Naughty children/ stress advice

[lau86]

Am I the only one that finds it all so bloody stressful?
I thought it was my children but I'm starting to think it's me. They are so naughty and demanding. I just can't take my eye off them for a second. They don't do anything particularly bad,they will fight and argue but they are not especially violent, they are kind to their sister. This is the two boys I'm talking about who are 5 and 3. They are good at school (mostly)
The way they speak to me is so rude, they will demand things even though I always ask them to say please and never give anything unless they say please. They will make a mess on purpose with their dinner and copy their sister even though they know she's a baby and doesn't understand. At bedtime they will get out of bed and mess around.
As I say it's nothing terrible but it is so constant and relentless. Every second I am with them I am directing them or trying to politely tell them not to do anything. I try hard to arrange nice activities for them and really they're probably a bit spoilt. Eg swimming lessons they don't listen to the teacher, one is jumping in when they're supposed to be sat on the side and the other is biting bits off the woggle and spitting them everywhere- why?! I just find most of the time I don't enjoy them and am waiting for them to go to bed. I try asking nicely, the naughty step, taking priveliges or toys away and nothing seems to work. Sometimes I will just reach the end of my tether and shout at them. I guess I'm wondering if everyone's life is like this, like a constant high alert for unsafe/ bad behaviour.

 

[catty]

My kids are younger but yes i feel like this at times. Some days its so nice and were all getting on so well but alot of the time its just me just constantly asking them to stop doing things over and over eughh so draining!!

One thing that has reallyyyy helped me is iv stopped going on my phone when im with them. i keep it for when there at nursery/playgroup as i found if i was on here or on fb or msging someone and they were wanting my attention id actually be annoyed at them when really of course they want my attention!
Its still alot of hard work at times but i do feel like since iv stopped going on my phone and iv stopped going and doing big cleaning jobs when there being needy that it has really improved. Maybe you dont go on your phone anyway, i really feel you though like i will set up a nice activity - maybe the motion sand and they will bicker over one particular sand mould shape and before i know it there is a full blown screaming match and sand everywhere. It has to get easier though, right?

 

[Lady_Bee]

I don't know about everyone else, but my boys are 5 and almost 3 and YES, I feel I am on high alert for chaos and destruction every second of the day and yes, it is thoroughly exhausting... I know what you mean. They do awful things sometimes, but even the little things because they are constant it is completely exhausting and by bedtime I feel like Im all knotted up with stress! It is so hard.

ETA: though it is really only my 5 year old who is causing all the stress. He has a very difficult personality and is hyperactive and explosive (the slightest frustration sets him off like a bomb...) and his chaos really dominates the household when he is home.

 

[CaptainMummy]

My girls are EXACTLY as you describe. The youngest is just as guilty as the other 2. Spend all day being a referee, trying not to shout too much and checking to see how long until bedtime.
If one so much as steps in the others direction, they start moaning and shouting at each other. Almost NEVER play together unless running at a million mph and someone always ends up getting hurt.

All of them get glowing reports from school/nursery, you know the whole 'model pupil' 'an absolute delight to teach' 'a perfect little angel' rubbish that makes me wonder what the hell am I doing so wrong that they act up so much for me!?

The only thing they can all do peacefully is crafts, playdoh, drawing, that sort of stuff. So we try to do that as much as possible... but honestly I just try to cope each day as it comes and tell myself that it will get easier (have been doing that for a while actually and still waiting!)

 

[sequeena]

It's not just you, although my sons issues are more developmental. He's 2 in an almost 6 year old body. It's got to the point where I've had to get professional help from a team of psychologists etc. He's not intentionally naughty as such he doesn't deliberately destroy things and he doesn't swear etc but everything is a battle. He's very violent without meaning to be. He just doesn't understand. Big hugs you're not alone xxxx

 

[jd83]

Yeah, my 2 are like this. There are times they get along really, really well and have a great time playing nicely. I treasure those moments....LOL. Then there are plenty of other times when they fight, yell at each other, fight over toys, throw things at each other, etc and I just feel exhausted refereeing. I end up separating them because it gets to where I just can't stand repeating myself over and over to stop fighting. I'd like to think it gets better, but I remember vividly my childhood, and fighting constantly with my own brother all the way through school,sooo....yeah. Guess I get what I deserve, right? LOL.

 

[6lilpigs]

Sounds the same as here

 

[Tanikins]

Sounds about right with my 5 year old aswell. For what you've described, I'd drag them out of swimming lessons (kicking and screaming if needs be). I warn do.x and we'll leave and if he does we do. Took a few goes but now he knows I'm serious he general toes the line

Make them clean up there own mess. Kids don't enjoy it, so will stop. Yet again it might take 3 weeks but they will eventually get bored.

Also my son was awful at using his manners. Now he doesnt get reminded. If he say can I have a drink I will continue to sit untill he says can I have a drink please.

 

[lau86]

In a way it's good to know I'm not alone. It all makes me feel quite down and I'm not sure if that's just 3 children, (dd is a proper toddler now not a baby), or whether it's me and I have a bit of depression or something.

 

[lindseymw]

Unfortunately my two are a bit older (8 & 5) are they are similar. At home; constant bickering, arguing etc. All I get is "Joshua called me this, Jacob said this, but he did this first" on repeat...

At school / swimming, they are generally good. Jacob, we've had to have words (not doing his work, he has 'looking busy whilst not actually doing anything' down to a T!) at school but on whole not too bad. Joshua absolutely perfect outside of home!

 

[loeylo]

Oh dear, I feel like this already and I only have a single toddler!

My issue is that I'm so busy working full time that when I get home I'm so bloody tired that all I want to do is have a half hour to myself, then she is climbing all over me, and I just feel really stressed all the time! She wants my attention all evening which is understanding because she hasn't seen me all day, but I want to do nice quiet things with her and all she wants to do is run and jump and spin, which makes me feel really guilty! Do you work a lot by any chance?

I really wish I could be at home more and enjoy her, she's tired when I get up for work and then tired again within a few hours of me coming home, so she just seems to be a grump the entire time, when in fact she's lovely all day. When I'm at work!

 

[calm]

I too get exhausted and stressed. My DH's aunt said that the moment she gets her daughter to bed its better than an orgasm I know how she feels! I have twin boys that are nearly 2 and a half. Some days are better than others, like today was not too stressful and there were loads of lovely moments of them playing together, hugs, cute remarks and feeling they have learnt something. Other days when they seem to be naughty for no reason, and fight, and have tantrums non stop, and I'm tired, I just want to fast forward my day til its time for them to go bed. Its often such a precious experience, but then again, its often not lol I find that if i've had a chance to destress and rest a bit, I enjoy my children so much more, and have more patience etc but that is not always possible.

 

[lau86]

I think my 3 yr old is the crux of the problem, I think if I didn't have him it would be fine. I've changed the swimming so it's on a Saturday and hubby can come to help. My 3 yr old goes to preschool on a Monday (as my older son did and ds will too), he is saying he doesn't want to go and wants to be with me. But he's with me on a Friday and it doesn't feel like he wants to be with me! He is jealous of dd but I'm not sending her to nursery just because he is jealous. We have one on one time but at obviously not as much as if there were less children. He loves his brother and sister but I think wants the best of both worlds. I don't know what to do. Maybe I should adjust his days so he goes two half days instead of one full day

 

[Twag]

YES I am actually talking Kalms etc trying to deal with myself as I find I have a very short tether - my DS who is 3 is such hardwork I work full time and I am exhausted (DD still has yet to sleep through the night) and so I lose it with him quickly when he is being a nightmare!

I read something the other day which really helped me and that was that children play up most for their mothers because you are their safe place where they feel the most loved and safest that they can release all the tension & stresses of their day but know that we will still love them!

This really helped me and also I read something and now I keep repeating it to myself when he is being a d1ck "He is having a hard time"

Since reminding myself of these things and repeating this I find I can calm down and deal with him better

If not I remove myself or him from being near me just to breathe - I want to enjoy my time with him not dread it

 

[stardust599]

Yes!

Mine are 6years 5months (girl) and 4years 8months (boy)

It's very hardgoing and stressful. Same as other Mums are saying - they are model children at school/nursery with glowing reports and they don't do anything particularly awful and are kind/polite etc with others. But they do fight, whine, make a mess, help themselfs to snacks and refuse dinner, answer back, tantrum etc. constantly.

My younger one is not safe for a minute - he climbs, jumps, runs at roads, opens the car door, throws tantrums etc. He is at 2 nurseries and neither have any concerns about him saying that many 4 year old boys are similar. My eldest is easier and more trustworthy/safe now but does fight something awful with her brother and winds him up on purpose.

Both are disrespectful of me and our house and rude but would never dream of speaking to another adult like that or treating another house the way they do here.

I have success with the naughty step when I stick to it. Toy confiscations etc. don't work for us.

I would try and deal with one thing at a time -

The swimming thing I wouldn't tolerate. One warning and then I'd have removed them for 5 mins (without another warning) and if it happened again I'd have removed them and ended the lesson.

The pre-school issue I would explain gently that he got to stay home with Mum when he was babys age so everybody gets the exact same and keep making this point. My eldest gets jealous as my youngest is at home with me all day Monday while she's at school (I work the other days so both are at school/nursery Tues-Fri). They were quite a lot of tears when this first started in January but after about the 4th Monday and I'd kept on explaining that when she was 4 she stayed home too she accepted it. It sounds bad but I don't do anything exciting with youngest on a Mon as then feel like eldest is missing out so I wait until the weekend!

I'm strict on sleep as they are 10 times worse when they are tired.

I sometimes make empty threats (stopping screentime or cancelling something) which really makes it worse as they don't think I am serious when I threaten punishment - I think it's supposed to be really important to follow through and would help us.

You aren't alone. My sister have 3 boys 10,6 and 4 who fight endlessly and I'm very friendly with a lot of the Mums from school who's kids look perfect but they will tell me that they are exactly the same as mine. Hugs xx

 

[MrsT&Ben]

I am so glad I read this post.
This is my two! Drives me up the wall. My son turned 7 last week and my daughter is 2 & 1/2. I've been feeling guilty about leaving their dad 18 months ago and putting all their behaviour issues on that. But I think it's just being children. The worse time of day for me is after school before they've had dinner. I try my best to be there with my son but he's so shouty and loud I can't bear it. So then he turns on his sister and they spend the next hour fighting. I'm a single parent so I have no choice but to let them get on with it as we'd never eat! I'm hoping one day they'll get on or just learn to ignore each other ��!

 

[Rhea Santiago]

I really need some advice also from my fellow mom's out there. I have a 4 year old son and I am so stress out every time he throws some tantrums during the day. I read many articles on how to discipline a toddler but I think, it doesn't work well for me. Maybe because I spoiled him a lot and my husband as well. My sisters told me to spank my child in order for him to know the consequences of doing bad things and I can't see any progress about it. Probably because of his age that's why he is acting like this but I want to discipline him already at a young age. I know tantrums are normal for toddlers like mine but he is really showing a grumpy face most of the time and likes to kick and hit me and other people who is living with us. Hoping someone can give me a piece of advice.Thanks.

 

[littlejenx]

Omg u are me! My boys are 5 and 3 and are exactly the same except I don't do stuff like swimming lessons with them as that sounds so stressful!! I also have a daughter nearly 6 months. Not much advise but your not alone!