Need to get things off my chest ....

Tamzyn

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Hi everyone ... I'm new to the site :)

I had a m/c just over a month ago. I wasn't very far along, just about 6 weeks. It was my first baby. I didn't think I'd get that upset over it, afterall, it wasnt a fully formed baby yet, but I am still thinking about it everyday. To make matters worse, no one around (including my husband) me seems to understand that I am upset, or that it could be upsetting. They keep telling me 'it's good because now you know that you can at least make babies'. But i'm hurting because I lost one. I try not to be, but I have started resenting people around me who are getting pregnant. My sister in law is now 13 weeks - she didnt want to have a baby and cant afford it .. a friend my husband works with just found out she's pregant (8 weeks) and she just met the babies father. I keep questioning why I had to loose mine .. why I'm such a faliure that I couldn't keep my baby alive ...

Sorry for the 'feeling down' post, but I had to get it off my chest and maybe someone on here will understand what I mean ...

x
 
Hey hunny. I was just about to post something similar to this so I am glad you posted this! I just found out yet ANOTHER friend of mine is pregnant. That makes about 8 people that I know that are pregnant. It hits me like a ton of bricks EVERY time. :cry: The most recent already has a baby. She had him in highschool. And now she is pregnant for the second time with a totally different guy and she isn't even married. Which somehow that just makes it worse for me because I feel like I did everything in the right order with marrying and waiting till we were stable and ready. And I lost my first baby as well. And believe it or not, I am pregnant again right now but it is still so early on that I am worrying myself into a hole. I burst into tears over just about everything and I just want to know when it will be my time. You aren't alone. It is perfectly normal to still be upset. Mine happened three months ago and I still think about it daily. I'm so sorry for your loss though. None of us should experience this. It's the hardest thing I've ever dealt with and I still deal with daily. As I'm sure you do too. :hugs::hugs::hugs:
 
I just posted a very similar thread. It's comforting to know that I'm not the only one who was so attached to the baby despite it's early stage and that I'm not the only one who is still upset about it.

You are not alone and you are entitled to feel as sad as you like for as long as you need. We are here for you.

:hug:
 
:hug: I think it is difficult for people to understand the feeling of loss and grieving with something like this, unless they have experienced it themselves. When I had mine, i was absolutely devastated, it was a mmc so i thought i was happily nearly 11 weeks, when really the baby had died about 7 weeks. I wasnt aware at the time of anyone else going through a miscarriage, but gradually people came forward and this board is amazing, i wish i had found it when i really needed it. It just seems to be something that is not really discussed. I heard various things such as it wasn't going to be healthy so your body rejects it, and even that if it is your first (mine was) it is something 'alien' to your body and therefore your body rejects it. Whatever the reasons, it doesn't help to take away the pain and feeling of loss. Try and talk to your OH about how you feel. Sometimes people wont mention it for fear of not knowing what to say or how you will react. Thinking of you :hugs:
 
I am very sorry for your loss. I had a mmc too, so i know what thats like to have no warning and then just see on the scan.

I don't think the 'alien' story is true. As all babies are genetically different to their mothers and the body somehow protects against rejecting it.

I had met lots of people who had had mc before mine, but I think I had been totally ignorant as to how much of a loss it is. I agree I don't think people talk about it enough and certainly I am guilty of that as none of my friends know.

I think husbands are often a little more pragmatic and logical about things (not all, but some) and so come across as though they aren't feeling the loss as greatly as us. But inside they feel it, they just deal with it and show it differently sometimes.

The hardest thing for me is the 'comparison' thing. Why can other have babies and not me? It is cos I dont deserve kids? Why dont we get pregnant when we have done everything right and others are smoking and drinking etc and still get pregnant? etc etc

And yet there are loads of people in the same situation as me. I just don't see them at the moment. And only see the ones who have a great outcome. So I just have to remind myself sometimes that there are other people out there and thats why I love this site.

:hug:
 
hello, i just wanted to say sorry for you, i had a mc at 7 weeks and felt the same ... almost a year on and only now feeling more pragmatic about it ... it is a loss but when so early not always recognised as so i don't think ... even now it feels a bit unreal like i imagined i was pg in the first place, maybe i dreamt the whole thing etc. it does get better and despite obsessively reading everything i could about it (not always a good idea!) i still feel more positive now that the next time will be healthy and happy ... i am sure yours will be too. :hug:
 
oh meant to also say yes EVERYONE around seems to have babies (fairly) easily even if more 'unhealthy' and it does hurt every time ... i have found i need to sometimes do things to protect myself like not see friends' babies unless i feel ok on the day, and not let them make me feel guilty about it, but i have 2 very close little nephews who always want to see me, it was hard to see them at first but it helps now as i try to see being with them as 'practicing' being around kids. it will get better...
 
Hi hun, i lost my baby this week. It is truely awful, and no one who hasnt experienced a mc can understand. My dh doesn't know what to do with me. XXX
 
Hi hun i know how you feel i had my secnd mc over four weeks ago, and and it still hurts sorry for your loss hun am here if you need to talk. xxx HUGSxxx
 
Firstly so sorry to hear of your loss, having a m/c is a devastating experience. I just want to reassure you that what you are feeling is totally natural, and you are dealing with a loss and need to grieve and go through the process. Once those pregnancy hormones kick in regardless of how far along you were you feel the loss emotionally.

It gets to me too as to why me, when I know I'll be a good mother , just as i'm sure you will, when sadly there are so many unwanted babies born everyday.
 
So sorry to hear daisyduke, princess_t and anyone else who has lost ... it really is a bereavement, i really wish someone had said this to me when i lost mine ... you need to grieve in your own way. i only found this site this week, i think it would have really helped at the time to chat to people who understand. Very, very best wishes.
 
Im so sorry for your loss. Wishing you love and hugs :hug:
 

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