Need advice! How to tell my friend...

[pradabooties]

My friend that's planning my shower has shown me all the decorations etc she has organised for it and I hate to sound like a difficult pregnant woman but she's gone against everything I said... Initially I was just planning my own party but she offered to throw it for me and promised she would keep the planning I had done. I really personally detest novelty items and stereotypical pink for girl kind of things so I had planned a really relaxed garden party themed event with soft colours like white and yellow. I do really appreciate her help but she's actively just decided to ignore my request and has bought absolutely everything pink and tacky... At first I thought it's really not a big deal and I won't say anything but it is a tad annoying that she's knowingly styled the event exactly how she knows I don't want it.

If you were in this position would you say anything? And how? We had a whole Pinterest board with things we loved for it so I feel like maybe I could just draw her attention to that? I really don't want to upset her but the way things are going this shower is just going to be her style and not at all mine

 

[winterbabies3]

Oh no!! I'm sorry. Its very fustrating when things are not taken into consideration after they have already been brought up. I'm not great with confrontation but I hope your shower goes as you planned. Maybe go buy all of your decorations and if it comes up that she already got it mention the fact you don't like all pink? I planned my first shower and loved it, I'm a bit of a control freak. My second was planned by other and yes it was nice but not what I would have done. Good luck. Xx

 

[pradabooties]

Thank you for understanding! And yes I'm a bit of a control freak too haha. It's just upsetting knowing the way things are planned right now I would hate the look of my own shower I think she'd be way too offended if I went and bought all new decorations but I do have things I already had that I want to use so I was thinking maybe I'll send photos to her saying I really want to use them and I feel like some of the items she bought clash with the style? At least then maybe some of the stuff she got could be returned. I know I sound so ungrateful!

 

[skyesmom]

maybe write her an email with a chillaxed tone, like: hey dear, i found these on pinterest, i'd really love to have something along these lines, what do you think? with the same innocence she's showed you her pink tacky decorations. i totally get you on being put off by someone who knows you well and still makes your baby shower their own party. :/ hope it all goes well!

 

[pinkpassion]

I'm sorry, I understand why you'd be frustrated , but at the same time it's a gift party, I'd just roll with it! I've never heard of someone throwing their own shower before! But I'd just enjoy the time and the attention you'll receive that day and in hindsight it's really not a big deal!

 

[Misscalais]

ive never had a proper baby shower we have just done bbqs and things lol but my sister has offered to do one for me and we are doing a high tea. I will love what ever she does. But if you have already shown her what you were going to do and the style you liked im not sure why she has gone and done something you didn't want. I think you should have a little get together and sort it out.

 

[Monix]

I agree with pinkpassion. What if you just let her take care of everything and enjoyed the party with your friends

Personally, I wouldn't ask her to change it. I organized a bridal shower over the summer for a friend, so I know how much work/time/money/effort/thought goes into it. I definitely would have felt hurt if my friend told me she didn't like what I did. But maybe I'm just too sensitive. I thought the idea of a shower was to take care of everything for your friend and don't let the bride/mother-to-be worry about anything.

If you really want to use the decorations & style you came up with maybe you could plan another get together to welcome your baby once it's born?

 

[SaraVO]

I agree with pinkpassion. What if you just let her take care of everything and enjoyed the party with your friends

Personally, I wouldn't ask her to change it. I organized a bridal shower over the summer for a friend, so I know how much work/time/money/effort/thought goes into it. I definitely would have felt hurt if my friend told me she didn't like what I did. But maybe I'm just too sensitive. I thought the idea of a shower was to take care of everything for your friend and don't let the bride/mother-to-be worry about anything.

If you really want to use the decorations & style you came up with maybe you could plan another get together to welcome your baby once it's born?

I'm in agreement here. And there could be circumstances that you're not considering. Like she loves you and wants you to be happy but is working within a budget? Or she is overjoyed at your baby girl for a personal reason and just got swept up in the pink when she was buying the decorations? But I for one wouldn't complain about the effort time and expense someone especially a friend close enough to offer to throw you a party has put in. Your decorations can be used at the baptism reception or at a later party when the baby has arrived.

My best friend and mother have already gotten together to discuss and start planning my shower. I have asked no questions and have made no requests. I'm just hoping to find a pretty dress to wear and I've been told that I need to have my registry done by December 15th.

I get that you have a vision and you wanted to plan it yourself but I don't really think that people throw themselves a party when presents are expected. I would let it go and concentrate on styling your nursery which lasts much longer than a party any way.

 

[meg_bellamy]

I think you'll forget about it and have a great time anyway
My work threw me a baby shower and I had mentioned a lot I hate stereotypical blue for boys (before I knew they were throwing me a shower). My last day at work they had the party for me and everything was in blue, but I couldn't care less as it was a really fun special time with my friends

 

[Mushymilkfor2]

I wild definitely be frustrated, but I wouldn't say anything. I know in the end it doesn't really matter what the decorations are. It's about celebrating this amazing life you're creating. And as the mother to be sitting back and relaxing and enjoying some pampering and gifts. The decor is no big deal.

 

[pradabooties]

Thanks for your replies everyone! We won't be having a baptism or party after the baby arrives so this is it and I think why I'm feeling so stressed about it / wanting it to be a perfect milestone.

I did end up talking to my friend - I discussed it with my mother first (it's being held at her house) and described what my friend had organised for it and my mum was significantly more unhappy about it than I even was. The things she planned were just so blatantly what she would want at her shower and so unlike me or anything I like. So knowing both my mum and I would be unhappy with how the event was I decided to speak to her and she 100% understood and saw what I meant. It's actually saved her money anyway because half the problem was she just bought way too much and it was going to be really cluttered so she's happy!

 

[winterbabies3]

Glad it worked out. I would get her a gift for doing this for you =p

 

[meg_bellamy]

you're lucky to have an understanding friend I'm glad it is all working out

 

[jessmke]

Wow. If my friend put the time and money into throwing me a shower I would be grateful no matter if the party reflected my tastes or not. Glad your friend was understanding when you discussed your concerns with her.

 

[MyFavSurprise]

That's great that she was so understanding! Pregnancy is stressful and at this point it may even be part of your nesting and getting ready for baby and I understand why it's important to you to have things done as you've pictured..it's pretty much like your baby's first party, and you were originally planning it yourself before she suggested she take over which is very nice of course too. I'm glad it went well for both of you : )

 

[Rachel89]

I agree with pinkpassion. What if you just let her take care of everything and enjoyed the party with your friends

Personally, I wouldn't ask her to change it. I organized a bridal shower over the summer for a friend, so I know how much work/time/money/effort/thought goes into it. I definitely would have felt hurt if my friend told me she didn't like what I did. But maybe I'm just too sensitive. I thought the idea of a shower was to take care of everything for your friend and don't let the bride/mother-to-be worry about anything.

If you really want to use the decorations & style you came up with maybe you could plan another get together to welcome your baby once it's born?

But would you feel just as hurt if your friend literally told you what she wanted, showed you the things she bought, what she had already planned, and you taking it upon yourself to step in and say I see what you have done, the style you are going for and that you want to plan and pay for your own shower, but I will take over anyway and follow through with your plans?

But then to change everything? When you said you would follow her plans and things she has purchased?


It's not like she wanted someone else to plan or buy things for her showerparty, this friend took it upon herself knowingly that she already organized/purchased things. I don't think her friend should take any offense.


She knew what she was getting herself into, that is how I see it. And honestly considering she was going to throw her own shower I would speak up and say something. Or else she might look back and always regret it.

 

[pradabooties]

Thanks Rachel89 I'm glad you completely get it.

I understand why people would feel the opposite way though, for a lot of situations it probably would've been inappropriate to react the way I did. But yes, I have no sisters or friends with children, none of my friends have even been to a baby shower yet haha so I was fine with throwing my own shower (I'm not a teen mum, I'm 24, just none of my friends have got onto having babies quite yet).

My friend mentioned I've been friends with for 12 years and we know eachother very well. Which is why I knew saying something wouldn't personally offend her and also why I know she definitely listened to what I wanted then just decided to style it her own style lol. I know to a lot of people it sounded like I was just shooting down her vision and efforts but it's more like I was speaking up against her making the event her style deliberately.

Anyway, it's all sorted now and her and I are both happy with it but yes I can see why some people think I'm a bit crazy for saying anything