Need some advice...

[Webbykinskt]

Hi all,

Not sure if this is in the wrong place but i thought the WTC forum wasn't really for my age.

Okay i'll make it simple. I thought I was pregnant on Friday as my period was several days late. I took a test (negative) and I cried about it. I then came on Saturday morning and cried again. On Saturday night, my mom asked me if I was okay (she knew about the test and stuff) and I said not sure and she thinks I'm upset about not being pregnant. I had convinced myself that I was pregnant and I even got excited about the prospect of becoming a mother. After discussing this with my boyfriend I realised that I would like to have a baby but he totally shot the idea down and everytime I tried to discuss it he tried to make me feel guilty for feeling this way.

I think I would make a good mum because I have so much love to give and i've got a job so I wouldn't be living off the 'state' or taxpayers so that's not an issue, but my boyfriend thinks he is not prepared to become a father which I believe to be wrong. He is such a sweet person and I'd think he'd make a great dad. We are both very mature but his biggest concern is failure and the 'label' attached to young parents. I'm 18 years old and he is 17 years old but we would be both a year older by the time a baby would be born.

My question is: Am I expecting too much for him to chance his mind?

I know it seems silly that I want a baby that badly, but I really do and I'd love for it to be in the loving relationship that we have. I really don't think I need to wait because I'd love to be able to raise my children while i'm young and energetic. Advice is very much appreciated as I am in dire need of help.

Thanks for reading... sorry it's so long lol

Katie x

 

[xCorkettex]

Its good you feel ready but i wouldn't try and change your fellas mind because if he did sway and say yea lets try and you had a baby, then in the future he may blame you if he finds he cannot cope and then say you forced him into it.

 

[Webbykinskt]

Its good you feel ready but i wouldn't try and change your fellas mind because if he did sway and say yea lets try and you had a baby, then in the future he may blame you if he finds he cannot cope and then say you forced him into it.

i guess but like i said i don't think I could wait... he's said he wants to be with me forever but i'm starting to doubt that now.

 

[LilMama2be]

I've been in your shoes before, the part about thinking i was pregnant, and basically convincing myself i was, when it came time to test, when i got a negative i was disappointed. Although i never "tried" to get pregnant. I never talked to any of my boyfriends about TRYINg to get pregnant, i didn't want to try, but if it accidentally happened, i wouldn't be upset about it.
But now that i am there, I mean i wouldn't change it for the world, i already love this baby.

Do what you think is right.

 

[oracle]

hi

I think it's lovely that you seem to have really thought this through and what is meant for you will not pass you.

i believe our lives are already mapped out and we will always get what we need, give your boyfriend some time. if you try and force the issue you may end up pushing him away. know that when the time is right it will happen.

take care

 

[Webbykinskt]

I've been in your shoes before, the part about thinking i was pregnant, and basically convincing myself i was, when it came time to test, when i got a negative i was disappointed. Although i never "tried" to get pregnant. I never talked to any of my boyfriends about TRYINg to get pregnant, i didn't want to try, but if it accidentally happened, i wouldn't be upset about it.
But now that i am there, I mean i wouldn't change it for the world, i already love this baby.

Do what you think is right.

thanks. this is exactly how i felt but my b/f said he's not even going to help me achieve my dream so i'm kinda stuck as i can't get pregnant on my own lol. anyone out there who did it with a friend??

 

[Webbykinskt]

hi

I think it's lovely that you seem to have really thought this through and what is meant for you will not pass you.

i believe our lives are already mapped out and we will always get what we need, give your boyfriend some time. if you try and force the issue you may end up pushing him away. know that when the time is right it will happen.

take care

i agree with this to a point hun, but my chances of miscarriage will increase rapidly in the next few years due to family conditions being passed down. I don't know whether it's fate telling me it's time or just my internal clock. I cannot describe it but i need help! I wish there was a Yes/No chooser lol.

 

[leeanne]

Quite honestly, you've got so many years ahead of you to have a baby...a family. Your boyfriend is still young and obviously is not prepared for fatherhood, which is understandable.

Enjoy being young, being a couple together and in time, when it is right, you will have the baby you long for.

 

[Webbykinskt]

Quite honestly, you've got so many years ahead of you to have a baby...a family. Your boyfriend is still young and obviously is not prepared for fatherhood, which is understandable.

Enjoy being young, being a couple together and in time, when it is right, you will have the baby you long for.

but i'm ready now... i don't want to enjoy being young.. going out and getting drunk every weekend doesn't appeal to me. I just want to be mum. I can't get over these feelings as hard as i tried.

 

[nikky0907]

There are different things to enjoying your youth than getting drunk.
You are still a teenager with so many things to do and see before settling down.

Your boyfriend isn't ready to be a father and I think you need to respect his whishes,and I'm sure you realize that having a baby with a friend and becoming a single mom on purpose would be crazy at your age.

Being a mom is incredibly hard work and certain doors will forever be shut for you and only then you'll realize how much you liked having those options.

Enjoy being able to do what you want and all the endless possibilities you have.Build yourself a career,travel,move into your own apartment....
If you're in a good position to have a baby imagine how you'll be when you're 25! You'll be settled,ready,more mature and in a stable relationship with someone who also wants a baby.

I suggest you don't act on this impulse.How you feel now might not be how you feel in about 2 years.

 

[mrscookie]

I presume you and your bf don't have your own place? Does he work?
Get your own place together to see you can afford it and then you should consider it as a JOINT decision.
17 is very young to be a dad, and while yes he may make a fantastic dad, forcing him into somthing like this may leave you in a real shit situation. When i was 18 with my ex I thought i wanted a baby too, and I dismissed everyone being negative. I didnt get pregnant and we split up because he turned out to be a ******* after 3 years together. AND we both worked full time and lived together too.... its not all roses hun. im now 23 and married, working full time as is my hubby, we have been together over 3 years with a nice home.
If he is not ready he is not ready. Give it time, you want to build a decent life for your potential baby, and unfortunately it does take time to make that happen
*hugs*

 

[mrscookie]

hi

I think it's lovely that you seem to have really thought this through and what is meant for you will not pass you.

i believe our lives are already mapped out and we will always get what we need, give your boyfriend some time. if you try and force the issue you may end up pushing him away. know that when the time is right it will happen.

take care

i agree with this to a point hun, but my chances of miscarriage will increase rapidly in the next few years due to family conditions being passed down. I don't know whether it's fate telling me it's time or just my internal clock. I cannot describe it but i need help! I wish there was a Yes/No chooser lol.

Now im intrigued as to what this family condition is called ??? I know so many on here who would be interested to know too, since they have been trying so long with no avail. Whats the name of this family condition hun?

 

[AppleBlossom]

Hey, I'm just going to say, if I was you I would wait for at least a couple of years. I know you feel ready now and I always thought I was ready once I was pregnant but the reality really hit home once she was born and I wish I could go back to being young and carefree with no responsibilities, as much as I love Grace. If you aren't financially stable and your OH isn't keen on the idea I wouldn't suggest trying now. It can mess with your relationship, it's caused havoc with mine because I got pregnant after we were only together for 6 months (accidently) and we hadn't properly had time to just enjoy each other for a while. Enjoy being able to have a bath in peace, go shopping, go out with friends, go on holidays. You've got your whole life ahead of you to have kids, don't waste your young years x

 

[xBumpandLaura]

ok, essay time.

I understand where you're coming from. I'm 15, and a student. Me and my boyfriend were together for 8 months, i was sleeping with him for about 4. At the end of august the condom split on a few occassions, and we messed around when we were drunk. My period didn't come and i was so scared, i felt something i can't even describe. As the days went on, my period didn't come. I was having symptoms, and as i worked out the dates i found it was very possible that i could be. So i took a test in BHS toilets with my best friend, negative. It was odd, i thought i'd be relieved but I was quite disheartened. My period still didn't come, and my mind started to wonder. What if i was pregnant? what would he say? parents? school? In my head i figured everything out and i knew that i could do this. Every day my love for this idea grew and grew. But unfortunately so did the negative test amount. I was getting beside myself, i couldn't stop crying. The last negative test i did, i was devestated. I told my mother and by the last negative she told me to give up hope. I had already had a small amount of bleeding with a clot (sorry tmi) so she thought it was all in my head. I prayed to God everynight that this baby would be growing inside me, because if i didn't have this baby, i would have nothing. I suffer from depression and an eating disorder, but when i thought i was looking after someone else, i started to eat. I knew i needed this, even if anyone else didn't. My friends were relieved i wasn't pregnant, not to mention the father, but i had built up my hopes so much. I wanted someone to love me unconditionally, i wanted to do something with my life. I knew that if i wasn't pregnant, i would die. I was at a dangerously low weight and i needed something to save me. Who would have known it would have been a baby for god's sake?

To cut a long story short, i went to the doctors when i was around 11 weeks. They did a pee test, negative. But then they did the blood test, positive. I couldn't believe my eyes. Apparently some people's hCG hormone isn't secreted in the urine. Suddenly, the feel of dred swarmed through my body. The exact words being 'shit, i'm actually pregnant?' It felt so much different in real life than in my head. But now i'm completely used to the idea. My life's sorted for the moment, and i'm going to have a beautiful baby, who i will look after and care for.

Well, there's my story. I hope you choose well. I only felt that i needed this baby because of my situation in life. I just think you need to put things into perspective, like i did. Death, or a new life? I know it's not the same for you, but once you know what to do it'll hit you like a bus.

hope this helped in any way?
haha.

 

[pinkmac85]

Hmmm ?

 

[mrscookie]

ok, essay time.

I understand where you're coming from. I'm 15, and a student. Me and my boyfriend were together for 8 months, i was sleeping with him for about 4. At the end of august the condom split on a few occassions, and we messed around when we were drunk. My period didn't come and i was so scared, i felt something i can't even describe. As the days went on, my period didn't come. I was having symptoms, and as i worked out the dates i found it was very possible that i could be. So i took a test in BHS toilets with my best friend, negative. It was odd, i thought i'd be relieved but I was quite disheartened. My period still didn't come, and my mind started to wonder. What if i was pregnant? what would he say? parents? school? In my head i figured everything out and i knew that i could do this. Every day my love for this idea grew and grew. But unfortunately so did the negative test amount. I was getting beside myself, i couldn't stop crying. The last negative test i did, i was devestated. I told my mother and by the last negative she told me to give up hope. I had already had a small amount of bleeding with a clot (sorry tmi) so she thought it was all in my head. I prayed to God everynight that this baby would be growing inside me, because if i didn't have this baby, i would have nothing. I suffer from depression and an eating disorder, but when i thought i was looking after someone else, i started to eat. I knew i needed this, even if anyone else didn't. My friends were relieved i wasn't pregnant, not to mention the father, but i had built up my hopes so much. I wanted someone to love me unconditionally, i wanted to do something with my life. I knew that if i wasn't pregnant, i would die. I was at a dangerously low weight and i needed something to save me. Who would have known it would have been a baby for god's sake?

To cut a long story short, i went to the doctors when i was around 11 weeks. They did a pee test, negative. But then they did the blood test, positive. I couldn't believe my eyes. Apparently some people's hCG hormone isn't secreted in the urine. Suddenly, the feel of dred swarmed through my body. The exact words being 'shit, i'm actually pregnant?' It felt so much different in real life than in my head. But now i'm completely used to the idea. My life's sorted for the moment, and i'm going to have a beautiful baby, who i will look after and care for.

Well, there's my story. I hope you choose well. I only felt that i needed this baby because of my situation in life. I just think you need to put things into perspective, like i did. Death, or a new life? I know it's not the same for you, but once you know what to do it'll hit you like a bus.

hope this helped in any way?
haha.

Cute.

When you say '' choose well'' I can't help but feel its not her choice fully...
her boyfriend does not want this at all, so seeing people on here saying '' it's your choice its your decision'' it's really not fully her decision, encouragement can only end up with more hurt surely?
I personally think at 18 it would be a stupid thing to do without her partners consent and without being able to fully support herself and give the baby a home...

 

[xBumpandLaura]

Cute.

When you say '' choose well'' I can't help but feel its not her choice fully...
her boyfriend does not want this at all, so seeing people on here saying '' it's your choice its your decision'' it's really not fully her decision, encouragement can only end up with more hurt surely?
I personally think at 18 it would be a stupid thing to do without her partners consent and without being able to fully support herself and give the baby a home...

yes, maybe i did phrase that a little wrong. I think i meant not you personally, but you as a couple. I think that if he's pretty sure he's not mature enough, i suppose that's only a decision that he can make. Obviously you need to talk it through properly, like two adults. Can you see yourself with him when you're both in your 60's? having a child is a long term commitment.

 

[Webbykinskt]

Now im intrigued as to what this family condition is called ??? I know so many on here who would be interested to know too, since they have been trying so long with no avail. Whats the name of this family condition hun?

that was unfair of me to say now i think about it... it's not a specific condition of any kind, it's just that every female in our family miscarries and it becoming more common as we get older. My mom at 19 had a miscasrriage before and after me. And the same for my sister, and my other sister.

yes, maybe i did phrase that a little wrong. I think i meant not you personally, but you as a couple. I think that if he's pretty sure he's not mature enough, i suppose that's only a decision that he can make. Obviously you need to talk it through properly, like two adults. Can you see yourself with him when you're both in your 60's? having a child is a long term commitment.

Tbh i actually can... We get on perfectly in every respect apart from when we want to marry and have babies. We were best friends for years beforehand.

Cute.

When you say '' choose well'' I can't help but feel its not her choice fully...
her boyfriend does not want this at all, so seeing people on here saying '' it's your choice its your decision'' it's really not fully her decision, encouragement can only end up with more hurt surely?
I personally think at 18 it would be a stupid thing to do without her partners consent and without being able to fully support herself and give the baby a home...

I can totally see where you're coming from but it's hard for me to hear this. I already feel like i've lost... i know that's unfair as some people really have lost countless babies and my heart goes out to them... but i cannot help this feeling I have. It's all I ever dream of and all i've ever wanted. My mom has offered total support if I decide to so baby would always have support. I guess more than anything I just needed to express how I feel and find out I'm not alone lol. I guess the logical thing is to wait but it's hard to get over.

P.S - Other replies read and I thank you for all the advice.

 

[mz_jackie86]

Hey hun,

Sorry if this is harsh but i think its really unfair for u to think about a child right now with someone who has specifically told u they dont want children.
You need to respect his decision because imagine if u did get pregnant and he didnt want it, he may not wanna be there with someone who got pregnant knowing he wasnt ready.
At 18 and 17 ur both young and u should be thinking about other stuff like college and work and goin out etc not plannin a baby...
You may get along now and be happy but who u r now isnt the same person u will be in a couple years u never no how things will turn out...
I had a miscarriage at 18 and yer it sucks but u get over it and instead of worryin about havin a miscarriage why dnt u use protection to prevent u gettin pregnant so u dont risk that!!

I hope u make the right decision...xx

 

[sparkswillfly]

Cute.

When you say '' choose well'' I can't help but feel its not her choice fully...
her boyfriend does not want this at all, so seeing people on here saying '' it's your choice its your decision'' it's really not fully her decision, encouragement can only end up with more hurt surely?
I personally think at 18 it would be a stupid thing to do without her partners consent and without being able to fully support herself and give the baby a home...

I agree with this completely. It take TWO people to make a baby and TWO people will be parents to this baby. If one of these people arent ready for a baby it should not be forced on them. Its a joint decision not just a mothers decision about whether shes ready or not. I hate to say it but if your boyfriends not ready then thats just something your going to have to deal with. You cant just do it anyway or push him into it.