names anyway - often we don't know the middle names of our own friends unless we're very close. In fact when I meet someone who's first name is my middle name it usually doesn't occur to me that we share a name lol.

 

[HopefulEm]

I can't add anything to what the other ladies have said, but have you looked at your DHs birth certificate, his dads full name should be on there I think.

Thanks ickle pand. It's a good thought but unfortunately his birth certificate is at his parents place which is in a different country.

 

[ickle pand]

That's a pain. How about telling a little white lie and saying you want to make a family tree for the baby and you need everyone's full names?

 

[Pearls18]

Unless the name is really unpleasant (lol) I would go with it, we are giving DS2 my step dad's name as his middle name. The name is ok, not something I would use as a first name but it's a standard middle name, but I personally really like middle names to have some siginificance and not just be chosen purely because it sounds nice, this is just what we do in our family. I am getting used to the combination now DS1 has DH's name as his middle name (a name I really like anyway) but you so rarely hear it said or see it written, he's known by his first and last names!