need some advice please

[proudmummy]

I need some advice if you don't mind ladies, my best friend text me on Wednesday and said her first cycle of IVF has failed. I feel totally heartbroken for her and text back to say I'm so sorry. I've not text her since as I have an 11 month old son and am 36 weeks pregnant so don't want to upset her further.
What do I say to her? I want to be positive but don't want her to think I'm shrugging it off like "oh well there's always next time" sort of thing.
I'm so gutted for her I can't imagine how hard it must be.

 

[FutureMommie]

As I'm sure if she went thru IVF this has been a process for her, I would just let her know that you are sorry and if she needs to talk or just cry you are there for her. You want to give her time but also encourge her to call you if she needs you just let her know you are there. Find out what she needs from you. Don't offer any advice such as you can try again, or maybe this just wasn't your time, thats not what she needs to hear right now. I totally commend you and you are a great friend for reaching out to women who know directly the pains of wanting to get pg and not being able to.

 

[navywife04]

Ugh, that has to be hard. If I were you, I would call her and let her know how much you care and let her know how upset you are for her. It will mean a lot to her to know that she has a shoulder to cry on! It may just be too soon though for a pep talk, I wouldn't say anything else but be there to support her and let her vent.

 

[psp2011]

Hi! just wanted to add that a friend of mine sent me a really sweet card after my failed cycle and I thought it was perfect! You could try that.

 

[mrs_major]

Just wanted to add my opinion (and I really do not mean to offend!). My first IVF cycle also failed in February. One of my friends found out the week before that she had 'accidentally' fallen pg and was already 23 weeks along (this is her 3rd).The news broke my heart.

Then when our cycle failed, she text me etc to say sorry. But in all honesty, I want nothing to do with her right now. She still texts every so often, and in all honesty, it just irritates me. I don't want to be faced with her and her pregnancy. It's not the baby I'm jealous of - I don't want hers, I want my own. Its the pregnancy.

Obviously this is just how I feel. Your friend may feel completely differently. Just wanted to pre-warn you not to be offended if you don't get any response from her for a while. I know that I'm avoiding pregnant people like the plague as all I see is my failure to become pregnant.

 

[mrssunshine78]

i didn't have a failed ivf cycle as such but had a miscarriage, i have a couple of pregnant friends and i don't want to see them at all at the moment, but i wouldn't mind if they text me and asked how i was doing. She will not be feeling at all positive at the moment, and she definitely wont want to hear things like the other girls have said about it not being her time, etc. I'm sure she would definitely apprciate a card like another girl said just so she knows you're thinking of her. Some of my friends have completely ignored me and this hurts.

you sound like a really caring person and it must be so hard for you

 

[proudmummy]

Thank you so much ladies, I text her and told her she can text, phone me anytime and I'm here for her and left it at that. She text me back asking how I was so I made sure I didn't mention the baby but she asked about him so I just said everything is going well. Luckily she is very open with me and texts me a lot just to chat so I'm just very careful not to rub my baby in her face so to speak. I can't offer her the kind of emotional support she needs having not been there myself I have no idea how she feels but she is being incredibly brave and I'm so proud of her. I make sure I text to say hi every few days and if she wants tp discuss the ivf I let her bring it up, but I do ask questions too so she dosnt think I don't care or that its "the elephant in the room"