Need some advice

[cbbrankley]

Hi everyone!! I'm kind of in a complicated situation. I have horrible anxiety issues and because of that, I am terrified of being pregnant because it's a little weird having something growing inside of you and it kind of freaks me out a little. Then, there is no easy way to get it out!! Medical stuff also freaks me out a little, so that makes it a little worse. Then to top it off, I actually have to raise the child and try to prevent them from being a basket case like me, so all of it gets to me. However, I wasn't always this scared. I've wanted children as long as I can remember and My husband, who is 32, is beyond ready for kids. We've always talked about having children since we got together 6 years ago and even tried to at one point. I really want children now, but I am just terrified. I even keep having dreams about having a baby and breastfeeding and all of that. My anxiety prevents me from going out very much though and I would feel like a horrible mother if I let my anxiety prevent me from doing stuff with my children. My husband has really bad knees and really wants kids while he still can play sports and stuff with them. He told me yesterday that he really wants to start trying and that he knows I'm scared but he would do all he could to make me feel calm and comfortable through the whole process. If you were in the situation, what would you do??

 

[Angel_blues]

I hate to say it, but it doesn't sound like you an mentally ready. I feel you should get your anxiety under control before trying. It would be better for everyone. Have you tried reading books on babies and pregnancy, giving birth, breastfeeding? It seems much less daunting once you start reading about it!

 

[LynAnne]

Anxiety is a horrible thing to suffer with. I suffer from anxiety, mainly to do with social situations, and I've been known to have panic attacks with my most recent one being on Christmas Day. Fortunately I'm not too bad at managing it for the most part and luckily pregnancy doesn't worry me too much. (Don't ask about labour though - it'll be too late to worry about that then!)

To me it sounds like you need a little time to sort through your worries and anxiety before you start TTC. After all, once you're pregnant you can't really back out of it easily! I think if you are really struggling with the anxiety I would suggest seeing a medical professional about it. You don't necessarily need to go on medication - I've heard that CBT (cognitive behaviour therapy) can be really helpful with dealing with anxiety. I also find that educating myself about whatever gives me anxiety (so in this case pregnancy) helps to alleviate my anxiety and general worries. Suddenly things don't seem so scary if I have a good idea of what I can expect!

 

[cbbrankley]

I hate to say it, but it doesn't sound like you an mentally ready. I feel you should get your anxiety under control before trying. It would be better for everyone. Have you tried reading books on babies and pregnancy, giving birth, breastfeeding? It seems much less daunting once you start reading about it!

I read about it all the time, that's why I started developing fears and stuff, lol.

 

[cbbrankley]

Anxiety is a horrible thing to suffer with. I suffer from anxiety, mainly to do with social situations, and I've been known to have panic attacks with my most recent one being on Christmas Day. Fortunately I'm not too bad at managing it for the most part and luckily pregnancy doesn't worry me too much. (Don't ask about labour though - it'll be too late to worry about that then!)

To me it sounds like you need a little time to sort through your worries and anxiety before you start TTC. After all, once you're pregnant you can't really back out of it easily! I think if you are really struggling with the anxiety I would suggest seeing a medical professional about it. You don't necessarily need to go on medication - I've heard that CBT (cognitive behaviour therapy) can be really helpful with dealing with anxiety. I also find that educating myself about whatever gives me anxiety (so in this case pregnancy) helps to alleviate my anxiety and general worries. Suddenly things don't seem so scary if I have a good idea of what I can expect!

I've recently started going back to get help, so far it's only helping a little but I need to give it more time.

 

[Eleanor ace]

. I would take a bit of time to get your anxiety under control before ttc not just for your LO's sake but for yours too. If it was a choice between ttc now and being badly affected by anxiety, not being able to enjoy the pregnancy and then not being able to take LO to baby groups etc without finding it very hard, or waiting 6 months/a year and being able to enjoy it all and do all the things you want to be able to do with your LO, I would wait. Perhaps set a tentative ttc date of 6 months time and in the meantime work on your anxiety and preparing for ttc (preparing yourself for the changes to your body and life and developing coping strategies for when things are beyond your control) and then re-evaluate once you reach that date?

 

[cbbrankley]

. I would take a bit of time to get your anxiety under control before ttc not just for your LO's sake but for yours too. If it was a choice between ttc now and being badly affected by anxiety, not being able to enjoy the pregnancy and then not being able to take LO to baby groups etc without finding it very hard, or waiting 6 months/a year and being able to enjoy it all and do all the things you want to be able to do with your LO, I would wait. Perhaps set a tentative ttc date of 6 months time and in the meantime work on your anxiety and preparing for ttc (preparing yourself for the changes to your body and life and developing coping strategies for when things are beyond your control) and then re-evaluate once you reach that date?

Yeah, I will probably wait a little while, I just feel really guilty because we used to talk about having kids as soon as we were married. It's been over four years since we got married and now I'm too scared. Over the holidays he spent time with some little kids and it made him want some even more.

 

[Pearls18]

As others say I think you should get some assistance with your anxiety, and I would discuss with your therapist how you're hoping to have a child and see how you can go forward, couples counselling might be good as well to ensure your partner knows how to support you? But I wouldn't go into this without assistance but I'm sure you would make a great mother, the fact you're being careful with how to approach this demonstrates that but you should sort your anxiety for yourself as well as to be a mother,you deserve to be happy.

 

[cbbrankley]

As others say I think you should get some assistance with your anxiety, and I would discuss with your therapist how you're hoping to have a child and see how you can go forward, couples counselling might be good as well to ensure your partner knows how to support you? But I wouldn't go into this without assistance but I'm sure you would make a great mother, the fact you're being careful with how to approach this demonstrates that but you should sort your anxiety for yourself as well as to be a mother,you deserve to be happy.

Some people keep telling me that I'll be so concerned with the well being of the little one that I will get over my issues but I'm not very confident that that will happen and I don't really wanna risk it.

 

[Pearls18]

As others say I think you should get some assistance with your anxiety, and I would discuss with your therapist how you're hoping to have a child and see how you can go forward, couples counselling might be good as well to ensure your partner knows how to support you? But I wouldn't go into this without assistance but I'm sure you would make a great mother, the fact you're being careful with how to approach this demonstrates that but you should sort your anxiety for yourself as well as to be a mother,you deserve to be happy.

Some people keep telling me that I'll be so concerned with the well being of the little one that I will get over my issues but I'm not very confident that that will happen and I don't really wanna risk it.

Anxiety needs to be managed, there are lots of mums on here that suffer with it, I think there is a thread about those with anxieties so maybe you could discuss how they manage, but everyone obviously experiences it differently and obviously it's important to try and manage it before taking the leap. I used to suffer from anxiety, it was something I sort of grew out of once I finished university (that was a big cause of it) and I also think the pill was a big cause of it for me, so I avoid hormonal contraceptives. I used to have social anxiety but am pretty much over it now. I did CBT in uni.

 

[Ohbaby2015]

I also have anxiety but haven't really taken medication for it and have done a little therapy. I also get anxious about the doctors. I seriously have the worst white coat syndrome. I stalked to my obgyn and she said if I had to, I could take some medications while pregnant if it was severe. However, I'm actually going yo try and do therapy for a few months before I consider medication and before I get pregnant. I hate anxiety!!!! Hugs to you!