Need help - relatives trying to feed baby "real" food.

[wristwatch24]

I was put in a really unique and strange position last night and I am asking for help in how to prevent this from happening again, and tips in general I guess.

Let me start out by saying that my daughter is 4 months old and has only eaten breast milk for that entire time. She's never had formula or cereal and I don't plan on introducing any type of solid until she is 6 months old. My whole family knows I am very dedicated to breastfeeding (I pump every day twice a day at work).

Last night, we were at my brother's for a Christmas get-together. His wife recently underwent brain surgery to remove a tumor, and has just finished a round of radiation and chemotherapy. She was feeling very ill last week and hasn't been eating regular meals, but rather these shakes made of milk, vanilla ice cream, and Carnation instant breakfast.

My brother brought her a big glass of it and she was holding my daughter. She dipped her finger into the shake and put it in my daughter's mouth. I kind of bit my tongue because I figured an amount too small to even swallow wouldn't do any real damage. Well, then she decided to take the glass and literally POUR the stuff into DD's mouth.

Am I overreacting to think this was COMPLETELY unacceptable and rude?? I didn't freak out or yell at her but I said "looks like it's time to eat" and I grabbed DD and breastfed her. It was clear that I wasn't happy, but I really feel that I let DD down by not saying anything. The longer I think about this the more upset I get about it.

The thing that made me really hold my tongue was the fact that my SIL has cancer and everyone tries to be soft and gentle with her (myself included) and not upset her. But I really want to make sure that something like this doesn't happen again.

Any suggestions on how I could talk to her after the fact? And how can I convey to my other family members that I only want DD to have my milk to eat until she's older beyond what I've already done?

Thanks for reading all of this!

 

[Kittyran]

No you aren't overreacting. That was very rude. I'm of the thought that you should ask a child's parent before giving them anything, regardless of what relation that child is to you. It should ALWAYS be up to the parent if they can have something out of the ordinary.

I ran into the same situation with my son when he was 9 months old. We took a trip to visit my husbands family and it was their first time meeting him. My Aunt-in-law (wonderful woman, love her like my own family) wanted to give Silas Twizzlers and marshmellows and all kinds of other junk. I told her firmly but lovingly that I didn't allow him to have that kind of stuff but if she wanted to give him one marshmellow, I would allow it just ONCE. She gave him a marshmellow and that was the end of it.

Had she just started stuffing them into his mouth, I would have been very pissed off! I would just take your brother aside and tell him that you don't want your LO to have anything but BM until she's 6 months old and if he wants to give her solid/other food before then at any time he needs to ASK YOU FIRST. I don't think that's too much to ask!

 

[angelandbump]

I would be mad too and I luckily haven't been in that situation but I would like to think that if I was I would have told her strait in a constructive way.

My DS is only 12 weeks old but at 10 weeks my mum put the tiniest amount of melted chocolate on her finger and gave it to him. It was my 3year old who told me and when I confronted her, she laughed at first till I reminded her of his age and that I'm his mum not her... I have a great relationship with my mum but this really upset me and I had to tell her. She know knows never to feed my baby anything and has promised never to do that again.

X

 

[cat_reversing]

it was wrong of your brother and his wife to do that without your permission, it's up to you and your partner to decide what baby eats and when and people should always ask you first before putting something in baby's mouth.
I understand that sil is very ill but that is no reason to overlook the fact they went against your wishes.
I would try to talk with them about it and just remark calmly that what they did upset you, that baby will be ebf until 6 months and could they not give her anything else without asking you first.If you talk about it you can put it behind you, maybe sil didn't realise you felt so strongly about it?

 

[annio84]

Honestly I would just talk to them both and say it's really not appropriate for baby to be having that sort of thing. I don't think you need to dwell on it and get upset because it's done now and if you can resolve it so it doesn't happen again then there's no need for getting stressed about it.

Just out of curiosity - what is your SILs behaviour like in general since the op? Does she do odd things, because it really seems a strange thing to do, and I know neuro patients can have odd behaviours because things don't connect up quite right. Not making excuses for her, just suggesting maybe you can preempt something like this happening again if this might be the case.

 

[wristwatch24]

Honestly I would just talk to them both and say it's really not appropriate for baby to be having that sort of thing. I don't think you need to dwell on it and get upset because it's done now and if you can resolve it so it doesn't happen again then there's no need for getting stressed about it.

Just out of curiosity - what is your SILs behaviour like in general since the op? Does she do odd things, because it really seems a strange thing to do, and I know neuro patients can have odd behaviours because things don't connect up quite right. Not making excuses for her, just suggesting maybe you can preempt something like this happening again if this might be the case.

She really hasn't done anything else out of the ordinary. Right after I took DD away to eat she said something along the lines of how DD has to get junk food when she comes to aunt J's house. Then later DD was being fussy trying to eat and SIL's daughter was like "she wants more of my mommy's milk shake!" And SIL did this mocking "haa haaaa!" So I think she just thought she was being a cool aunt or something.

I'm going to talk to her about it today because you're right; there's no use dwelling on it and getting upset when I can just address it.

 

[Sbmack]

That's definitely not cool! I would like to think I would've said something right then, but situations like that with family (especially if they are sick) are tough. From the sound of it she may do it again though so I agree that you should really have a talk with her.

 

[Peppermint25]

I would not have been happy at all with her. I would like to think I would have confronted her there and then and asked in a nice manner for her to kindly stop. Them just take my LO back if she proceeded. It was very rude and disrespectful of her and those types of things really annoying me! Illness or no illness you respect the parents wishes and don't act in such a ridiculous way x

 

[Foogirl]

I would be pissed off too. But to be honest, I'm not sure I'd go back and say anything about it after the event. It's over, forget it. But if she tried again or if they were going to be left alone with her for any length of time, a gentle note that you'd rather they didn't feed her anything might be in order.