need advice pls on my 11 yo son!!!

[adriansgirl]

My 11 yr old is being so mean to his brother who is 9. They were supposed to be cleaning there room and I was spying and he told his brother he wasnt cleaning fast enough and kicked him! He is always bulling him aroung and I am at my wits end. I have never spanked them and we are not a voilent family. His father and I seperated over 5 yrs ago and he did not treat me right but my son doesnt remember alot of that. I am married now and my hubby is a wonderful stepdad and thinks of them as his own. I dont know what he could be rebeling against. When I ask him why he hurt his bro. he says I dont know. I tried taking away his toys and tv and video games ect. How would u ladies deal with this? I am thinking about taking him to see a theripst. I just dont know. He is nice to other ppl, and animals, it just seems to be his brother. Any advice would be helpful. Thanks in advance!

 

[fuzzballxxx]

Do they do activities together like football, or games, you could have family time and encourage them to interact with one another. Team work activities are also great it will encourage them to work together. you could put up a united front with their dad (if they see him) because consistency is the key good luck

 

[adriansgirl]

Yes they do a lot together. They are 23 mo apart to the day so they have always been together. I dont treat them any diff. or anything. Am im worried that by me punishing him i am just makind him resent his bro. more. Thanks for the advice tho. And no they dont see there dad anymore. the last straw was when he got arrested for drug dealing! I dont want that influnence in their life and the judge agreed. If the boys want to see him i agreed we could eat at a fast food restraunt but i will be present. But they havent asked and neither has their dad. But thats a whole other story lol

 

[punk_pig]

Maybe they actually need time apart, I take it from your post that they share a room? The 11yr old is approaching puberty and this is a difficult time to share your space with anyone else (not that it is an excuse for his behaviour).

 

[adriansgirl]

Yes I thought about that too. They do share a room. I dont know what to do about that though cause we only have a 2 bedroom and cant move yet. thanks for ur imput!

 

[JASMAK]

sibling rivlary....it happens in every house...but hitting and kicking should not be tolerated. I would find an appropriate consequence for it, tell BOTH boys what the consequence will be and stick to it! But, also keep in mind, that just because he hits his brother, doesn't mean he hits other kids or is a 'bully' at school. I used to hit my brother and twin sister, and I have NEVER hit anyone else, or bullied anyone! My brother used to hit my sister and I, and my sister and I would pull each other's hair, and my sister even chipped my tooth because she threw a belt at me and the buckle hit my mouth. Again...we are very mild-mannered, even-tempered, non-violent people! lol Talk to his teachers, and see how he is at school. Tell him it's OK to be angry but using words instead of hands is the house rule.