Need to know what to do - nephew born @ 25 weeks

[SoupDragon]

Hi, I hope you don't mind me posting in here. My SIL has severe preeclampsia and was taken for a c-section this afternoon. We are still waiting to hear from them as to how she is and how baby boy is doing. She has had steroids etc to help mature baby's lungs.

What can I do to help her? I have been through an emcs myself so can offer support and a shoulder to cry on relevant to that, but my baby was a full-term 10lb+-er and we came home as soon as I was fit to be discharged, so I have literally no idea what she is going through now or the challenges she is going to face over the coming months.

Me and DH work full time and we have our 1-year-old to see to, so we're going to be fairly useless in the daytime during the week, and I can't go out once DD is sleeping as she will only settle for me if she wakes. DH doesn't drive so he can't go see them by himself either. So I am feeling like there's not much we can do for them, and I don't want that to be the case. We can cook for them, and if I'm around I can drive her back and forth to the hospital or wherever she needs to go, but apart from that, and just generally being there, what is useful to parents of a preemie in the NICU?

Would be grateful for any and all suggestions, and I hope your little ones are all doing well and flourishing

 

[AP]

Meals and shopping are good ones And being able to give her a lift whenever is very valuable, honestly! Be that ear to listen to her worries. You've got this. x

 

[Mrs G]

Yeah I agree, little things at home like shopping, taking round dinners, putting the vacuum round, loads of washing. In my experience people who descend with gifts to see the baby (my mil!!) are not useful, people who keep quietly out the way but offer practical support are better!
Good luck. Xx

 

[SoupDragon]

Thank you ladies I have asked and she says they don't need anything right now but will let us know...I figure we might be more useful once SIL has been discharged. In the meantime, I am going to make her a batch of lactation cookies, as she is beginning the pumping process. They helped my supply when pumping, even if just a little, and they do taste good.

Re gifts, me and DH have a basket for her and baby that we started putting together once she'd started her own baby shopping, after she found out the gender. We were going to give them at Christmas when she was going to be about 34 weeks.I've taken out the 'mum to be' bits, as they were things like bump cream that would upset her to receive now, but will replace them with a nice hand cream (I figure her hands are going to be red raw before long from all the handwashing and alcohol gel) and lip balm. The other bits are some baby vests (1mth size so obviously miles too big atm, but have just ordered some 4lb preemie clothes so hopefully will be ok by the time he is allowed clothes - he's not even quite 1lb just now), a soft doggy with crinkly bits/mirror/teething rings etc attached, and copies of the 2 books that DD likes best. Do these things sound ok? Obviously we collected these bits together before we knew there was going to be any problem, so we were buying with a term baby in mind. Would it be too upsetting to give her the presents now, as it'll be a long time before baby can use/fit into most of it, or would it be ok?

 

[Calitwins]

Our babies were in the NICU, and the most helpful thing that people did for us was bring us food there so that we didn't have to leave the babies. Anything you can do to make it easier for them to be in the hospital is a huge help. One friend sent us a giant box of snacks to take with us for the drive back and forth...that was amazing. Good luck!

 

[jessiebella86]

I'm a NICU nurse and honestly the best thing you can do for your SIL is be there for a shoulder to cry on, like you say help with driving her to and from the hospital once discharged and bring food. She will need time to bond with her baby, it's a very arterficial environment to bond and she will have very low periods. Her baby will be in hospital for a very long time. Clothes and toys etc won't really be of any use right now, he will be in a humified incubators for quite some time so he won't need baby vests for certainly a couple of weeks.
My experience is that NICU parents need support from friend/family in the background and mostly emotional support. Xx