Need Advice please and lots of it

Discussion in 'Pregnancy - Second Trimester' started by emma2107, Jun 5, 2011.

  1. emma2107

    emma2107 Member

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    Hi My partner of 8 years says he doesn't want to be a dad, I am 17 weeks pregnant and I made my choice a long time ago that no matter what I am keeping the baby.

    Any way I have suggested counselling but I'm not sure if this is going to help or not.

    He has said some very nasty and hurtful things since we found out about the baby and I'm not sure if I can forget these things or not.

    Its all such a mess I am really confused and part of me thinks that he is only agreeing to counselling so as to be seen as going through the motions of trying but not actually wanting to try and make it work.

    OR are my emotions making me look at the negatives too much and not being able to see the wood from the trees.

    Feeling so confused I don't want to make a rash decision that I might regret which is why I have let this go on so long but its killing me all this uncertainty and nastiness.
    Help
     
  2. Munchkin30

    Munchkin30 1 DD,2 losses, Pregnant!!

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    Hey hon. Tricky situation but i've heard a lot that once men feel baby kick, and as time progresses and baby is born they can often get used to it and come round to it and get really enthusiastic! I'd find it really hard but if you are patient and don't try and push him too much it might work??
    xx
     
  3. Munchkin30

    Munchkin30 1 DD,2 losses, Pregnant!!

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    Hey hon. Tricky situation but i've heard a lot that once men feel baby kick, and as time progresses and baby is born they can often get used to it and come round to it and get really enthusiastic! I'd find it really hard but if you are patient and don't try and push him too much it might work??
    xx
     
  4. Shiv

    Shiv Mummy to Sophia and Cora

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    Didn't want to read and run.............it can be very scary facing up to the fact you are going to be a parent. your OH wouldn't be the first man to freak out at first. There is every chance he will come round to the idea, but I guess there is also a chance that he won't and that you will be raising your baby without him. Whatever happens you'll do a great job. COunselling sounds like a good plan, take him on face value, that he wants to participate fully until (and if) he proves otherwise.

    And don't make any rash decisions, pregnancy hormones can make us think all sorts of things. Things will work out for the best, and you will have a gorgeous little baby :hugs:
     
  5. mum2liam

    mum2liam Well-Known Member

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    hi Emma,

    Without sounding harsh, and if i do i apoligise, but its taken him until now to decide he dosnt want to be a dad!
    i went through something a little similar, and regret the decision that i made, and will never forgive myself for it.
    your right not to make any rash choices.
    to me, the only option is for him to deal with it, maybe give him a little time. its a horrible situation for you to be in, and i think councilling is a good start,

    sorry im not much cope with good advice,
    hope everything turns out the way you hope xx
     
  6. Dollface

    Dollface Thank you Jesus!

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    Not being ugly, but if he didn't want a baby, why didn't he protect himself? I mean, it's too late now, right? I'm sorry you have to deal with this during what should be a wonderful time for you. But I agree with the others don't do anything irrational right now. Hormones are screwy anyway. Men are strange. My neice in law got preg at 16, and her dad was determined she would abort. When my sister and nephew (baby's daddy) tried to talk him out of making her, he said it was just a spot of blood and it would be taken care of the next day. Well, that spot of blood is a 3 year old boy that has "Pap" wrapped around his finger. Sometimes they have to get things out of their system, and regroup. Try the counselling, and if it don't work, kick him to the curb! Your baby needs you to be as stress free as possible. God bless you, and good luck!
     
  7. jac33

    jac33 Well-Known Member

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    you'd think after being together so long he'd stand by you, did he not want kids?
     
  8. ahcigar1

    ahcigar1 Happy Mother of 1

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    I didn't want to read and run. I'm sorry you are having to go through this especially during this time. Counseling may help. It did for my husband and I. It definitely couldn't hurt. And maybe your boyfriend is just scared. Try giving him a little time. Hope things get better for you.
     
  9. jacks mummy

    jacks mummy Well-Known Member

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    hi darling i hope ur ok! nobody needs this especially when pregnant!! :hugs: all i can say is what i experianced with my oh we had been together for 3years when i fell pregnant with my son i was 19 he was 20 we were not planning on a baby at all at the time we were both working and had our own place. anyway i found out at about 7weeks gone and didnt tell anyone for 3weeks because i wanted to be sure that nobody would sway me to do the wrong thing i decided to keep him and when i told my oh he was not happy
    first he said i was lieing so i thru my tests at his head
    second he said i did it to trap him and i was out to ruin his life.. er i dnt think so! lol
    he said some other pretty nasty things then went and stood looking out of the window i told him he didnt have to help bring up the baby that e could leave and i would do it on my own anyway he said he could never leave me blah blah blah
    then the whole pregnancy he did as he should came to scans came shopping with me ect but his heart wasnt in it and i new it. he didnt mention baby off his own back or anything but when it came to giving birth he was there for me at the hospital for over 40hours and when our so was born he cried like a baby and couldnt take his eyes off him! he adored jack from the moment he was born and hes the perfect daddy to him and he tells me hes sorry alot for how he was when i was pregnant with him! this time baby was planned and it was his choice really he brought up the idea hes wonderful and goes gets me chocolate at 10.30pm runs my baths cooks me tea talks about baby ect i couldnt ask for more..
    so all im saying is could u try hang in there till baby is born and see how he is??? i no its hard but it could work out if not then hes a dick and dosnt deserve his baby and u will cope just fine on ur own but from my experiance when baby gets here it changes everything!!! good luck sweetheart xxxx
     
  10. emma2107

    emma2107 Member

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    We have spoken about it early on and he did. He now says he said he didn't and told me that to be honest he has turned out to be a bit of a coward (in my eyes)and probably just said what he thought I wanted to hear at the time.
     
  11. jac33

    jac33 Well-Known Member

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    your not a mind reader, he should have told you if he really didn't want kids. maybe it will just take time and he'll come around, hope your ok x
     
  12. emma2107

    emma2107 Member

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    Hi,
    I just wanted to say thanks and a special thanks to jacksmummy I did reply before but it said it was going to a moderator not sure why, what you described is so like my current situation and has made me feel that there might be some hope for us to be a family. It is going to be very hard to get through these next 4 + months but thanks to you I now feel like it might be worth doing my best to get through it and hope for a happy ending.
    Thank you for sharing your experience it means so much right now I had been feeling really down and maudlin but although not jumping for joy feel it might be worth it in the end. :))
    That isn't to say I haven't appreciated all of the other advice and comments because I have thank you all. :))
     
  13. Kasia

    Kasia Well-Known Member

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    My stepsons mom (whom I'm very close to after 10 yrs) had a baby in dec. The father a lot younger than her told her to have an abortion when she told him she was pregnant & left the state. He called her last night CRYING that he made a mistake and wants to be ib their sobs life & is coming back. It took a while but he came around & she didn't push the situation. So you never know how things will turn out. Keep your head up & try to stay positive.:hugs:
     

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