need realatonship advice quick x

[Inge]

well.... OH is 32 and acts about 12. He never does things for Leo, if he needs changing he wont do it, if he has a tantrum OH just walks off and lets me deal with it. His idea of watching LO is put laptop on and let LO do what he likes. (amount of times LO has hurt himself and OH hasnt prevented it!)
I have brought all the house items (cooker,bed,fridge,washing machine, all Leos things, all the new babies things) If I ask his opinion on somethnig he just says its up to me. He gets £1000 a month and has about £270 left over after rent and car and payments for his 10 yr old son. I only get Child tax credits and child benefit and I have to give him over half for the bills even though he could afford the extra £70. I cant fit into most my clothes now but cant afford to buy any mat clothes or anything and I asked if I could stop giving him £70 a month and he said no cos august he has to buy something for the car. He wont even buy me dinner for £15 for our 4 yr anniversary in august but he'll drive 30 miles to get a new fan for his car
Iv told him im not happy and I know id be happier without worrying about him and how much money he DOESNT have. He always moans wer screwed for money even though he has that £270 each month. He wastes it and I scrimp and buy the cheapest of everything for us.
He wont leave as he has nowhere to go and neither have I. I have my midwife here, drs, I dont drive and I have purchased and made decisions for this house and then amde to feel guilty at asking him to buy a dinner set for £5 today
I cant just put the chain on the door when hes out as he broke it off last time I did that. I dont want to leave as I have everything here, and Iv paid for nearly everything we have. His only possesions are the sofa, tv and ps3 Tv hes not even paid for yet and cant afford to pay for
Is there any way I can make him stay out the house? Or is there anywhere i can go if I had to leave?

 

[mommytobe11]

is there any sort of women's shelter you can go to for now? we have something here in the US called "women in distress" and they help get women out of bad relationships. i'm sure there has to be something like that over there

 

[tallybee]

Oh Inge hun I'm so sorry it's come to this

You shouldn't have to leave hun he should if that's what it comes to. He could go crash on a couch but you have LO and bump.

Would he ever threaten or be violent to you hun (the thing about breaking the chain off made me wonder)

xx

 

[Jade--x]

Is the house in your name or both of yours?

I'm not sure about how to get him to leave if he doesn't want to but if you were to leave there's emergency housing places you can call but I think they usually put you in BandBs (if you can call them that) as my friend was put in one when she was kicked out with a LO.x

 

[Inge]

he'll shout but wouldnt be physically violent. He'll just have a go at me and make me feel bad.
Jade - its a joint tenancy so wer both on the contract. We had a talk last night and this morning and wer seeing how it goes. He doesnt want us to go and he made me breakfast and changed and dressed LO today, is giving him a bath tonight then wer having us time. Hes stressing about money as his car needs alot of work so I think hes taking it out on me. I can tell hes trying today not to be too snappy so Im hoping me saying il leave has snapped him out of his mood. I said last night me and LO will be gone on wednesday when he gets home from work if he doesnt change. Thanks for the advice girls

 

[tallybee]

I hope you tellin him how bad it had got, has kicked his bum into snapping out of it. xx

 

[Jade--x]

I hope he does change now you've had your talk. I agree with you I don't see why you should leave when you've paid for everything.x

 

[Inge]

well the peace lasted for a day... he ssaid if i go with leo im selfish and hes going to get custody and keep him with him. He doesnt care about the new baby or his older son also if i change the locks then he'll just kick the door in and thats it. Hes said if I tell the council wer over and need the tenancy chaged then il have to leave. I dont know what to do now

 

[Jade--x]

I'd contact the council and ask them for some advice. He won't get custody of Leo that's for definate. He'd have to pay to go to court and he'd have to have seriously incredible evidence that you're an unfit mother and that he's a more stable provider - Which by the sounds of it he isn't - And you're no unfit mother.

As for the council as far as I'm aware with you having the children they'd make him go. That's how it worked for my Mum's friends when they divorced anyway - She had the kids so she got the tenancy. I would definately call them tomorrow though and find out for sure. If not they might be able to rehouse you and I'd take every damn thing you've bought with you.x

 

[Inge]

thanks jade x im trying to talk to him but hes just blanking me now. Iv said I wont ask for money and id even bring Leo to him to see him everyday if he wants. Iv just had enough of it now and its easier when hes not here. Iv said if he cared about me then hed try to make things work but all hes said is " it sounds like youv made your mind up" Im only still here becauce of Leo and being scared of being a single mum at 21. How am I going to go through a birth and look after a newborn and toddler alone?

 

[Jade--x]

I'm 21 aswell hun and I'm basically a single mum - Even though I have a partner. He's in the RAF so I see him some weekends but I've done the last 3 and a half years pretty much alone, though I have had a lot of support from my parents and siblings, and consider myself as a single parent. It's all I've really known so I've always just done it but I totally understand why you'd be scared. It's not easy I'm not going to lie but it's not impossible either. Do you live close to any family?x

 

[Inge]

well im in wiltshire and family are all in bristol/bath. be a 20 min train away. My dad lives in cardiff so is even further.

 

[Lellow]

EDIT

xxx

 

[Lucasmum]

Awww hun, you need to speak to the CAB, not sure how it all works but when my friend left her husband because her kids were under a certain age he was the one by law who had to leave, he didnt and she couldnt be arsed with the fight so went with the kids I'm not sure if that was because they owned the house or not, like I said speak with the CAB.

As for worrying about being a single mum and so on, to me it seems like you do everything anyway the only real difference is you will be happier and free, it will work out for you and it will be hard but you can do it hun