We hired Eleanor as our birth doula, but like your husband, my husband wasn't too sure about the whole thing. He was worried that he wouldn't be included in the labour/birth and would feel like a spare part. As you know, we tried for a home birth. It all started out rather well (besides the fact that my waters broke with no contractions and so I was getting some pressure from midwives to go to hospital for antibiotics/induction but I stood my ground- with help from Eleanor- and got things going naturally with acupuncture, reflexology and long walks). Things really started kicking off about 5pm on a saturday afternoon and by 10pm, I had Mark filling the birthing pool and had called the midwife and Eleanor.
Eleanor was there within 30 minutes. Mark and I had discussed him coming into the pool with me and once Eleanor got there, Mark jumped right in! It was fantastic having him in there with me as he rubbed my back, was something for me to lean on, etc. With Eleanor there, Mark was able to concentrate fully on me and my needs. Eleanor got us drinks and food, helped me in and out of the pool, dried me off when getting out of the pool, helped me with the contractions out of the pool (which always seemed to happen when I got out, got on the toilet, and got back down the stairs!), opened the door for the midwives (when they arrived and when they left and came back with the gas and air, etc), gave me some homeopathic remedies, got me a bowl when I needed to vomit (sorry if too much info!), reminded the midwives that I wanted to keep my placenta, reminded me to breathe, reminded me to drink and use the loo, and a myriad of other things!! It was brilliant because Mark could concentrate fully on supporting me without worrying about the peripheral stuff. As things progressed, Eleanor encouraged Mark to become more involved in comforting me- to get closer to me, put his arm around me, say encouraging things, breathe with me, etc. When Mark needed a break to go to the loo, Eleanor was there with me to get me through the contractions.
Since my waters broke nearly 48 hours before going into active labour, the midwife who was with me was twitchy about my temperature and pulse- and these actually started to rise during labour, so infection was a concern. The midwife said that we should really think about transferring into hospital, which obviously we weren't too keen on. Eleanor helped us by being our advocate and helping us talk to the midwife about the benefits, risks, and alternatives to transferring into hospital. Eleanor gave Mark the confidence to speak up and ask the pertinent questions (as I was a bit out of it!). We were able to ask the midwife to give us another half hour to see what the situation was... we were able to get a few of these extensions by being able to talk to the midwife in a rational manner, helped by Eleanor's presence. After awhile of very intense contractions in the pool, the midwife asked whether I would like a vaginal examination. I got out of the pool and Eleanor was with me during the vaginal examination (along with Mark)- at this point I was 7cm and felt that I couldn't cope anymore. This was clearly transition but I started to retreat into myself. Mark tried to comfort me but I pushed him away. After the birth, he told me that he felt a bit put out that I pushed him aside, but Eleanor got him involved back straight away. He needed this push from Eleanor as his ego was a bit hurt and if it wasn't for Eleanor, he may have kept away from me for the remainder of the labour, which would have been pretty awful for the both of us.
As the ambulance arrived (and I ran into it!!), Eleanor made sure that I was dressed, that we had our hospital bags and keys and she fetched a shirt for Mark as he was still topless at this point. Again, Mark was able to just concentrate on me without worrying about these other things. When we got into hospital, there was only time to push so the epidural I asked for was out of the question. Again, Eleanor made sure Mark was involved in the pushing period, getting him in on the action. She was another cheerleader during my pushing stage which encouraged Mark to vocalise more as well. After Eva was born, and the cord was cut, Mark had some skin-to-skin time with Eva. Eleanor stood with me and held my hand while I was checked over- Mark didn't need to worry about me and was able to spend those precious first moments with Eva.
As I lay recovering after the birth, I heard Mark say to Eleanor: "Originally, I was a bit skeptical about the need for a doula, but after all that, I really appreciated your support and felt really enabled to help Cathy, especially when the going got tough. It was reassuring to have someone experienced there that what was happening was perfectly normal." I smiled a bit to myself during this as I thought it was really sweet of him to tell Eleanor how appreciated she was throughout the process!
Overall, Eleanor was a godsend to us and really helped the BOTH of us through labour. We've talked about the "next one" (not for a while!) and we'll definitely try for another homebirth with a doula (hopefully Eleanor!). I completely understand your husband's hesitance with hiring a doula but honestly, the fact that Mark could be with me 100% without worrying about anything else was absolutely brilliant.
