Need help please!

[Shandijo]

My husband and I finally got 50/50 custody of his 17 month old son (long story in its self) so we can finally take him in for his well child exams that he is 6+ months behind on. YAY!

The mother decided to go back down a bad path once pregnant. She smoked 1+ pack a day and was taking illegal drugs and overdosing on her methadone. Which caused Noah to be born over a month premature and hospitalized for 2.5 months trying to be weened off of amphetamines and methadone. (Yes we should have full custody but did not know about the child until he was a year old and social services here is a joke. We are getting there slowly but surly)

Noah is not all there. He calls everything mama and knows the word "go" but cannot actually give it meaning. He just randomly says "go go go". My husband and I have tried very hard to work with him and get the brain stimulation going since there is none of that at home. We got him to start walking at 15.5 months and he is doing pretty well. He seems to fall down a lot more that he should but i am no doctor haha.

My main concern is this, he "cries" about EVERYTHING. Both my husband and I have a lot of experience with children my husband actually more so even with a few that have special needs, and we have never seen anything like this. He screams bloody murder the majority of the time when we put him down for a nap or bed time. No matter how tired he is he will scream and act as if he is crying but have no tears and as soon as one of us enter the room and he thinks he will get out he stops on the dime. We have walked him we have held him etc. until he sleeps but as soon as he hits that crib he acts as if he was being stabbed. He can go for over 2 hours and when you look at him you can see he is falling asleep and can barely keep his eyes open and he is still screaming. As soon he wakes up there is no gradual "ok im up", talk a little etc. It is straight to screaming. We give him a bath...he screams (granted I dont think he was ever bathed at mommys house), he will be in the middle of playing, eating, walking, etc. and will just start screaming. And randomly just stop right on the dime and begin laughing. No matter what we do he will flip. There's never consistency either. So there is no preventative measures to be taken. Very rarely does he go down easily and can play normally. There was 1 time actually yesterday morning that he work up and just played a bit...no screaming. What is going on? What is wrong? There is no physical pain, no scary figures, nothing. We are going to talk to the doctor but we do not see him until mid next month and we are getting gray hairs already!

Very long winded I apologize. But I don't know what is vital or not. I can keep going but figured it's best that i don't.

 

[zimmy]

I have no advice I'm sorry, but wanted to tell you that I think it's great that you've reached out for advice - there are a lot of great people on here with experience or just kind words. Stay strong

 

[LoveleeB]

I'm not sure if I can be much help but a few things that I can think of... one is if he is 50/50 with his mom still, is it hard for him to adapt to changes between your house and hers? I'm thinking that maybe he doesn't have a bed time routine at her place so it's confusing to go between the two? Also you can ask the doctor about melatonin which may help him relax at bedtime enough to sleep. My son doesn't cry all the time but does act up at bedtime where he screams and as soon as we walk in the room he stops right away and wants to play. You may also want to talk to the doctor about behavioural therapy, we haven't tried it yet with our son but I've heard that it is really helpful. And lastly, one of the other posters once mentioned a bean bag chair can be helpful when LO's are in rages as it "hugs" them and can be good for frustration. I will think some more and post if I can think of any other suggestions.

 

[Shandijo]

Thanks a bunch love the bean bag idea! He was like this with just her as well. I think she is taking her happy pills now because she is A LOT more open and has a lot more communication.... She wants to be a good mom...but sad to say she is far from. She thinks schedules are stupid so guarantee she waits till he passes out on the floor and then puts him in the pack and play.

 

[Midnight_Fairy]

Its such a hard one but I wish you all the best xx

 

[Marleysgirl]

I have no constructive help but I really feel for what you are having to go through.

 

[sun]

Sorry I can't help much about the crying and the behaviour, but if his mother doesn't have any kind of routine then transitions like that (bedtime, eating, going out, etc) can really be tough. The only thing I can think of is to really work with her to keep everything consistent. For us a routine makes so much difference - and always letting him know what will happen next. We were doing this before we knew if he understood or not.

Also my son walked a little later than yours and he still falls quite often - he definitely fell alot in the first 2 months. He did the same as your LO with speech and sounds when he was first attempting words a little while ago. I don't know if your son is frustrated with not being able to communicate, but for us signing and pictures worked really well and helped tons.

Lots of hugs! x

 

[Hangin_On_AGS]

I have no advice But I wish you the best of luck in finding answers and getting him back on track!