Need advice about terrified Grandma-To-Be...

[sue_88]

Hi All

Today I learnt that my little lady has decided to do her back flip after 6 weeks of giving me a fright by being breech....she's now head down

And I had my Homebirth appointment today and the kit is now sitting in my house!

I decided that I wanted to invite my mum to this appointment (I don't have any partner so she'll be at the birth) to ask any questions she has because I know that she has been nervous about my choice of a homebirth.

She knows it's my choice, and has said that she is supportive but during my appointment today she got really upset infront of my midwives and said that she is terrified of something going wrong. I really hate my mum being upset - it breaks my heart so of course I then burst into tears.

She's so frightened because she was also a very low risk pregnancy with me but when I was born the cord was looped around my neck, I was pulled out with forceps and whisked off to SCBU incubator. We tried explaining that a situation like this would have been picked up in plenty of time at home and a blue light trasnfer would have been organised and I would be in hospital.

I told her she can't be frightened becuase I'm not, my midwives also explained all monitoring and checks etc and equipment to her to try and calm her down.

Besides now completely avoiding talking about anything to her (she has a copy of my birth plan which she's read) should I just now wait for the time to come and then call her to come over? Hopefully the excitement of Millie arriving will stop any (or as many as possible) worries she may have, or should I try and talk to her about her fears (which would definitely result in more tears)?

I trust my body, I trust Millie, and I trust my midwives. I don't want my Mum's fears or negativity to get to me, so any advice for me to try and overcome someone being terrified at my birth choice? I just keep getting upset now about how worried my Mum is, but I can't make my decision based on her fears.

 

[Toms Mummy]

Tough one! Your labour will progress much better if you are relaxed, this is one of the reasons why home births are a popular choice. You need to ask yourself will you be relaxed with your mother there or will you be worrying about her the whole time?.... If she can't relax about the idea then I would be considering having another birth partner x

 

[sue_88]

Thanks but she will definitely be there regardless. This is her & my dads first grandchild and it would completely crush them if they weren't there when she was born.

I also don't have any friends round here who I can ask, the people I do know are pregnant and due at the same time.

I'm thinking I'll just not mention it again, all talk of Millie arriving will be upbeat and happy! Mum seems fine now she's got home & been texting me as normal so hopefully her fears will be kept inside and on the actual day we'll be too focused on welcoming our baby Millie.

I'm a bit calmer now too! I do hate getting upset!

 

[Toms Mummy]

There's some great homebirth videos on youtube which might help. I hope she calms down about the idea x

 

[lynnikins]

Lots of babies are born with the cord around their neck some several times or around the body, its not an emergancy situation and the actions of the MW at home would be the same as at the hospital, to unloop the cord if they can see it and its loose enough, babies dont need to breathe till after the placenta detaches as they are receiving oxogen via their blood till that point. Perhaps get your mother to write down what shes worried about specifically so you can help her deal with those fears

 

[aliss]

My mom was the same. She realized it was okay as she saw things progress. Because of what happened with you, I think she would be just as scared even in a hospital. I'm sure she is reliving some birth trauma.

 

[sue_88]

My mom was the same. She realized it was okay as she saw things progress. Because of what happened with you, I think she would be just as scared even in a hospital. I'm sure she is reliving some birth trauma.

This is what I've been thinking.

At the end of the day I'm still her baby about to go through something that nearly ended my life. I just think she's terrified in general with all these memories flooding back.

She knows that the second one of my midwives suggests it isn't going to plan I will not refuse transfer. I'll be guided fully by my midwives, and just hope the excitement of Millie arriving will calm her somewhat.


Mothers hey!

 

[aliss]

Hey, maybe seeing a wonderful home birth will help her heal I had birth trauma from my 1st and the fantastic home birth with #2 really healed.

 

[BunnyN]

My MIL was pretty terfified about me having a home birth. She also wanted to be at the birth but I'm not as brave as you, I said no. I knew calm was really important for me. Our LO was born with the cord round her neck. It was actually too tight to get off over the head like normal so I had to deliver the shoulders first but it was done very quickly and skilfully by the MW.