nearly 12 year old and facebook

[pixiewicks]

well my daughter is nearly 12 in october, she has just moved up to big school, and it seems everytime she is on facebook she is getting some type of abuse from girls that are in her year. I am fed up of her being called a slag as she broke up with a "boyfriend" of two weeks(all very innocent!), and them talking really nasty to her, why can't girls be nice, i take over the conversation as her mum and the girls back down but i am so fed up of it, I feel bad taking her off it as she has some nice friends on there, just don't know what to any advice???

 

[chiapso]

I dislike facebook but can see how a 12 year old would need it. Maybe give her the choice to delete people who she doesn't want to associate with keep her nice friends and block the rest.

My uncle did something clever, my cousin is 9 and another of 12 he added them to face book he made for the dog, so he can keep a check on them but it's not like having your dad on there. But I would defiantly help your daughter to make choices rather than you deciding for her not to be there.

Girls are nasty sometimes and it would be great for her to learn to ignore,delete and know what's good for her now I think it gets worse as high school goes on.

Good luck Hun

 

[flower74]

Sorry to sound like the Facebook police but the required age is 13 and I feel it's 13 for reasons like what your poor daughter is going through.

My 11 and 9 year old sons are desperate for an account but I'm not budging. I work in a school and see the age requirement as a child protection issue too, all sorts of weirdos can access info through facebook.

I'm sorry I can't help with your situation other than for her to deactivate her account for a period of time and delete all the so called spiteful/nasty friends before activating again.

 

[x_Carly_x]

I think the blocking and deleting off the people making the nasty comments should be the way forward, and just monitor the friends etc she has on there. Just make sure that her privacy settings are at the highest they can be!

 

[seoj]

I think 12 is a bit young for FB... to be honest. We ONLY allowed our 13yr old to have one cause that was the age limit, and truly, we didn't like it-- but her mom (who she only see's every other weekend) wanted to set one up for her, and really, even if we said NO, she would have done it anyway... so we just agreed and we have the login/password so we can regularly check her page and delete anything we don't like. But if she was being harassed on it- I would delete it all together. Kids get enough of that crap in school... and don't need to be exposed to it online. I would, however, make sure to copy the things the girls are saying or keep track and know WHO they are so you can go to the principal at school if needed. Harassment, even online, at my kids school is NOT tolerated. And parents are advised to keep a close eye on what their kids are doing while on FB or other social sites.

The other option is to delete those particular girls and block them from even seeing your daughter online... although, if they have friends of friends, sometimes they will find a way to find her regardless. It's best to protect your daughter however you deem necessary...

I'm sorry she is going through this. My kid has some mean girls at school who like to call her names- cause she is cute and outgoing and has lots of guy friends and has no issue talking to boys... and other girls think that means she is this or that... it's SO frustrating as a parent to hear about.

 

[cowboys angel]

Easy fix. 12 is too young, the FB guidelines say 13 and I'm not sure how I would feel about that age for my kids (neither of which are anywhere near old enough).

But if you deem it right to allow her to keep it, go into her securities. Lock it down totally, make sure everything is only viewable by friends, and wipe people out of her friends list.

Honestly I'd just delete her account.

 

[~RedLily~]

I would delete these girls, if this was to cause more issues for you daughter at school though you could put them into a group and hide everything from them so it just appears that your daughter isn't online and then have them set to not being able to write on her wall.

 

[LovingYou]

yep 12 is definitely too young IMO. My niece is 10 and "tried" to make a Facebook twice. she got in huge trouble and it was deleted. Facebook requirements are 13

 

[holly2234]

I would delete these girls, if this was to cause more issues for you daughter at school though you could put them into a group and hide everything from them so it just appears that your daughter isn't online and then have them set to not being able to write on her wall.

Totally agree with this. It could cause more problems at school to delete them but if theyre in a group that cant see anything or post then the nastyness should stop. That way it doesnt ruin her connection with good friends.

 

[Laniinthesky]

I was just browsing the other forums on Bnb and saw your post

I used to get nasty stuff all the time on facebook at her age.
If you have kept all the conversations. print them off exacly as the page shows it. and take them into her school headteacher. they have a responsibility to act when a pupil is being cyber bullied by others.

If your daughters hesitent to let you do that, Just tell her everythings going to be ok and its the best way to get it resolved.
Her school should act swiftly. and if she gets anymore abuse in or out of school they will have to keep stepping in.

hope this helps
xx

 

[mazzalooo]

my younger sister went through the same problem although the age is required to be 13, my sister still went on it as everyone else were doing the same thing, it must just be that age were they want to be grown up. As for the girls my sister just blocked and reported them as they were abusive, it also got that far they were cyber bullying! my mum printed out what they were saying and took it to the teachers the school she went to takes bullying seriously so they were on a warning and put in isolation ,the following week they got removed from the school.
only thing i could advise if it carries on go in to school and show them what they have said xxx

 

[saitiffeh]

Under "Registration and Account Security" in Facebook's terms of service, 12 year olds aren't even allowed to have an account as there is no way of confirming parental consent.

If you insist on letting her keep it, then modify her privacy settings and reduce her friends list for her to the kids you know are alright. Personally, I'd deactivate the account until she was 13.

 

[FiNZ]

Facebook has been a huge problem for us. Kids find it all too easy to bully and be downright nasty when they're hiding behind their computer. My only suggestion is that you check her privacy settings to make sure nobody not on her friends list can view her wall, posts or photos, and go through her friends list with her and encourage/force (haha) her to delete all the little cows that are causing her grief.

I have printed out pages before and made the school aware of who is saying what. Despite the fact your daughter might be unpopular for a day or two because of your intervention, eventually the girls will learn to leave her alone. Please take it from me, who had to put up with my daughter being bullied by the same person for 3 years, that sometimes you do need to step in and take steps to put a stop to behaviour like that.

And just remind your daughter that it's because you love her that you can't just sit back and watch her get hurt unnecessarily.

 

[JohnsPrincess]

Honestly, I'd contact their parents. They're bullying her and that's just not okay!

 

[Dimples81]

there is a minimum age for facebook to be used legally , 12 is well below it. It is to stop things like this happening. I would delete her account and contact the school. We have had the police involved over things like this at our school as it
is taken really seriously by schools now.

 

[JASMAK]

I know many 8 year olds on FB!! My son is 8, and lots of his friends are on FB (Jasper is not allowed). I think that there is bullying no matter where you go...and FB is just the 'new' way of doing it. But, the problem with FB, is it isn't gossiping to a couple girls behind the bleachers about so-and-so, it's publishing it to possibly hundreds of people who it can then be shared with hundreds more. It's defamation of character! I would call the mother, but also, I used to work for the police and they took calls all the time from parents of children being bullied online, and they delt with it swiftly and took it seriously. I think it is important to teach OUR OWN children the consequences of writing things online for others to see...it is our responsibility as parents to make sure that our children are not only not being bullied, but not bullying others too!!! We need to teach them this!

 

[Ribbleroo]

We may have just been lucky but our kids have all been allowed FB when they reached 12.

Having said that we have been involved in setting up their security settings to make sure only the people they what can see their info and photos. We also stayed interested and looked at their FB with them from time to time.

We did also insist that they only add real friends and not just people they had met a few times or someone in their class whose name they know.

 

[emsie_123]

Working in a secondary school I know 90% of the kids have facebook in year 7. This makes it difficult as a parent to forbid the child to use facebook. When parents ring (this happens weekly, eventhough facebook has got nothing to do with school) and informs school that their daughter is being called tramp, slag and even more faul words, I usually print the "evidence" off with the girl being bullied, then I sit down with the girls sending these msgs and inform them that this is actual bullying and if it happens again, the papers will be sent home to their parents. For 3 years, this has never failed.

If your child has a kind assistant headteacher / tutor / head of year/house, you might want to ask if they can do this for you?

 

[Novabomb]

Facebook is the devil I also think that she is to young for facebook . I have a 11 yr old daughter and she enjoys CLUB PENGUIN and she has friends on their I think it is more age appropriate

 

[Chuchu]

Haven't read previous comments btw so sorry if i'm just repeating what someone else has said

I think 12 is too young for facebook, however, I don't disagree with it. Most of her peers are likely to have it, and communicate with eachother out of school, so taking it away altogether would probably make more problems.
Can you not just block/unfriend the bullies? Or change your daughters privacy settings so that just her friends can contact her through facebook?
And speak to a teacher?

Hope everything sorts itself out soon