Need some advice

[WhiteGeisha]

So just found out that FOB has been seeing up to and probably more than 4 women since LO was born. We've been trying too work things out but he just never seemed bothered, now I know why, he always had a better off, although I have seen/or know the girls he has been with and I can honestly say I don't think he was really getting 'better' but he obviously thought he was.

So my question is:

He lives abroad with the army and from Jan this year I never heard a single word from him for 11 weeks. When he did finally get in touch he said he's been busy with work and his grandads funeral (not sure it takes 11 weeks to arrange and attend a funeral but hey....).

Once again I gave him the benefit of the doubt and when he was back just recently for 9 days he spent all but 3 days at mine.

Becoz I have just found out about these women, it turns out the majority of them were within the 11 weeks he did not once contact me to ask how his daughter was and for 4 weeks of that 11 he was in the country just 20mins down the road at his parents.

I have completely lost the plot over this. He wasn't around during my pregnancy and never brought a single thing for LO. He only pays maintenance as I went to the CSA and all he has brought her out of his own pocket since she was born is 1 dress, 1 tin of formula and a toy.

I have told him to fuck off now as I am not prepared to let him flit in and out of LO's life when it suits him and his new relationships.

He thinks I am just jealous (which I admit I am) but I wouldn't put that before LOs needs. He's never been a 'dad' and only comes when it suits his social life and now his new girlfriends.

He threatened me with Court back in Jan when I put my foot down after he only came twice in 3 weeks due to his social life and because I didn't back down to his threats and went to a solicitor myself after his last women out of the 11 weeks was no longer on the scene he comes crawling back apologising.

He's in Afghan atm and called day before yesterday when I confronted him, but at the time I didn't have names and proof so he probably thought I was just bluffing...now I have the evidence i'm waiting for him to call. He sent me an email promising me he hasn't been with anyone, he even went as far to email the girl who told me all this saying she was lying etc.....but he's been busted as the latest girl is friends with her so she will have seen his emails denying having anything to do with her.

I hate his guts for what he's put me through and I just feel like he will always let LO down.

He is immature (21) and pathetic and does as his mates tell him.

I'm moving in 5 days so I plan to cut all ties with him now.

Am I doing the right thing?

 

[polo_princess]

Tough one, intially i would say yes, cutting all ties is the best thing to do, but it isnt necessarily the right thing to do given that he is LO's father. If you just up and go and dont tell him your whereabouts itt could end up looking bad on you if things did end up in court.

I would tell him that you are going and that you will be in contact in due course with an address or something. Keep some form of contact there, but as minimal as poss

 

[WhiteGeisha]

Tough one, intially i would say yes, cutting all ties is the best thing to do, but it isnt necessarily the right thing to do given that he is LO's father. If you just up and go and dont tell him your whereabouts itt could end up looking bad on you if things did end up in court.

I would tell him that you are going and that you will be in contact in due course with an address or something. Keep some form of contact there, but as minimal as poss

He does have my new address but I was planning to just ignore any contact he makes.

He wouldn't even see LO if his mother didn't push him to.

I'm sick of DNA being the ruler of what's best for my LO. He's done nothing for her and I know in my heart will always let her down.

 

[polo_princess]

Well if he has your new address i would just leave it at that, i too wouldnt want him around if it were me, but you kinda have to think of the possibilities down the line and keep yourself as squeaky clean as poss iykwim

Sorry he's been such an idiot to you, you're both better off without!!

 

[Mumof42009]

I would just leave it now and see if he comes back with his tail between his legs. My 2 oldest don't see their dad's and it's done them no harm x

 

[mamashakesit]

It's tough when they are flaky, isn't it?! I would prefer mine would just go all in, or bow out gracefully.

He has your address and if he has that and an email address, I would say that's enough. Leave the door open for responsible contact, but put that ball in his court and keep it minimal.

 

[WhiteGeisha]

Well the emails I've sent him don't really say either way what I want him to do regarding LO. I asked him to leave me alone now and said he doesn't care about LO and she is just a trophy to him.

If he mentions her I will say he can see her when he's back but he is to give me 2 weeks notice and can only come when it suits me from now on. He normally comes on his terms but just has to agree a week of visitation in advance of coming home as he is so flaky and normally just shows as and when it suits with no routine iykwim.

I haven't said he can't see LO...just told him I don't wanna hear from him. As currently he texts me every 3-4days, emails once a week and phones about the same. What really annoys me is that when he goes to Afghan he rings me as much as he can which is usually every other day and i've now realised he calls me because he knows I will be waiting by the phone whereas no one else bar his mum really cares where he is! Grrrrr.

x

 

[WhiteGeisha]

Ps. Just had to check I never said he couldn't see LO in my rage and I didn't. All I said was he has brought nothing but hurt and drama to my life and it's not fair on LO to have a depressed mother who keeps getting upset over him and that he should really leave me alone now.

x