Nearly 5 year old DD wants to live with dad

[Louise88]

I wrote a thread a while ago about this aswell, me and my ex split up this time last year and he moved 6hrs away for a job. My DD has always been for her dad and took us splitting up really hard she has a bad attitude towards me and most days I honestly think she hates me. Since her dad moved out she has constantly gone on about wanting to live with her dad. Today my ex told me that he would happily have her live with him as words getting back to him from friends etc. About how I'm struggling with her (which I am) and how she has no respect etc. Last week i caught her whispering in her little brothers ear telling him no one likes him and no one loves him i ended up shouting at her she seems very jealous of James aswell and i dont kbow why as i have girly days with her etc. Without James and i treat them the same. DD is over the moon that daddy has told her she can go live with him of she wants and she doesn't seem bothered that she'd only see me during school holidays and some weekends. Her going to live with her dad though means splitting the kids up as James is very much all for me. I have read so much online very mixed messages some saying their to young to make that decision or know who they want to live with and others saying that if it's what they want they should let them. I am trying to work out what's best for her, and how it could effect her mentally if I say no or if I say yes. Part of me wants to tell my ex to leave it another year and see if she changes her mind or if I can fix my relationship with her but I'm so confused so much going through my head 🙁 what I don't want is for her to go then change her mind.

 

[StillPraying]

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this that would totally break my heart. But honestly, it may do everyone some good to let her go stay with him. Perhaps don't move her permanently but just for the summer or a few weeks and see how it goes? She may change her mind when she's away from you. Don't beat yourself up over it hon, kids don't know what they are saying and splitting up is so very confusing to them. Perhaps she thinks that her daddy is going to let her get away with more or something like that.
Honestly I'd let her go for a bit and see how it works out. But you as a mommy know best

 

[Eleanor ace]

That must be so, so hard! I would enlist professional help in making the decision; a child psychologist to work with your DD and with you as a family to help you make the best decision for your DD, your DS (who will of course be impacted by the decision) and help you to feel more confident in whichever decision you make. Also I guess it will help down the line if your DD rails against whichever decision you make; you will be able to show that really did what seemed best

 

[Louise88]

Thankyou for your replies, they both go stay with their dad during school holidays so she's spent time down there with both him and his new partner and her daughter, both of them work and have a house so it would deffinatly be more secure for her as I'm currently going back to college and hopefully uni next year. I have suggested with my ex that we leave it a year and come back to the discussion as id hate for her to move down there then change her mind so I need to know it's what she truely wants and that she understands what moving to daddy's means (new school, away from me and her brother etc.)

 

[_jellybean_]

I agree about seeing someone to talk to about this, since it's such a big decision. Is there any possible way that your ex could move closer? Six hours seems so far to me. I wouldn't be able to do it...to be away from my little one. It must be really hard for your ex, too. What about you moving to where he is, so the kids can have both parents nearby? Is that an option, even if it makes life more difficult? Sounds like your little girl is having a really hard time.