Need Some Advice!!!

[leo_mummy]

I have a situation of which i just would like some advice on.

Me and my FOB have been together for nearly 4 years now. We have the normal arguments and stuff, but who doesnt when your in a relationship.

A couple of weeks back i have started 2 realise that he hugs his fone like its a matter of life and death, and when some1 fones him he doesnt answer the fone sumtimes and he never started doing this until quite recently.

Anyway wednesday night he picked me up from my mums house and i stayed at his house till yesterday evening when he dropped me home.

Thursday morning he woke up and went in the shower, but when he was upstairs i found myself picking up his fone, now i must say that at that moment i wanted 2 no if he was hiding anything from me, and had convinced myself that i would find nothing neway. but i was going through his inbox and just scrolled down and most messages were from his friends which i no, but then i went into sent messages and found a text that he had sent to a girl named chrissie and it said 'hey sexy'.

Now before i jumped to any conclusions i thought it could have been a text message that some one of his friends sent using his fone, but it was sent last saturday in the evening, about the time i came of the fone to him.

Now i know some people will say that im insecure for doing this and yes i will admit that i did fink sumfin was going on as much as i didnt want to believe it but 2 find sumfin like dis on his fone, makes me consider if he is starting to get fed-up with me in a way.

Thanks for reading if you got this far and any advice would be nice on what to do plz.

xxxx

 

[youngmum2b]

I don't really have any advise but didnt want to r&r, maybe you could sit down n ask why he hugs his phone now.

 

[Eabha'sMum]

i don't know what to say to make it better... didn't want to r&r... the only thing would be to talk to him... i am sure the truth won't be as bad as the image you have in your head!
hope its nothing
xx

 

[leo_mummy]

I don't really have any advise but didnt want to r&r, maybe you could sit down n ask why he hugs his phone now.

I was going to sit down with him and ask him 2day when he finishes work, but i just feel that the answer he will give me will not reassure me enough as to why he does it.. iykwim

 

[leo_mummy]

i don't know what to say to make it better... didn't want to r&r... the only thing would be to talk to him... i am sure the truth won't be as bad as the image you have in your head!
hope its nothing
xx

i do hope that its nothing aswell, but if i confront him about the text and he tells me that it was him who sent it, my trust will go downhill enormously, and rite now is the time that i need to trust him the most.

 

[Eabha'sMum]

but you need trust... not a false sense of security!
if he has sent it, you need to know, so you can challenge, reflect and build upon the relationship... if that is what you want xx

 

[leo_mummy]

but you need trust... not a false sense of security!
if he has sent it, you need to know, so you can challenge, reflect and build upon the relationship... if that is what you want xx

Even though i ahve seen this text i still trust him, because he has never cheated on me and never done nefing that he no's will hurt me in any way.
If he has sent it i want to no why and work with it and as you said build upon the relationship, but i no that it will take a while to bring the relationship back up to the same level that it was at before i saw the text message xx

 

[AnnabelsMummy]

Ohh hun.. first a big !!
You're not bad for checking his phone - at the end of the day, why shouldn't you? you shouldn't have anything to find right? so then if there's nothing to find, then why should it matter, if there's something there, then you'd rather know, and if there's not then you just feel a bit silly, and it makes you feel reassured right?

secondly, i'd say speak to him - don't approach him in an angry way, as hell just get defensive and angry back, but just say, it's not that you don't trust him..
but what with being pregnant and your hormones flying high, you got really paranoid and not sure why and you got an urge to check his phone - but you were convinced you wouldn't find anything on there, so it really upset you and surprised you when you did.. because deep down you really wasn't expecting it..
and just explain what you saw, and it made you feel really upset and like he doesn't care any more (basically explain how it made you feel)..

he might have just been doing it because he feels scared and unattractive and needed reassurance.. he might just need to feel attractive again and by attention from this girl, he might have been made to feel more secure? if that was all it was then i guess it's not anything major, he just needs to know the way you feel, and that if he feels like he's unattractive - there's one woman who think's he's the most amazing person ever.. and actually what that one woman (who's also carrying his baby, and has choosen to be with him) thinks, means more than these stupid girls who throw themselves at other people's boyfriends?

if you ask him, you'll probably know whether he's lying, by his response.. trust your instinct it's probably right - and at the end of the day, somehting made you feel insecure, so if you speak to him, make sure there's things that won't make you doubt it in future, whether it's something like you know his passwords (obviously you won't abuse them by going on all the time, but there's a chance you could, and the fact you can means you probably won't need to)

or you could wait and see if he gets replies or he sends any more? but then again, you could end up not being sure when to find the right time.. or not finding anything else, and this one thing playing on your mind over and over.

xxxx

 

[AnnabelsMummy]

sorry my post was a bit long hehe.. i hope it helped a little?
xx

 

[vaniilla]

I don't check oh's phone as I use it all the time when I don't have credit to text family so I know he would not have anything to hide on it but I would check it if he was acting suspicious, I know you said you trust your oh but if you don't get an answer to what the text was about what if it happens again and it starts to create insecurities? try and get an answer hun, I hope it gets sorted out and that its all a misunderstanding

 

[AnnabelsMummy]

but you need trust... not a false sense of security!
if he has sent it, you need to know, so you can challenge, reflect and build upon the relationship... if that is what you want xx

Even though i ahve seen this text i still trust him, because he has never cheated on me and never done nefing that he no's will hurt me in any way.
If he has sent it i want to no why and work with it and as you said build upon the relationship, but i no that it will take a while to bring the relationship back up to the same level that it was at before i saw the text message xx

of course.. and you don't have any reason not too, there could be a million reasons for him sending it and as he hans't got a history, then give him the benifit of the doubt - it could be something as simple as him just feeling insecure.. and wanting attention - but then he needs to be made feel more secure and so do you.. or it could have been any number of reasons, speak to him..

and hopefully your relationship doesn't go to the same level - but a whole new level, where you have more trust and neither of you feel insecure!
xxxx

 

[bbyno1]

i don't think your bad for checking his phone..its not only because we dont trust them we do this,its just sometimes reassuring to look at see thats nothings in there that shouldn't be kinda thing?
I have to admit most times i get a chance to check my fobs phone i go for it..most times there being nothing to hide but there has been a few times where i have found something what i find suspicious..
always ends up to be nothing but with him not telling me straight up in the 1st place i always picture the worse case scenario..

i would ask him why hes sending messages like that
i think boys like to just add the words 'sexy,gorgeous,darling' etc when talking to girls anyway but to some girls this could give the wrong impression iykwim? Its probably nothing but i wouldnt like my fob going texting girls 'sexy'..would he be okay with you texting a guy that?
just try find out what their relationship is i guess and how long they have know eachother etc x

 

[stephx]

I would just ask him, then you can tell by his reaction whether it was innocent or not

xx

 

[leo_mummy]

Ohh hun.. first a big !!
You're not bad for checking his phone - at the end of the day, why shouldn't you? you shouldn't have anything to find right? so then if there's nothing to find, then why should it matter, if there's something there, then you'd rather know, and if there's not then you just feel a bit silly, and it makes you feel reassured right?

secondly, i'd say speak to him - don't approach him in an angry way, as hell just get defensive and angry back, but just say, it's not that you don't trust him..
but what with being pregnant and your hormones flying high, you got really paranoid and not sure why and you got an urge to check his phone - but you were convinced you wouldn't find anything on there, so it really upset you and surprised you when you did.. because deep down you really wasn't expecting it..
and just explain what you saw, and it made you feel really upset and like he doesn't care any more (basically explain how it made you feel)..

he might have just been doing it because he feels scared and unattractive and needed reassurance.. he might just need to feel attractive again and by attention from this girl, he might have been made to feel more secure? if that was all it was then i guess it's not anything major, he just needs to know the way you feel, and that if he feels like he's unattractive - there's one woman who think's he's the most amazing person ever.. and actually what that one woman (who's also carrying his baby, and has choosen to be with him) thinks, means more than these stupid girls who throw themselves at other people's boyfriends?

if you ask him, you'll probably know whether he's lying, by his response.. trust your instinct it's probably right - and at the end of the day, somehting made you feel insecure, so if you speak to him, make sure there's things that won't make you doubt it in future, whether it's something like you know his passwords (obviously you won't abuse them by going on all the time, but there's a chance you could, and the fact you can means you probably won't need to)

or you could wait and see if he gets replies or he sends any more? but then again, you could end up not being sure when to find the right time.. or not finding anything else, and this one thing playing on your mind over and over.

xxxx

i thought to myself that maybe it was my hormones but this is a one time instinct that came upon me and i had to reaasure myself whatever the outcome was going to be.

i am planning to confront him about it, and im prepared for him to tell me as to why he sent this text message to her. but the fact that he sent it, makes me feel like as you said maybe he might have been feeling abit unattractive at the time, and with me being pregnant, he just wanted some love and attention, but looked for it in the wrong place.

if i wait to see if he gets other replies i might find myself acting abit different around him, because i will always be waiting for a response, and every second i will be checking his fone for replies, and i dont want our relationship to be like that because i do trust him xxxxx

 

[leo_mummy]

I don't check oh's phone as I use it all the time when I don't have credit to text family so I know he would not have anything to hide on it but I would check it if he was acting suspicious, I know you said you trust your oh but if you don't get an answer to what the text was about what if it happens again and it starts to create insecurities? try and get an answer hun, I hope it gets sorted out and that its all a misunderstanding

i use his fone aswell, but as i said before lately i have noticed that even when his fone is ringing and he mite not hear it i tell him, and i will get it an give it to him. but when i give it to him, he kind of hides it in a way, and he has never acted like that before.

If he says to me that he did send the text, i just want a simple reason as to why it happened and what made him do it. he is always loving an affectionate to me, and that has never changed, so i am prepared for what he says, and to work with it, to make sure that he wouod never feel the way he did when he sent that text to her.

 

[RachelRae]

This happens a lot in relationships, it happened in mine. & let me tell you, I'm probaly the most jealous girlfriend out there. So, the first time I saw it I definately had a talk with him about it and said that girl didn't mean anything, and that it was just a one time thing. So we went on from there,

I think the best thing you can do is tell him a lot that you trust him, more than accuse him on cheating on you and texting other girls. Because that just pushes them away, they'll feel a lot more guilty doing it if they know how much you trust them. & they want to hear that too,

 

[leo_mummy]

i don't think your bad for checking his phone..its not only because we dont trust them we do this,its just sometimes reassuring to look at see thats nothings in there that shouldn't be kinda thing?
I have to admit most times i get a chance to check my fobs phone i go for it..most times there being nothing to hide but there has been a few times where i have found something what i find suspicious..
always ends up to be nothing but with him not telling me straight up in the 1st place i always picture the worse case scenario..

i would ask him why hes sending messages like that
i think boys like to just add the words 'sexy,gorgeous,darling' etc when talking to girls anyway but to some girls this could give the wrong impression iykwim? Its probably nothing but i wouldnt like my fob going texting girls 'sexy'..would he be okay with you texting a guy that?
just try find out what their relationship is i guess and how long they have know eachother etc x

the thing is he is not a person to really send texts, he likes to call when he contacts people.

he has never sent me a text message like that, so thats why i said that i thought it may have been a friend using his fone, but at the same time as you said, if he saw something like that on my fone, he would question me aswell before jumping to any conclusions xx

 

[bbyno1]

im not sure then?maybe this certain girl prefers to text?
if its not a friend and is him sending that text i can see why your feeling the way you are..after you saying he doesnt send you texts like that..my fob used to send me ones like that (this was when we was 1st together) now after 5 yrs he jut calls me other names such as 'baby or babe or boo' etc because i think after a long time alot dies out iykwim?

have you not asked him yet who she is?
the only good thing is he just left it at hey sexy and not wrote a long text message to her,where much more worse things could of been said..but i wouldnt be happy if i was you so maybe a long chat would be the best thing for you guys x

 

[leo_mummy]

This happens a lot in relationships, it happened in mine. & let me tell you, I'm probaly the most jealous girlfriend out there. So, the first time I saw it I definately had a talk with him about it and said that girl didn't mean anything, and that it was just a one time thing. So we went on from there,

I think the best thing you can do is tell him a lot that you trust him, more than accuse him on cheating on you and texting other girls. Because that just pushes them away, they'll feel a lot more guilty doing it if they know how much you trust them. & they want to hear that too,

he no's how much i trust him and i no deep down and am assured about the fact that he wouldnt cheat. i dont feel that he did it on a boredom basis because i was on the fone to him and we was fine a couple of minutes before he had sent that text message. We haven't had a argument in ages, so i dont understand as to why he would do such a thing.

if i confront him i dont want him to feel like i will always be checking his fone all the time, but as i said i really had a urge that somefing didnt feel rite for him to be hiding his fone from me when he has never done it in the past.
He does not have a password on his fone, so thats gives me reassurance in some ways.

 

[leo_mummy]

im not sure then?maybe this certain girl prefers to text?
if its not a friend and is him sending that text i can see why your feeling the way you are..after you saying he doesnt send you texts like that..my fob used to send me ones like that (this was when we was 1st together) now after 5 yrs he jut calls me other names such as 'baby or babe or boo' etc because i think after a long time alot dies out iykwim?

have you not asked him yet who she is?
the only good thing is he just left it at hey sexy and not wrote a long text message to her,where much more worse things could of been said..but i wouldnt be happy if i was you so maybe a long chat would be the best thing for you guys x

i would say that maybe she does like to text and as you said alot does die about after a while. he calls me babe and boo aswell, but this just seems abit out of character for him.
i could turn around and say that even though the text just says 'hey sexy' it doesnt really mean nuffin and it may be the first time he is texting her like that and also that he could hav sent her other texts, and i didnt no about it only because i dont check his fone all the time, but that would mean that i was insecure and i definitely aint like that.