need encouraging words.. feeling like a failure

[brittany12]

so I know being 9 months pregnant you have aches, pains and pressure, but I honestly do not feel like my pains are normal. my pelvic pain is not just painful, but excruciating! If I cough, roll over, sit up, spread my legs, close my legs, put underware on, stand up, walk I mean anything other than laying in one spot without moving at all is the only time its not that bad. On top of that I have that PUPPP rash that first time pregnant women can get and its horrible. Its like poison ivy all over my body and nothing helps relieve it. It doesn't go away until after the delivery so its here to stay. I literally have broken down at least 3 times in 24 hours because I hurt so bad and am so miserable. And I'm not a crier.

My doctor will induce me at 39 weeks if I want to and every second that I have to deal with this pain and itching discomfort i want to so badly. I am already starting to dilate and my body is getting ready for labor on its own and at my ultrasound last week she was perfect and already practicing breathing on her own which she has been doing for awhile now (you can actually see it from my belly). But then i think about it for a second and i feel so weak and like a horrible person for wanting to take the "easy" way out. I feel like a complainer and failure when all i did for 3 years is beg and plead for God to just let me get pregnant and have a baby and that i would go through anything to have a baby and here i am not even able to deal with the pain at the end. I also feel like its not fair to her. I mean i know women have to be induced all the time and there is a great chance i would have to be induced anyway, but i just feel like she should get to chose her birthday. I just don't know how to come up with a happy medium with all of this.

 

[nflores77]

First off Sounds like you are going through a lot especially with the PUPPP I have heard that it's a painful condition to have in pregnancy. I don't have any experience with that but if I could chose I think I would chose to be induced. Good Luck with what you decided.

 

[brittany12]

thank you! its a horrible condition!

 

[chelsealynnb]

Omg I feel the same exact way!! I know it's a privilege to carry a child, a lot of women can't and I lost 3 in a row before this one. But - I just want him out already! My pelvic pain is exactly how you are describing. I can barely get out of bed at night to pee! I have to hold my breath when I get up because the pain is so terrible. I see a group of doctors, and at 36 weeks one of the doc's told me I could be induced after 38 weeks if I were progressing on my own. Well here I am 39 weeks and still not dilated!!! GAAAH! I have another appointment tomorrow and if they tell me I'm still not dilated and can't set an induction date (even if it's after my friggin due date, I just want to see a light at the end of the tunnel!) I'm going to cry right in the office!! Both of my kids were over due and I was really hoping to not go over with this one. But I wasn't in pain with my first two as much! People keep telling me "oh he'll come when he's ready" well I want him to be ready NOW!

 

[Indi Ocean]

Oh you poor thing! It sounds absolutely horrendous but you are doing an amazing job with getting through it. Keep telling yourself that and be proud of getting right to the end of this pregnancy with a healthy bub and, aside the pain, a healthy you!

Now, let me give you a different spin on being induced! Bub doesn't care about picking her birthday. All she cares about is having a Mummy that is in a good place to care and nurture her. I think it's just a pregnant woman thing, to beat ourselves up about all the decisions we make regarding our little ones! From the sounds of it, you are making the right decision for you AND bub to be induced at 39wks.

Plough through your remaining time of being pregnant and keep reminding yourself of the end goal, your precious little angel! Good luck, stay strong

 

[brittany12]

The pain is the worst thing I've felt up to this point in my life. Holding my breath doesn't even help! I wish it did. Hopefully you've made some progress and can schedule your date!

Indi thank you so much for that and for pointing that out. I think she can totally feel how I feel and if I'm just going to be miserable and down on myself that will definitely rub off and cause for some bigger issues. I think bottom line is if dh and I feel like being induced is best for me and her and the doctor says its fine then that's what matters not what everyone else thinks. They can tell me how much I should let her come until they're blue in the face, but they aren't in my shoes feeling what I'm feeling right now.

 

[Julesillini8]

Just saying hi and hang in There Brittany. If you choose to have baby early, 39 weeks isn't too bad! It's not like youre forcing her out at 36 weeks!
I was induced both times at over 41 weeks and im just assuming I'm going for the long haul again. I think you get peace of mind just having a "plan" not that you can really plan for this all, but I mean it puts you in a mindset I guess. Going ten days past due date, everyone would see me show up to work and keep asking "what no baby yet!?"! Physically it was horrendous, but mentally it takes a toll too. This time I'm just assuming a week over and I will asked to be induced at 41 weeks ( screw waiting ten days last, I'm only doing seven this time!) and although I know it's gonna be a rough path, at least I have that mindset and I'm telling people baby is due end of may ( official due date is may14) so everyone can stay off my case and I can just focus on counting down. So the point to my long rambling story is maybe its best for you both physically AND mentally to just go with 39 weeks because you can focus on that and count down and say " I only have to survive 5 more days...."
Best wishes my dear

 

[brittany12]

I agree. Dh is still kind of hesitant bit its because he doesn't understand the entire baby progress and that she's going to be OK if you induce. I tried explaining that a due date doesn't mean all that much and that is a guess and an estimate. I know that shell be fully developed and with the ultrasound last week and hearing it from the tech and doc that she's perfect and ready just confirmed that for me. I'd never do anything to take a chance on her well being and neither would my doc. I tried to explain to him that they do csections at 39 weeks everyday and she could come tomorrow on her own if she wanted and my body is already dilating and getting ready on its own so she isn't in harms way. I also explained that I'm scared if I try to force myself through this for as long as possible I'll get depressed and cause other issues.

He said as long as I think it'll be fine then he is OK with it.

 

[MrsKChicago]

I'm usually pretty firmly in the "they'll come when they come" camp for normal pregnancies, but as long as you're sure of your dates, I wouldn't blink at 39 weeks, especially when it sounds like your body is getting ready anyway. Even by the newer, stricter definitions of full term, 39 weeks is full term, and it sounds like you're really having a hard time. It's not like you're evicting baby a month early. Do what you have to do to take care of yourself, too.

 

[LoveMy2Boys2]

Awww, hang in there!! I completely feel ya , I have SPD sounds like that's what you have too... It's excruciating !! And been there with the pupps....it's pure misery and anyone would complain and want out!! You know what's best for you and your baby is it best for baby to stay in while u sit there miserably stressed out? Probably not ....don't feel guilty if u need out sooner, u will make the best decision and it will feel natural don't worry about the birthday ordeal! I had my first a week early because I was miserable and the dr offered .... I never felt guilty for doing it either he's now 6 and healthy and happy as can be the end is near!!!! Good luck

 

[brittany12]

Thanks y'all! It is pure misery and ive done everything I can think of to get some relief and can't getany. I was up all night scratching and trying to roll over. I just wanted to cry my eyes out which iI'vedone a few times already.

II'm just so back and forth with it. I want to induce, but I don't. I just don't know what to do.

 

[chelsealynnb]

Well if it makes you feel less alone, I had my 39 week appointment today and still no change. No dilation, nothing. I have an appt next Friday (40+4 weeks) and if everything is STILL the same, I'll have an induction date set for 7-10 days past that day! I DO NOT want to be 42 weeks pregnant!!

 

[brittany12]

I'm so sorry!